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Thread: i am scared of my girlfriend... what to do?

  1. #11
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    Seems like you are co-dependent on her to fill in the spaces you have in your life. She's not treating you well. You need to break free and put your life back together. You can do it. Lots of people have to say goodbye to somebody when they don't have anyone else and not a stable life. Saying goodbye will hurt now, but you will be so far better off in a year from now. PS she's IS going to dump you, again and again. It's how she controls you because you're afraid of not having her around/being alone.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by eggsandcheese
    Seems like you are co-dependent on her to fill in the spaces you have in your life. She's not treating you well. You need to break free and put your life back together. You can do it. Lots of people have to say goodbye to somebody when they don't have anyone else and not a stable life. Saying goodbye will hurt now, but you will be so far better off in a year from now. PS she's IS going to dump you, again and again. It's how she controls you because you're afraid of not having her around/being alone.

    that is why i am afraid of her.... if an argument starts, i panic it will get out of control & she will dump me, so i try my best to calm things down & not piss her off... she has ended it twice before & i went to her to try sort things out...

    but once she goes off on one, there is no stopping her... i do understand some of her feelings, she wants to settle down, for us to live together, for me to have a good job....rather than just carrying on seeing each other like this for ever.

    but we just can not afford to do that right now, i am unemployed, she works only part time! she also resents me, because i do not have a job. i am trying so hard tho

    i fear, how things could turn out, if we lived together under the same roof 7 days a week.


    i have hardly heard from her today, i sent her a text earlier today just said "are you ok, how is your day going xx"

    her reply "i am not happy & not in a good mood, have a good weekend"

    i have spent every weekend with her, for the last 2 years.... how the hell would i be having a good weekend, i am hurting

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by kaitracid2010
    but what if she dumps me? i don't have any friends here, other than this one who i was planning to go see.

    i don't even have any family? iv,e got no support system, she was my world, she knows how bad my situation is... i have no job, family or friends...

    why treat me like this.... i feel like like she has too much control over me, because of my situation
    Okay, so this is your actual issue, not your relationship. You have to create a life for yourself. Otherwise, you become completely dependent on someone, and then it doesn't matter how that someone treats you. In your case, you're being treated terribly by your gf, and she probably knows that she can get away with it because you have nobody else.

    Find a job. Make some friends. Work on yourself. And never let someone be your entire life. I would also suggest some therapy if you can get it, because there is a reason you let this situation go as far as it has.

  4. #14
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    so what do i do now? she is not talking to me, calling me... she has not finished me yet, but probably will soon.

    shall i tell her it's over, or let her finish me?

    i don't even know where i stand at the moment "when i last spoke to her, she said she will not be coming to see me at the weekend (all because i suggested seeing a friend for a couple of hours)

    she said, she will probably see me on monday or tuesday, but she is not even texting or calling me either... so how is she supposing that will happen...

    is she expecting me to welcome her with open arms, come monday or tuesday, while i spend this whole weekend in turmoil

    feels like i am just sitting here waiting, till she she decides what to do with me!!!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member iamkaylee's Avatar
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    Not to sound harsh, but you need to quit letting her decide what she wants to do with you. You need to decide for you what you want to do with yourself.

    Living with fear in a relationship is not a relationship. It's a dictatorship. You shouldn't have to bow to someone elses wishes because your're afraid they will not speak to you or dump you. That's called abuse.

  7. #16

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    She would be doing you a favour if she did dump you. You need to gather your courage and make your own life.

  8. #17
    Gold Member PetiteGirl's Avatar
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    Your girlfriend is abusive. Is this really someone you want to spend your life with? Being walked all over and living in fear? Not even allowed you to spend time with friends? You're walking on eggshells, catering to her needs and being taken for granted. This isn't love. It is an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

  9. #18
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    Love yourself more than this.

    You are in an abusive and controlling relationship. Get yourself out of it. That's all that matters. Get out.

    How can you possibly be in a relationship with someone you are scared of? That's a deal-killer right there.

    I'm sure when you end it that she will suddenly switch to her "nice side" in an effort to keep you in it.
    She knows which emotional strings to pull in you. She will do what she can to try to pull you back in.
    But resist that. If you got back together, she would revert back to her normal state which is controlling and abusive.
    Leave her now, don't go back to her, and don't look back. Leave her now, don't go back to her, and don't look back.
    You must close the door on her, lock the door, throw away the key, and if she rings the doorbell, don't answer.

    It's more typical for a man to be the controller/abuser and the woman to be stuck in the abusive relationship.
    In your case the genders are switched, but it's still the same situation. And you are afraid to leave.

    Trust me: it will NEVER get any better. And she will NEVER change. What you see now is what you get.
    If you stay in this, it will always be like it is now. Is that what you want it to be?
    Do you want 2 more years of this torture? Or do you want to be happy instead of this?

    For your own survival you must leave. Your self-preservation must take priority. Get out now.
    It will be difficult to, and you will cry, probably several times, but that will go away quickly.
    It won't feel right to leave. It will feel awful. And you may be tempted to go back to relieve that.
    But wait it out. You won't feel awful for very long. You will feel much better soon after you leave.
    You will feel better soon, but in order to feel better, you must get out of her life and get her out of your life.
    Completely and permanently.

    You will need a healing period which will be difficult, there will be a lot of strong emotions but they will subside.
    You can still come back to this web site for support and advice.
    But please, we do not want to be reading 2 years from now that you are still with her. You must get out now.

  10. #19

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    It's more typical for a man to be the controller/abuser and the woman to be stuck in the abusive relationship.
    Actually that isn't true, but you are right to say the advice should always be the same - get out.

  11. #20
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    I'm just going by what I've read. I've read more stories where the man was abusive and controlling. That's why I made that remark. It's certainly possible for the woman to be the controlling or abusive one. I've simply read fewer cases of that on this site and others. Here is one case of it in this thread. And it's certainly possible in same-sex relationships too. But it doesn't really matter what the genders are, it's still the same situation, the issues are still the same and the solution is still the same: end it now.

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