Thinking my ex girlfriend may be into my friend?

Here's some background information:

- We went out for 10 weeks, broke up 6 weeks ago

- We live in the same college, and hang around the same friends group so we see each other every single day

- I begged for her back when she broke up with me, which I suspected only pushed her away further. She's told me that we're never getting back together a few times

- She was my first girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. I still have feelings for her and want her back

Right now I suspect she has a thing going on with one of the guys in the group that we hang out with. This drives me insane with jealousy and makes me miss her so much more. They're always really close together, they talk one on one a lot, they stare at each other and smile etc.

I see all of these things and everyday I suspect more and more that they're interested in each other. I'm still not over her and I have to see her hanging around him every single day. Maybe it's just nothing and that they're close friends and nothing more, but seeing her giving so many signs of being attracted to a friend of mine so soon has put me back in recovering from the breakup. I don't know how to stop myself from getting jealous...

We now just act like distant people when we're hanging out in the group. We're not friends, she avoids talking directly to me and looking directly at me. She also faces away from where ever I am in the group, and usually faces towards HIM.

You guys are no longer together. If she's already made it clear to you that she's never getting back with you, why still get hung over what she does? You're only wasting your time and emotions. Plus, the more you push it, the more you are going to annoy her. I'm sorry that you're going through this but I really think it's time to move on.

I don't know why I'm still hung over her, I want to get over her and not care about her, but I can't seem to.

I haven't pushed anything, I've just been watching them together for the last 3 weeks and it seems like something is going on between them. How can I get over it! Moving on isn't as easy as that, it would be so much easier if I didn't have to ever see each other again, but since we're in the same friends group and live in the same college, everything is so much harder.

You guys are no longer together. If she's already made it clear to you that she's never getting back with you, why still get hung over what she does? You're only wasting your time and emotions. Plus, the more you push it, the more you are going to annoy her. I'm sorry that you're going through this but I really think it's time to move on.

This post is a bit cold, he isn't a robot who can just turn his feelings on and off, of course he is still going to be hung up on her, she was his first girlfriend and he has to see her everyday.

Sorry u are going through this, have you spoken to your 'friend' about how u feel? does he not know the rule that you don't go with a friends ex?! If he is gettin with her he is not a true fruend, especially as you are not over her yet. Tell him!

So sorry you are going through this. It must be very difficult for you to see her every day...

If you see that they are drawn to each other that does not necessarily mean that they are together. But I think it is inevitable and I suspect you feel that way too. So I don't think it would do any good to talk with your friend, in fact it might even fan the flames, so to speak.

Your best option, since your ex has made it very clear there will never be any reconciliation, is to work on healing yourself.

The first thing to do us to get as close to No Contact as possible. NC really us a tool for your healing. By seeing her everyday, it is opening up those wounds each time.

While it is important for you to have support from your friends, it is also important for you to stay clear of your ex. So I suggest you start hanging out with some new friends as much as possible.

If you are afraid of losing your friends while doing this, you might mention what you are doing to one of your trusted friends from that group- you simply need to find a way to heal...

Next you should make yourself busy so that you are not home pining away- go to games, volunteer, throw yourself into your studies, etc

When you are ready you should begin to date others. When you are more healed you will attract a new special someone into your life- and memories of your first love will be distant memories...

OK, i think what can help with this is recognizing that if she has told you very clearly that she is never going to get back with you and is convinced of that, that it really doesn't matter who she is dating because it won't be you. That sounds harsh, but you need to try to focus on the fact that she will date, she will see other people, and it will not be you so it doesn't matter who or what she does because she is not interested.

So you are better off reminding yourself of that, that if it wasn't this guy, it can and will be someone else, so your task is to adjust to the fact that she's not interested, and to free yourself to find someone who is.

So for awhile, minimize your contact with her as much as possible. Even if you have a class together, if she sits in the front, you sit somewhere else where you can't look at her, and come late and leave immediately rather than hanging around and watching her or interacting with her. And don't accept invitations where you know she will be. work on spending time with other friends, make new friends, and don't depend on her or that one circle for your social life. It's your choice to decide how you spend your time and who you spend it with, so stop focusing on her and avoid her as much as possible while going about your schoolwork and making other people besides that one group your whole world.

You are going to have to grow up and get over it. If you won't, you can't hang out with these people anymore.

This post is a bit cold, he isn't a robot who can just turn his feelings on and off, of course he is still going to be hung up on her, she was his first girlfriend and he has to see her everyday.

 

Sorry u are going through this, have you spoken to your 'friend' about how u feel? does he not know the rule that you don't go with a friends ex?! If he is gettin with her he is not a true fruend, especially as you are not over her yet. Tell him!

It is cold but they're adults, and adults do not play these silly HS games like "you don't go with a Friend's Ex." If anything, I'm willing to bet this friend will sooner end the friendship than the relationship and without second thought.

You know, the best thing you CAN do, if you're trying to learn how to get over it, is to simply be happy for her - and for him, and know that they are good for each other.

I think the earliest time I ran into this issue was back in first grade when there was this girl I used to play with every day along with my best friend and our other good friends. I really liked her, but she told me no, she really liked my best friend. That was the end of it: I saw them as my best guy friend and my best girl friend, and her not as my girlfriend, and that was OK, because there were other girls too. I suppose I learned to respect such decisions at a very early age...

