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Thread: Tired of pretending to be happy

  1. #1
    shygirl87
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    Tired of pretending to be happy

    Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and I'll appreciate any suggestions you have....

    Long story short, 6 months ago I stopped talking to my best friend (a guy) after he took my virginity and made me feel like crap about myself. I confronted him about it and asked him all the questions I had, but he never gave me straight answers. I talked about this with a few of my closer female friends, but I slowly began to feel like I was becoming a burden. I wouldn't be invited out anymore, conversations would be cut short and when I tried to bring the situation up, the topic would be changed. So I stopped talking about it, and tried to make myself appear happier and that I was getting back to "normal".

    However, this isn't the case. Most nights, I cry myself to sleep, or have days where I can't stop crying (much like today). On really bad days I'll lie about what my plans are so I could avoid having them see me this miserable.

    I'm just really tired to always pretending to be happy, when most days I just want to sit at home and cry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've looked up countless tips, I got back into exercising, cooking healthy meals, everything that use to make me feel good, but it seems like everything I do is useless. I want to feel happy again.


  2. #2
    Justin Nutt, LMSW
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    The best advice is to seek professional help. You need to be able to talk through it with someone, you shouldn't have to pretend to be happy, that isn't healthy. Until you are able to deal with all the feelings you will not get better and putting on the act will take a toll on you as well. Are you able to get professional help where you are located?

  3. #3
    shygirl87
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    There are a number of places I'm able to get the professional help, but it's a matter of being able to afford it and going for sessions without others knowing.

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    bulletproof
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    What is it about the situation that is so upsetting to you? Were you in love with him? Or did you picture your first time as something different?

    I'm curious as to why you made the decision to have sex with him, if your virginity was this important. You mentioned that he "took" your virginity, and made you feel like crap, but in order for him to take it you had to give it to him. Were you in a relationship?

  5. #5
    Justin Nutt, LMSW
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    Quote Originally Posted by shygirl87 [Register to see the link]
    There are a number of places I'm able to get the professional help, but it's a matter of being able to afford it and going for sessions without others knowing.
    Many places have sliding scales, I don't know if that is the same in OZ, but it is here. AS for others not knowing, have you thought about online sessions? They are a bit harder sometimes (I have done them before and know that building trust took slightly longer for the clients) but others don't really need to know that you are going as you are simply sitting at home and not going anywhere.

  6. #6
    shygirl87
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    I wasn't in love with him, but him being by best friend - who knew everything about me - I felt that he would have treated the situation differently. He ended up making me feel cheap and worthless, that I was a ****. I slept with him because at the time I felt I could trust him, I was comfortable with him, and that I would have at least MEANT something. Turns out he was just horny and looking for a good time.

  7. #7
    TearsofFate
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    Often, sex and relationships can hurt friendships, even the best of friends. If he's treating you poorly after the sex happened, maybe he's stressed over something? If he was your best friend, I don't think he'd have sex with you just because he was horny, but if you do have feelings for him, even the smallest amount..and he doesn't, it's better to back away from this. If he did have sex with you just for benefits then he is no friend. However, some guys think that they are doing a girl a favour when they have sex with them for the first time....

    That was my first bf, he also had sex with me, just to get it out of the way, it seemed. It made me feel like crap too...and the best thing for it was to leave him behind in my life and move on.

    It will be hard, but unless an understanding can be reached between both of you, then things will only get more stressful and emotional. Crying is good. It may feel awful to cry everyday, but it's a release. It's better to cry then it is to hold it in. After a while though, you need to not allow yourself so much time to think about him. Over time, allow yourself 5-10 minutes to think about him and cry, then relax yourself with maybe, lighting a candle, some inscense, or watching a calming vid on youtube and say "it's okay, I forgive everything that just happened, I will move on.." or something like that.

    Let the anger go first, then the sadness. Then try and bring in some sunshine and happiness. But don't force it.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  8. #8
    bulletproof
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    Quote Originally Posted by shygirl87 [Register to see the link]
    I wasn't in love with him, but him being by best friend - who knew everything about me - I felt that he would have treated the situation differently. He ended up making me feel cheap and worthless, that I was a ****. I slept with him because at the time I felt I could trust him, I was comfortable with him, and that I would have at least MEANT something. Turns out he was just horny and looking for a good time.
    So do you think maybe you're just really mad and disappointed in yourself because you trusted the wrong person?

    If you weren't in love with him, and you prized your virginity, why would you give it to him, best friend or not?

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