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Thread: My girlfriend lied to my face about smoking, on more than one occassion!!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    OP, you seem very controlling. You keep on threatening her in order to make her comply with what you want. If you truly don't want to be with a smoker, then just break up with her, because right now it's obvious at this point that she doesn't want to quit smoking for herself. And quitting for you just won't work out.

  2. #12
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    I gave her the choice to be with me and not smoke or not get serious at all and smoke like a chimney for all i cared and she chose the first option, it wasn't that i was trying to control her at all as you said.... it's her life she can make her own decisions but there would never be a future for me and her if she smoked and she knew this.

    Today her dad called me to see how everything was, and i found out she has been casually smoking for around the entire relationship which i didn't have any clue about so i'ts just another lie to my face! My decision is made now and I'm walking away.

    Thanks for the help still, helped me think of it from her side of the argument

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    Yes, you should end this.

    I have been married to a Skoal Man for 30 years. He has quit several times, but when he gets stressed, he always goes back. Now he dips almost constantly and hasn't been to the dentist since 2008. I am seriously wondering if he has a mouth cancer. I love him, but I will not kiss him with open mouth, and I explained why. He doesn't even want me to because he knows it would be dangerous to me. There is nothing nastier than nicotine addiction.

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    The longer time goes by now and with reading these comments it makes me feel like i have made a mistake over something pretty small, also the situation i put her in.

    Its been a week today since we last spoke and I literally don't know what to do now, totally stuck in two minds because i loved her and never thought it could end over something so small or petty on both halfs. Stuck!

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  6. #15
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    Don't say you never thought it could end over something so petty and small--you're the one who ended it because of that petty and small reason!

    You made a decision and now aren't happy with the consequences of it. But that's what decision making is all about. You always stand to lose something when you must make a choice.

  7. #16
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    I know i just didn't think she would lie to me about smoking i guess that's the thing i can't believe.

    I'm not sure if its the right or wrong decision, its just hard to move on after two years being with the same person to never speaking to them at all, very hard!

  8. #17
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    I most deft agree with what most have already responded with....it 100% sounds as if she felt no other choice but to lie....as a smoker myself...that has fryer many times to stop...(and still trying) loo its not at all easy...I think u left her in fear of being completely honest with you....cause she new you would leave if she told you...its clear she didt wanta lose you....BUT....I'm also 100% against lies.....because a relationship is and should be build on trust and honesty....but with that said....number one should be communication.....I truly don't think you should be worried about her lieing in future...I think she did because the lines of communication are not...and were not ever fully open...and I'm sorry but I feel you need to own your part in this as well....cause how I see it....if you have to sneak and go threw someones phone...(FOR ANY REASON) 1st that's clear the communication is not right....and 2nd that's a form of deceat and dishonesty as well....sneaky behaviors are no better for a relationship....so maybe try talking and supporting her...even if it is something you don't like.....if you truly love her....you will be by her side...even if its something you don't like....share that with her....but remain open to allow her to speak with out fear of losing you....you might just be surprised....she might have came to you...if she felt that you would have been there...and not feared the result of u finding out...and losing you....I'm sorry if this seems harsh.....but imagine what she was
    or is feeling....if u decide to talk....then yes honesty needs to be a huge part of that talk.....on both parts...yours and hers.....I wish you all the best....

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Mamasita
    If she wants to smoke cigarettes... thats her choice. why are you trying to control her? do you love her or do you love your cigarette free zone in life?

    why dont you try a whole new angle and say "you know how I feel about smoking, but I love you, its your choice"

    ...you might be surprised with the outcome - and you will definitely be a bigger man by using that approach.

    Personally I think she should dump you for being such a controlling bf and telling her what she can and cant do. Good luck!!
    No offence OP, but you sound like a control freak...Checking texts for signs of smoking? yikes.
    from her perspective (I myself smoke, and trying to quit), i would do anything to make my bf happy and he was very happy
    i quit for 7 weeks or so...but i started again, he smelled it on me, i told him the truth and he is not angry. he gave me a hug for the 7 weeks.i will try again when i am ready.

    You need to embrace this kind of attitude, because her having to sneak around for a smoke (as i did with my ex) and getting reemed for it (my ex)
    is a recipe for disaster

  10. #19
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    Well, obviously she's hiding it because she doesn't want to lose you. But I'd say she's addicted at this point and it is not going to be easy to quit. Anxiety CAN drive ex-smokers to resume smoking. She should have told you about her problem but you took such a hard stance against it that I'm not surprised she was scared to. I personally could forgive her for that because I do not view an addiction the same way I would view, say, cheating.

    I personally would demand that she get on a smoking cessation program, and get on whatever she needs to quit smoking (gum, patches, whatever). If she won't, and being with a smoker is a deal-breaker, then I guess i would leave her.

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