Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Why do guys dump girls then come back?

  1. #1
    Immissme
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    41

    Why do guys dump girls then come back?

    I dated a guy #1 for a few weeks about 5 months ago while he was in my town for a vacation. We live about 8 hours apart from each other. He asked me to be his gf but he broke it off because he wasnt sure if he could come see me as much. I let him go. I didn't chase him or anything. I respected his decision and I moved on with my life. Since last month, I've been getting text messages from him. I usually just ignore his messages. He sent me a FB message yesterday and I decided to send a message back. He said he wanted to see me again and hopefully build a relationship with me and hes hoping I'm still single and not dating or seeing anyone. I never had sex with him. I wonder why guys come back after they dump a girl? This is not the first time that it happened to me. Three years ago, I was dating another guy #2 who just decided that we should stop seeing each other because he was busy with school. I let him go, then 6 months later he came back wanting to have a relationship. Until now, he's still pursuing me and asking me to be to his gf. Why guys leave then come back wanting more? Just curious. Any opinions about giving them a second chance? Thanks.

    Last edited by Immissme; 08-29-2012 at 06:25 PM.

  2. #2
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    40
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    5
    Easy, they feel they made a mistake when they dumped you. Could be for almost any reason, many of which have nothing to do with you. Personally, I would not give a second chance and never have. If you're not sure you want to be with me, that's all I need to know for me to be sure I don't want to be with you.

  3. #3
    Maia5
    Member Maia5's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    30
    I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I think he either was:
    A. testing you to see if you'd get upset when he dumped you;
    B. checking to see what other options he had, then came back to you when he didn't have any;
    C. honestly changing his mind and wants to date you and work harder at seeing you;
    D. wanting to get laid, and is lying about his feelings in the hopes that you'll sleep with him.

    I think option B or C is most likely, since he left for a lot of time. That meant he had lots of time to think about it, and change his mind. Since you don't know him that well (your time apart was longer than the time period you dated him), I'm thinking that he was most likely scoping the options he had in other girls, and got rejected, or decided you were better.

    I might give him a second chance, but be very wary about him. Probably take things slow to make sure he wouldn't just run away in case someone better came along. (I mean no offence to you, of course) If he started to get distant after I told him I wanted to take things slow, then I would probably think he was not genuine. He seems kind of flaky, so I would have a lot of trouble trusting him.

  4. #4
    LDRohnos
    Platinum Member LDRohnos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    NY, NY
    Age
    35
    Posts
    3,072
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Depends why they leave. In this case...you went on a few dates and he was probably attracted to you yet the idea of an 8 hour time difference LDR was obviously not something he wanted.

    Maybe he had a change of heart about the LDR. Maybe he just wants to get laid and has no opportunities where he lives.. The maybe's can go on and on.

    The way I see it, you never really started a relationship anyway. You went on a couple dates while he was in town. He didn't think he could START a relationship with you. Now he is...it's up to you if you want a LDR with someone who you may only see once every few months.

  5. #5
    Minx2012
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,165
    Thanked
    2
    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.

  6. #6
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    5
    Same reasons girls do.

  7. #7
    Immissme
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    41
    Quote Originally Posted by Minx2012 [Register to see the link]
    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

  8. #8
    trickykid
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by Immissme [Register to see the link]
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.
    Exactly, no point in carrying dead weight, it only holds you back

  9. #9
    MagicForest
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    147
    Thanked
    1
    I think there are lots of different reasons as to why guys do this. If you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, good for you! Every partner I've had has always come back after dumping me, and for different reasons and in different periods of time (a year, two months, and ten years--not kidding!), and only for the short duration one did I actually agree to take him back. My feelings in the other two situations had waned and there wasn't really anything I could do about that.

  10. #10
    Coily
    Gold Member Coily's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Under the bed
    Posts
    568
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    28
    It is a matter of the grass is greener syndrome, and you dodged a huge bullet by not encouraging him.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
He keeps disappearing then reappearing. Married man.
I got talking to a guy on a dating site, and I don't feel a connection with someone often. He ticked all the boxes of what I want in a man (or so I
Is this just "The 21st Century Woman?"
For the past 5 years, every woman I've dated (ages 25-32 we'll say) has had to stress to me immediately, before anything gets going, that they are
Dating after working in the sex industry
Hey all, I'm coming out of a difficult time in my life where i worked as a sex worker. I just wanted some opinions on how to handle this when I begin
Got myself in a bit of a predicament last night...
Ok so last night went to happy hour after work with a bunch of co-workers. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling good (as I usually do at these
My boyfriend hangs out one on one with his ex am I right to feel uncomfortable?
Hi everyone, I posted here before about how my boyfriend and his ex are close friends. Long story short, they date for two years, realised they were
Did he lie to me in the beginning ?
A couple weeks ago my new boyfriend told me that a few of his mates would be home from Australia and he was spending the day with them. Anyway it's
Is he serious?
Hi guys, Right, I have been on 2 dates with a guy I really like him. He makes me laugh and we get on really well. The only thing is I'm not sure he

Featured Threads
He took my sisters virginity!
Well.. Here goes nothing. I don't have anyone to talk to and hoping to get some insight. My mind is confused and my heart is completely
Dating after working in the sex industry
Hey all, I'm coming out of a difficult time in my life where i worked as a sex worker. I just wanted some opinions on how to handle this when I begin
My boyfriend hangs out one on one with his ex am I right to feel uncomfortable?
Hi everyone, I posted here before about how my boyfriend and his ex are close friends. Long story short, they date for two years, realised they were
What does this mean?
I'm a 24 year old man and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. But I'm feeling like this relationship is built on blind trust
Is this just "The 21st Century Woman?"
For the past 5 years, every woman I've dated (ages 25-32 we'll say) has had to stress to me immediately, before anything gets going, that they are
Venting I guess... I miss having sex.
So... I don't know if there is any real advice that can be given here. But I'm sure people here can at least relate and maybe share their
My boyfriend curses at me but says he's joking?
Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months and while everything has been great so far except that he curses at me but says
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •