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Thread: Wife asked me to sleep with her best friend

  1. #1
    Dinot

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    Wife asked me to sleep with her best friend

    Hi all,

    My wife and I are in our early 40's and have been married for 19 years with two teenage boys. We have a good relationship including the sexual aspects. My wife has a very good friend whom she knows since childhood. They are more like sisters than friends. Her friend lives not too far from us with her two kids (girl/boy 12 & 8 years old). She divorced her husband six years ago and since then she has devoted herself to work (she's an attorney) and raising her kids. She's an attractive woman and men hit on her but she doesn't want a superficial relationship and she feels it would not be right to pursue a serious relationship because she worries that it would make her kids feel bad if she presented them with a boyfriend. Our families meet at least once or twice a week and my wife and her friend share a lot of interests and it's common for them to spend hours talking. I usually participate in the beginning of the conversations but soon make myself scarce because it's girl talk.

    A couple of weeks ago I was in bed with my wife cuddling after we made love and she started telling me about her friend and how she hasn't had sex since her divorce six years ago! I mumbled something that she needs to find a boyfriend because she's young and a good person and deserves someone special in her life. That's when my wife asked me if I would sleep with her friend. My wife and I are kind of vocal in bed and we're not shy about sharing sexual fantasies which involve adding a third person. Of course I had told her that these fantasies were just a turnon and in all honesty I was perfectly content with her and had no desire whatsoever making these fantasies reality. She said that I would be doing a favor helping her friend have a nice experience that she hadn't enjoyed for so long. As an idea it was a turnon and got my motor running but I told my wife I couldn't actually do it. This whole scenario got me thinking and I asked my wife if she was trying to make up for a past indiscretion of hers or if she wanted to be with another guy. She swore up and down that she loved me and has no such intentions and all she wanted was to do something to wake up her friend and get her moving romantically again. Since then my wife has mention it again a few times, and finally I told her I would do it, bluffing of course, since I know her friend is such a straight person and she'd never go for it. What do you people make of this?

  2. #2
    iamkaylee
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    I've both seen and been involved in this tyoe of thing before. My advice is not to do it. At the very least, it will change friendships forever. At the worst, it will destroy your wife's friendship with her friend and your marriage.

    If you want to bring in a third, find a suitable casual aquaintance or a stranger. Your wife's friend should go find a boyfriend. After 6 years divorced, it's not going to screw her kids up or make them feel bad. They might even be happy about it and enjoy having a guy around. She won't know unless she asks them. Maybe start setting her up with a couple single guys.

  3. #3
    eggsandcheese
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    Sounds like trouble. I myself cannot sleep with someone that I'm not in love with or immensely attracted to. I find this all kind of alarming. If this were to happen, I think the third party could get hurt, or your wife, or you or all three of you. Or it'll be some weird open marriage thing and everyone's happy. I guess if you can see yourself being happily married to one person in a herd of people doing it. Not for me.

  4. #4
    PaintWithLight
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    Crazy things that couples do to mess up their lives.... Keep it as a fantasy. You know in your heart that this is a mistake. So much of this just doesn't ring true. You really believe the attorney who is attractive and gets hit on, never had a one night stand in 6 years? Please...i have a bridge to sell you too. Oh she doesn't want to complicate things with her kids by introducing th to a boyfriend but she would have no concerns about the possible fallout from this???

    I think your wife or yourself have found a fertile area for a fantasy but do not blur that line between reality and fantasy. This is a horrible and senseless idea for all concerned.

  5. #5
    annie24
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    not knowing you guys, or being a swinger myself, i would tell you not to do it. i think if you want to bring in a 3rd, it would be better to bring in an acquaintance for fun. i think that there is just too much potential for things to turn into a total poop-storm, and not a lot good can get out of it. it is very sweet of your wife to think about her friend's needs but she should not be pimping you out. if your wife's BFF needs to get laid and she is as attractive as you say she is, i'm sure she could find someone. it's just not a priority for her, i am guessing.

    if you or the BFF develop feelings for each other, it would turn everyone's world upsidedown and ruin the friendship. my 2 cents...

  6. #6
    AshleyCA
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    I would say no go. Based on personal experience. Very recent personal experience. My friend of 6 years and her boyfriend have been together 2 years.. It's always been his fantasy and she got me to go along with it two weekends ago (Yes, I take responsibility too but she was the encouraging factor and had the idea)... rule was he wouldn't go all the way. A weekend later the same situation happened and he did. She said she was fine with it. The next night she drank herself to stupid and started telling a guy who was interested in me that I slept with her boyfriend. Needless to say I blocked her out of my life because even though she's fine with it... she's really not. Plus I've got more experience and know more in that atmosphere which probably caught her off guard. I've grieved/been ashamed/bla bla bla for a week. I'm over it. I know this will haunt me for a long time. Don't do it. Your wife might be fine with it now... but every time the three of you hang out after... you might be inclined to do it again and again until someone gets pissed. My friend is immature and lacks self confidence. Learn from my mistake. No go.

  7. #7
    AshleyCA
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    A followup. if you want a threesome, don't pick the best friend.

  8. #8
    itsallgrand
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    I'd wonder if the wifey is screwing around with her friend.

    First thoughts.

  9. #9
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    I have to wonder how happy your wife is and if she is trying to spice up her sex life elsewhere. Your wife seems a bit too concerned about whether or not her friend is getting laid, not about her finding a companion to share life with....but simply that her friend hasn't had sex in a long time. Your wife's priorities seem a trifle messed up. I even have to wonder if this is that much of a concern for her friend or if your wife is simply projecting her own unhappiness and rather than saying it is her, she is using her friend as the "scapegoat". It doesn't sound like your wife is a very good friend. If I recall, wasn't there a scene in the movie "The Big Chill" where the wife encouraged her husband to have sex with her friend. That's Hollywood..but in real life it is not a great idea.

  10. #10
    mines
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    Nothing about this is a good idea

    Some fantasies need to stay just that. I'm not a huge proponent of marriage, nor do I buy into the idea of monogamy-for-a-lifetime, it's against all science. But for those who are married, a 3rd party in the bedroom will destroy the intimacy with your spouse, and isn't that the main reason for marriage (other than the fact it's better for raising children and it's mandated by religion and societal 'norms')?

    If you both seriously wanted to pursue a 3rd party for a sexual encounter, it would actually be smarter to go through a local swinger's club. Now, I'm no swinger, but at least there you'd have a chance to pursue an anonymous (mostly) encounter and have the benefit of the club's policy on screening, etc.

    But, really, your wife's best friend? I'm sure she can find her own hook-up!

  11. 09-03-2012, 04:13 PM
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