why do i get obsessed/clingy to every guy I start to like!

It always happens! When I first start talking to a guy I'm usually not interested. After getting to know them maybe just a tad more though can cause me to develop feelings for them if I feel like we have chemistry. After I start to like them and we start to talk more, I get used to talking to them. But how come when I text them and they don't text me back for a long time it's that I'm like sad/depressed the whole time! I'm sad right now because I was talking to this guy all night last night. From like 9pm all the way to 5am. Constantly texting. We even text this morning from 11-12. I was the last to reply and he hasn't responded yet. It's been like 6 hours and now I'm sad and get the feeling he doesn't want to talk to me or something. I've only liked this guy for about a week or so. And I'm already becoming all clingy and sad because he didn't reply! My whole mood is shot because of this. This isn't the first time it's happened either. Every guy I've ever gotten involved with... It's happened. I get so attached and idk why. Why am I like this?!

Any trouble with your parents during childhood ?

You are relying on another person to make you happy. Its like a drug and you need your fix. Once you accept that only YOU can make you happy then your clingy-ness will subside.

The other thing that might be going on is you wanted to be the only thing in the guys life. Think of it this way, if you are always talking then neither of you can go out and have experiences that you can come home at the end of the day and share.

Jeez, when did you sleep? He's probably taking a nap!

I think whenever anyone sets up a situation where it's unrealistic - constant texting into the wee hours of the day, especially when you barely know this person and are just starting to develop feelings - it's natural to get let down and the emotional roller coaster begins.

If you wade in a little slower, a little more realistically (allowing each other for your lives between texting or spending time together, for sleep and food and time away), then it makes dealing with whatever your baseline of insecurities is. If your baseline is at this point in your life a high insecurity when it comes to getting to know guys, then to me that is even more reason to go slow.

It's less a matter of why you do this, and more of "what are you gonna do about it?". The why will become clear once you put into action some contrary new healthier patterns for yourself. It'll emerge.

On a very simplistic level, my opinion of this is ....when people get used to chasing highs of any sort (and texting and constant attention/confirmation from someone is one form of chasing a high), it's natural to get deeper lows. It's part of the parcel: so if you don't want such lows, you gotta stop running with every high you get.

My child hood was fine. The only troubles I ever had was with my mother. She was a little bit mean to me when I was really young, around 5. A bit abusive to be honest but me and her are cool now. I don't think that has anything to do with my situation now though. And I usually am happy! I didn't think I was replying on him for happiness.

And yeah it's true. I always want to be priority in a guys life. When I'm not I get sad.

Rejection triggers obsession. Even a subtle form of rejection such as not replying to a text message or not replying soon enough. This is a problem for me too. There's an excellent book on this subject called "Obsessive Love" by Dr. Susan Forward. It helped me understand this and work towards overcoming it.

Personally I find that when someone has even an inkling of interest in me, it sort of sparks something. And I try to push it more and it becomes difficult later on when things start to deteriorate.

Its very hard to become a priority in someone's life. Family is an exception of course, but when it comes down to a guy you've talked to for a few months, there has to be this real connection on both sides.

And of course, you can ask the dude if it feels forced. If it is, just take a break for a few days and let things settle down. It sounds like you might be looking for love, and you'll have to be real patient for that x)

Cheers, anyway. You'll find it one day.

I wish I had the secrets to how to make a guy take you as a priority in his life! The way I make them in mines! =(

I have exactly the same problem as you do - it's hard to take a step back and stop yourself! Especially when the person you're communicating with seems just as eager to talk - but having been told yesterday by the guy I like that I'm talking too much and too often, it's pretty clear that he's just been putting up with a barrage of communication from my end. D:

I wouldn't suggest cutting off communication completely, because it'll seem weird and if he is interested in you, he'll think it's odd that you're going from 100-0 without warning. But go out, do something that means you won't really check your phone that much, and ease yourself off the texting! If he wants to text back and forth for hours, then that's great - but don't spend your time sitting with your phone in front of you waiting. I know it's difficult to stop yourself, but you can tone it down if you need to, and you'll be better off for it.

But go out, do something that means you won't really check your phone that much, and ease yourself off the texting! If he wants to text back and forth for hours, then that's great - but don't spend your time sitting with your phone in front of you waiting. I know it's difficult to stop yourself, but you can tone it down if you need to, and you'll be better off for it.