And no, they never did end up together once they got older, and I do kind of wish I had reignited my heart for her in high school, but for some reason, I never thought of her as my love from those younger days forward. Just a girl who I do love, but not my love...

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Avoiding them isn't as easy as it seems... like tonight I just saw them alone together on a couch talking in the college common room. They weren't leaning in to each other like lovers or anything, but seeing them together like that really hurts me. Like, why did they have to be talking alone together in the common room, where everyone walks past?! They do this a lot.

I have told a 'trusted' friend about my suspicions and they went and told HIM. He laughed and said, "There's nothing going on between us, we're just friends". I wish I could believe him but with all these signs, I keep my suspicions.

I don't know if he follows the "you don't go with a Friend's Ex" rule or not, but to me it seems like he's not. We're still pretty much like High School students though, this is only our first year of university.

I don't know about going No Contact like that, joining a new group of friends and stuff. These are the friends I've had since I started university (7 months ago) and I'm pretty close to them. I'm not really close to any other groups and all the other groups are really tight so even joining a different group will be hard.

As for 'being happy for her', well that's a lot easier said than done. She was my first love, and I still have feelings for her. If she asked for me back, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I just can't be happy for her when I want to be with her this badly.

One thing that really helps me get through the suspicion of them having something going on is trying to change myself and learning the ways of a PUA (Pickup Artist). I know, there are a lot of haters on pickup artists and stuff, but I'm learning to be a better person, look better, how to hold a conversation to keep them interested, be more confident, pretty much changing how others perceive me. I'm not ready to be looking for another girl yet, but I feel like I'll be able to get another girl if I wanted to.

We went swimming at the pools today as a group, and they spent a lot of time together, just them two in an area of their own. Seeing her laugh and be happy with him was the hardest thing.

The problem here is you mentally are framing her as 'yours' but she just isn't and you need to stop indulging in these thoughts about her and other guys. She will eventually get another BF, and whether it is this guy or not it will happen, so your best bet is to get control over yourself so it doesn't bother you so much.

Google 'thought stopping' and start practicing it. Don't allow yourself to dwell on her at all. Make a plan to wean yourself off thoughts of her by using thought stopping techniques. If you catch yourself dwelling or her, just tell yourself STOP, and then refuse to let yourself dwell on it. Set aside a few minutes to think about her when you are at home at night, set a timer if necessary, say 5 minutes, then when times up, you go about your business and discipline yourself to not think about her. And when you see her, say STOP, go a different direction, stop looking at her etc.

Your job now is to get your thoughts off her as if you 'owned' her or had a right to her or her time, because you don't. The sooner you stop thinking about her, the sooner you'll get control. So it is the obsessive thoughts about her that is your enemy, now what she does with herself. Once you get control of your own thoughts, you won't care what she does. You're keeping a relationship to her alive in your head, when the reality is she has moved on, so you need to adjust your thinking and thought stopping will give you that control back again to align your thoughts and emotions with reality.

I said it once, I'll say it again: Get over yourself.

THEY are more friends to each other than you and her are friends to each other.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If it bothers you to see them together so happy all the time, you need to go somewhere else and get your own life. In time, I suggest moving away so you DON'T have to see this anymore, because obvioulsy, you can't handle it. New friends, new places, new life - because YOU can't handle this.

The common room is for hanging out. They are not doing this to torture you, they are just being happy. You really need to change your routine soon see less of them. There is a role called CRAZY EXBOYFRIEND...do not play it, okay?

At this point she's free to make her own decisions (as I'm sure you know). I think the best thing you can do is to show her that you don't need her. As a girl, I can say in all honesty that when I was dating I got annoyed when a guy wouldn't leave me alone after a break-up. I felt pressured, and it usually made me feel even more confident in my decision.

This may sound manipulative, but I would say make your own friends and just totally throw yourself into other parts of your life. I won't say to try to make her jealous, because that could wind up really hurting someone (namely, the girl you use to make her jealous) but I will say that you should not refrain from forming close friendships with females, and don't feel bad about being with these girls around her. Focus on improving yourself, forming new friendships, and show her that you've moved on. Don't even talk to her. That is what will make her want you back more than anything else.

We're in the same friends group so it's hard not to 'talk to her'. I try not to directly talk to her, I just talk to the group as a whole or talk to other people instead.

But it does seem like she wants to be friends, I don't know if that's because we sorta have to be friends because we're in the same group of friends or if she genuinely wants us to be friends. Well anyway, she is a lot quieter when I'm around (that's what my friend says). I think that's because she senses me trying to ignore her, but usually when I'm in the room my friend says she doesn't say as much and stuff.

I think I still am framing her as still being 'mine'. I'm trying not to do it, but I still care for her and I don't know how not to think of her as being mine.

Things are getting easier, I'm not showing anything on the outside (I'm being my normal self) but on the inside I feel so much.

I don't think you've realized this yet. You have to get a 'new group.' For the best of BOTH of you. For now, she's getting quieter, but you're traveling towards that zone where you're the signal for the Awkward Silence, as in, you enter the room, and everybody talking to her gets quiet.

It's not going to get better.

I don't know about me being the catalyst for the awkward silence. I make things fun and talk as much as I can, and act as normal as possible. My friends know this and they respect me for trying to act normal, and they're not going to ditch me like that.

They probably do stop their conversations with my ex though... I don't know why. It's not like they're talking about me or anything...