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Thread: My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants to keep in

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011

    My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants to keep in

    I'd really like some advice because I feel very upset, my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me yesterday after moving away to college a few days ago. He texted me saying that it was different now that he was actually there, and he wouldn't be able to come home as often as he thought. He moved 3 hours away. He also said long distance relationships were hard work and that meeting people was probably the biggest part of college life. I then asked him if even cared at all about me and he said he did care about me, but he realizes we're different people and maybe weren't even right for each other. This hurt the most of all because everything in our relationship up to this point, to me anyway, was absolutely amazing. We did a lot of fun things together, and it was always the best time. He also said it would be easier to end it now than hurt me more down the line.

    So anyway after this he called me on the phone to talk. Before the phone call I thought he had flat out dumped me because he met another girl or something, and this was the end. But on the phone he told me that other things needed his full attention right now, he said he was going to be really busy, and that he was breaking up with me, not dumping me. Apparently by this he meant that it just couldn't work out right now. He asked me how I could think he didn't care about me, and said this was really hard for him. I begged him to try and make things work and tried to go over our options, but he said his mind was made on this. I asked him if he'd met another girl and he said he hadn't, and that he'd barely met anyone beyond acquaintance level at this point. He told me this was one of the best summer's of his life, and I told him it WAS my best summer. I asked him if he lost interest in me, and he said he never did. I asked him the things he didn't like about me and he said very little. I told him he had the best personality of any guy I'd ever met and I wouldn't change a thing about it, and that I wouldn't find anyone else better. I told him if he met another girl she wouldn't care about him as much as I did, and he agreed on this, and was surprised how much I actually do care about him. I asked him if I had went to school with him this year, things would be different, and he said he believes they would.

    So anyway I asked him if he still wanted to be friends and he said he did. He said I could call him whenever I wanted, and I asked him how much was "too much" for calling, he said that was up to me. I said was once a week okay and he said I could call more than that if I wanted. He said he'd talk to me on skype and we could even visit each other. I asked him if he thought there's a chance when he came back next summer we could get back together, and he said it could happen, anything was possible.

    All of this makes me just not want to give up. I'll likely even hook up with him when we visit. I just want to know what other people think, am I doing the right thing by staying in contact with him? I can't imagine losing him, he's the best guy that's ever come to me. I don't even care if he hooks up with other girls as long as he's safe, and if we're on a break right now, I'm willing to wait for him. I'm going to try and do constructive things with my time, like continuing to workout everyday, play guitar, and be social so I'm open to meeting new people and new guys if it happens. What do you guys think? The funny thing is, when we were together we barely texted, but now talking on the phone to him will be like a new and fun experience. I'm trying to be optimistic, am I doing it the right way? Thanks so much for reading all this, and thanks for the reply.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member iamkaylee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    a complicatedly simple place
    If his mind is made up that he wants to break up, he's not going to change it. What's the point of keeping in contact if it's only going to hurt you? Ssome people can do friends after a breakup but most can't. Staying in touch with him hoping he will change his mind and get back with you in a year from now is unrealistic and really unfair to yourself. I think you should accept it's over and let him go, if friends works, ok but don't hold out that he will want to get back together. Keep yourself busy doing the things you said and enjoy working on stuff for you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    He dumps you after only being away for 3 days? I think he got to college, realized there were all kinds of new people and fun parties and hot new girls he might want to pursue. Doesn't mean he is dating any of them yet, just that he likes what he sees and he knows he wants to throw himself into the fun party scene at college and he can't do that and make himself fully available to other women if he has a GF. And most of the parties and fun activities happen on weekends when if he were your BF you'd be expecting him to come home to you rather than enjoy the college party scene on weekends.

    At least he was a decent enough guy to break it off first rather than letting you think you were still his GF while he was acting like a single guy at college.

    He may discover he still wants you later, but it is more likely that he will just move on with his life and have several more GFs before he matures and settles down. That is the normal arc that people's lives take, where very few people marry their childhood sweetheart from high school. It can happen, but it usually doesn't.

    So you should just go about your business and enjoy life and date other boys if the opportunity presents itself, because that is exactly what he is doing, getting on with his life and available for new opportunities. don't live for him or live for contact with him, because he just isn't your BF anymore, and you need to accept that and act accordingly.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    He is letting you let go at your own pace. Give it up.

    This is the classical --- leave and go to college break up. Within days of getting to school. It is a completely different experience from living at home w/ your parents.

    You will have less and less in common as the weeks pass. As he gets busier w/ classes, exams, new friends -- he won't get back to you as quickly, and you will feel like you are waiting in the wings....because you are.

    Wish him well -- think of him fondly -- -and let go.

  5. #5
    Gold Member PetiteGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Cut contact completely. Don't be his backup-girlfriend. False hope like this will only hold you back from finding the happiness you deserve.

  6. #6
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    United States
    When I responded to your other thread, I told you chances your relationship would survive are low.

    I AM surprised that he could barely get through a couple of weeks before dumping you. And it was dumping ... do not be mistaken. He's trying to be a nice guy here. Let you believe there might be a future ... but there is not. He is going to throw himself into partying, hooking up, and most likely sex with other girls. This is why he's broken up.

    So the best thing you can do is to cut off contact. Yeah, he basically called you a summer gf. He might hook up with you during the summer but that's pretty much it. There is not much going on here for you with this guy.


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