Exactly what I did yesterday. I just tried to stay away from my phone so I would stop checking it and being so anxious and impatient to receive a text from him.

I replied to your other thread and just noticed this one. All I can say is, you're not the only one!

It's a pain, but I tend to fall for EVERY girl who I get to know better. The funny thing is, I always tell myself "she's just another friend..." then I end up falling for her. When she doesn't reply, I think the worst "maybe she's with another guy...etc."

Believe me, it's annoying. You just have to remind yourself that they don't see you that way. If they begin to, great, if not, well it's unfortunate, but it happens.

The good thing is, you already have someone, so it shouldn't be that big of a problem!

I am like that. Guys so easily get stuck on my mind especially scorpios and sometimes it's a real torture to control my life and my actions. I am a very sensitive person. Maybe that is why I understand so quickly when there is a strong and beautiful chemistry going on and I simply jump hurrying and without thinking clearly towards the person who I am sure is feeling the same chemistry. And they run away and simply close every line of communication. They run most probably because they get scared of great passion. Most people are dead emotionally and they get scared of people who are alive and burning with passion and probably run after lukewarm women because that is enough for them because they do not want to be alive

Oh my gosh, I'm the same and it really is torture! I know that feeling when they don't reply for hours... I hate that feeling.

Completely agree with everyone else that forcing yourself to go out and do things is the only way to stop from checking your phone relentlessly. Good luck.

It's funny the last poster mentioned scorpios... I find it's mostly Leo men I become really crazy hooked on! Strange.

You feel insecure and need attention. Try to slowly wean yourself off it

Girls get obsessed with me fast - then quickly leave. I actually GIVE them what they want - where guys in their past pushed away , yet they lasted in years where i lasted in weeks- regardless of how much i think i am an improvement over them. They play with these women insecurities, giving them enough to feel wanted, but pushing away to keep the "fire" burning- this creates more obessive, more chasing, more lust for these women- because what they think is them chasing who they love- what they are actually chasing is validation - the quick and temporary 'fix' or approval that their significant other throws at them. When the guy gives out too much approval, his validation and strength of opinion becomes weak. I knew this years ago, but i never play that game.

I last a month with a woman who was obsessed with. She drew paintings of me, talked non-stop about me (i am friends with her cousin to this day)- and she left randomly to chase a doctor - only to try to come back to me. My ex of 3 years met me when i was at my coldest, and i would push and pull her - not because i was playing a game,but because i just couldnt deal with her behavior - only in the final year where i visited her parents did i realize i want her as my wife and that i deeply loved her - i put in more work, and that sent me out the door. My recent 'gf', she went from obsession, to distancing herself- and quickly threw me out, despite her and her friends telling me i am the best guy shes ever dated.

I hate to be blunt, but when i meet a girl who obsesses over me again, she will only be a fling for me. I would learn to control your feelings, get used to you and love being you, and love being by yourself - that when you do meet someone, they will compliment your life - offer a side-door to an extra life and NOT become your life. No one takes priority in your life, they supplement it only- so when they do leave- you go back to that life that you love and less harm is done.

When i see i am becoming a womans LIFE, i know eventually i will slip from perfection, and i will come into direct conflict and competition with her life. I will lose, because words like, "i am losing myself" or "i havent been myself, i am lost" are all signs of the upcoming end, and by then i left such an impact that they dont believe they can keep me in a gray area in their life - or, they blame me for this change- or their obsession goes away and they see it as just that- an obsession, regardless of how good or better i was from the average guy who just stuck around and saw her once every two weeks.

I would keep this in mind, and for everyones sake realize if you are fitting into this pattern. Both parties will not be happy.

Most people are dead emotionally and they get scared of people who are alive and burning with passion and probably run after lukewarm women because that is enough for them because they do not want to be alive

Agree with the first point that most people are "dead anyway", however, disagree with people running from those who seem "alive" and full of passion. Why would anyone choose to be with someone who's lukewarm? Isn't a connection what we all yearn for?

I know that feeling when they don't reply for hours... I hate that feeling.

Well, i don't understand why you don't just pick up the phone and call! I think that is what is missing in life. Most people have become disconnected and we are losing our social skills. Technology is finally catching up with us. If you really want to get to know someone, PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL!