Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Why do guys dump girls then come back?

  1. #1
    Immissme
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    41

    Why do guys dump girls then come back?

    I dated a guy #1 for a few weeks about 5 months ago while he was in my town for a vacation. We live about 8 hours apart from each other. He asked me to be his gf but he broke it off because he wasnt sure if he could come see me as much. I let him go. I didn't chase him or anything. I respected his decision and I moved on with my life. Since last month, I've been getting text messages from him. I usually just ignore his messages. He sent me a FB message yesterday and I decided to send a message back. He said he wanted to see me again and hopefully build a relationship with me and hes hoping I'm still single and not dating or seeing anyone. I never had sex with him. I wonder why guys come back after they dump a girl? This is not the first time that it happened to me. Three years ago, I was dating another guy #2 who just decided that we should stop seeing each other because he was busy with school. I let him go, then 6 months later he came back wanting to have a relationship. Until now, he's still pursuing me and asking me to be to his gf. Why guys leave then come back wanting more? Just curious. Any opinions about giving them a second chance? Thanks.
    Last edited by Immissme; 08-29-2012 at 06:25 PM.

  2. #2
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    40
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    5
    Easy, they feel they made a mistake when they dumped you. Could be for almost any reason, many of which have nothing to do with you. Personally, I would not give a second chance and never have. If you're not sure you want to be with me, that's all I need to know for me to be sure I don't want to be with you.

  3. #3
    Maia5
    Member Maia5's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    30
    I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I think he either was:
    A. testing you to see if you'd get upset when he dumped you;
    B. checking to see what other options he had, then came back to you when he didn't have any;
    C. honestly changing his mind and wants to date you and work harder at seeing you;
    D. wanting to get laid, and is lying about his feelings in the hopes that you'll sleep with him.

    I think option B or C is most likely, since he left for a lot of time. That meant he had lots of time to think about it, and change his mind. Since you don't know him that well (your time apart was longer than the time period you dated him), I'm thinking that he was most likely scoping the options he had in other girls, and got rejected, or decided you were better.

    I might give him a second chance, but be very wary about him. Probably take things slow to make sure he wouldn't just run away in case someone better came along. (I mean no offence to you, of course) If he started to get distant after I told him I wanted to take things slow, then I would probably think he was not genuine. He seems kind of flaky, so I would have a lot of trouble trusting him.

  4. #4
    LDRohnos
    Platinum Member LDRohnos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    NY, NY
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,072
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Depends why they leave. In this case...you went on a few dates and he was probably attracted to you yet the idea of an 8 hour time difference LDR was obviously not something he wanted.

    Maybe he had a change of heart about the LDR. Maybe he just wants to get laid and has no opportunities where he lives.. The maybe's can go on and on.

    The way I see it, you never really started a relationship anyway. You went on a couple dates while he was in town. He didn't think he could START a relationship with you. Now he is...it's up to you if you want a LDR with someone who you may only see once every few months.

  5. #5
    Minx2012
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,165
    Thanked
    2
    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.

  6. #6
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    5
    Same reasons girls do.

  7. #7
    Immissme
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    41
    Quote Originally Posted by Minx2012 [Register to see the link]
    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

  8. #8
    trickykid
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by Immissme [Register to see the link]
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.
    Exactly, no point in carrying dead weight, it only holds you back

  9. #9
    MagicForest
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    147
    Thanked
    1
    I think there are lots of different reasons as to why guys do this. If you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, good for you! Every partner I've had has always come back after dumping me, and for different reasons and in different periods of time (a year, two months, and ten years--not kidding!), and only for the short duration one did I actually agree to take him back. My feelings in the other two situations had waned and there wasn't really anything I could do about that.

  10. #10
    Coily
    Gold Member Coily's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Under the bed
    Posts
    577
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    37
    It is a matter of the grass is greener syndrome, and you dodged a huge bullet by not encouraging him.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Potential trouble between current fling and ex.Need advice
Hello all.Okay so I'm a 34 y/o male there someone in my life that means the world to me .Someone that i'm very much in love with. I've been seeing
Dating help! I'm no expert lol
Okay we met online a month ago on tinder. He's 38 I'm 27. He doesn't look his age.Immediately got along great , very easy to make conversation with
Dating Across Racial Lines
Dating Across Racial Lines Hello guys, thank you for taking the time to read this! Something thatís been bugging me for a while and I was hoping
Intense chemistry then he calls it off?
Hey guys. I was wondering if anyone could give advice or shed some light on a situation I had. I got speaking to a guy, he lives an hour and a
Got Too Drunk On Second Date
Hi everyone, A little background information, I'm 24 years old and got out of a year long relationship a couple months ago. I recently decided to
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Destroyed again
So there was this girl who over the past few months I was getting close with. I felt that there was a real connection with her. She is smart, funny

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Spouse's lack of ambition is frustrating
I recently got married. About eight months prior to our wedding my now husband was laid off from work. He decided not to look for work as wedding
Petty, petty arguments
Hello all!! My partner who I've been with for a few years is 7 years older than me yet his maturity level is not where mine is. This is not a
Blocked by crush. Will NC work?
Last month a guy I had being talking to for about 3 months blocked me. He said the excessive calling and texting was starting to he to much. Prior to
Child Support.. Pursue or Not Pursue?
I'm needing a little advice about how Child Support works. My Ex Fiance decided at 7 weeks he didn't want my child. I was told in no uncertain terms
Millennial-aged men: could you really date someone like me?
(I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It's hard even to type about.) Three years ago, I had been working as a prosecutor for two years. My boyfriend and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •