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Thread: i am scared of my girlfriend... what to do?

  1. #1
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    i am scared of my girlfriend... what to do?

    i need some help with this situation....

    ok i have been seeing this girl for about 2 years now. i love her very much, but there are a couple of problems!!

    when we first met, i noticed after a week or two, that she had quite an aggressive streak to her, for example if we went for a drive, and someone cut her up, she would scream & swear about it... i would have to tell her to calm down, why get yourself upset over this.

    on a few occasions she got very angry, to the point where i found it quite scary.

    so i told myself, ok she has some anger issues here, as long as she treats me with respect & does not use aggression with me, then that is ok.

    also she is quite a tough character & tends not to take any kind of crap from anyone.


    anyhow, it is rare for me and her to have arguments, but on the odd occasion we have argued, she has really lost it & resorted to shouting & critisising everything about me.

    the problem is, on a few occasions, when we have argued, she has got so angry, she has actually finished things with me... i have then tried to talk to her & have kept us both together

    this has happened on 3 occasions now...


    the problem is, and one of the reasons for her ending things, is because she does not feel like i am going to commit to the relationship? she wanted us to live together at some point & maybe even have a baby.

    but i am scared of her? i feel like if i upset her in anyway, or get into a argument with her, she will explode & just dump me again.


    at the moment, she is not talking to me....

    i always spend my weekends with this girl, friday, saturday & sunday... yesterday my mate asked me, if i could come over to his house for a couple of hours, i was not sure, because i usually spend weekends with my girlfriend at my apartment...

    so i took a risk and asked my girlfriend if she would not mind, if i nipped over to see my friend for a couple of hours on saturday evening...

    she said ok, then later sent me a text saying, are u sure you are not seeing anyone else... as you only meet this mate of yours on a weekend, and usually a saturday.

    i sent her a text, saying off course not, she can come with me, and drop me off to his house!

    anyhow i rang her.... and she went mental on!!!


    she said, how dare you leave me at the apartment & go off to your friends, when you know very well, weekends are for us to be together... i told her, look i will not go, it was just a one off as i usually spend every weekend with this girl & it is very very rare for me to go to a friends house!

    i asked her if it was ok with her... i did not say i will be going for definate... if she did not want me to go, i would have not gone, but why go mental on me?


    she then proceeded to critise everything about me, how i will not commit to her, how my friend is more important & she told me she will not be spending the weekend with me?

    i told her, your being silly, and i want to be with you, not at my friends.


    so now she is not speaking to me, nor is she coming to see me at the weekend, i feel so horrible inside.

    my gut tells me, she is going to dump me again & she is using the weekend as a excuse to get some space from me, to think about what she wants to do with me?

    i think she will dump me again, i really do love this girl, but i am scared of her anger, and scared of her over reactions!!!

    i fully understand that she wants commitment, but she is not willing to recognise she has a problem!!

    if i move in with her & give up my home, what if we have an argument and she flips? then dumps me


    sometimes i feel i cant say what i want to her, incase it annoys her & she throws another wobbly, and dumps me. i feel trapped.

    please help

  2. #2

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    You should not be in a a relationship with this woman. That is very clear; any reasonable person reading your post should advise you to leave her immediately and have nothing to do with her again.

  3. #3
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    Wow. Here's a tough question for you. Why do you want to be with her?
    Yes, you love her. But, why do you want to be with her, when you know what it's like?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member FrenchFries's Avatar
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    I do hope you will walk away from this relationship sooner rather than later.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by bw92116
    Wow. Here's a tough question for you. Why do you want to be with her?
    Yes, you love her. But, why do you want to be with her, when you know what it's like?

    the thing is, there are some very good qualities about her too... she can be very loving, caring & considerate, but there is this darker side to her too.... she gets angry, and really says some very hurtful things to me, then does not talk to me, and has ended things with me twice before... but i talked to her, and we got back together within a a couple of days

    most of the time, we are good together... but there are problems in the relationship... i was laid off my job about 9 months ago & have not been success full in finding, another job.... i think this is bothering her, as she threw it in my face last night, when she flipped. she said i am not even trying to get a job..... but i am trying so hard, she does not understand that!!!


    also she said we have have been seeing each other for 2 years, and i do not spend enough time with her??.... i see her friday, saturday, sunday, wedneday religiously. i spend more time with her than anyone one else.

    i think she feels like the relationship is not going anywhere, as a i will not commit more, like get a job and get a house together.... but i asked her to be patient, as soon as i find employment, we can do that, but it may take a little time.

    but in the same breath, i am scared about moving in with her, because if she flips or i annoy or upset her in anyway, she might kick me to the curb...
    Last edited by kaitracid2010; 09-07-2012 at 12:42 PM.

  7. #6

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    Abusive people usually do have a different side which is why people stay with them - they think the good will outweigh or drive out the bad and it never does.

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    she believes it is wrong for me to leave her at the apartment for a few hours, and go to my friends.... i told her i would not go!!! have i commited such a big crime? now she is not texting me, calling me, bieng cold towards me, will not even meet me on the weekend...

    i feel like i am hanging on the end of her string, and she will cut me off at anytime

  9. #8
    Platinum Member FrenchFries's Avatar
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    You should go hang out with your friends this weekend. Do not beg for her back or sit around the house being sorrowful. She is manipulating you. Maybe you can't see it, but that's what's happening here.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by FrenchFries
    You should go hang out with your friends this weekend. Do not beg for her back or sit around the house being sorrowful. She is manipulating you. Maybe you can't see it, but that's what's happening here.
    but what if she dumps me? i don't have any friends here, other than this one who i was planning to go see.

    i don't even have any family? iv,e got no support system, she was my world, she knows how bad my situation is... i have no job, family or friends...

    why treat me like this.... i feel like like she has too much control over me, because of my situation
    Last edited by kaitracid2010; 09-07-2012 at 01:24 PM.

  11. #10
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    if i don't try to bring her around, i think she will dump me!!!

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