Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Tired of pretending to be happy

  1. #1
    shygirl87
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Female

    Tired of pretending to be happy

    Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and I'll appreciate any suggestions you have....

    Long story short, 6 months ago I stopped talking to my best friend (a guy) after he took my virginity and made me feel like crap about myself. I confronted him about it and asked him all the questions I had, but he never gave me straight answers. I talked about this with a few of my closer female friends, but I slowly began to feel like I was becoming a burden. I wouldn't be invited out anymore, conversations would be cut short and when I tried to bring the situation up, the topic would be changed. So I stopped talking about it, and tried to make myself appear happier and that I was getting back to "normal".

    However, this isn't the case. Most nights, I cry myself to sleep, or have days where I can't stop crying (much like today). On really bad days I'll lie about what my plans are so I could avoid having them see me this miserable.

    I'm just really tired to always pretending to be happy, when most days I just want to sit at home and cry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've looked up countless tips, I got back into exercising, cooking healthy meals, everything that use to make me feel good, but it seems like everything I do is useless. I want to feel happy again.

  2. #2
    Justin Nutt, LMSW
    Professional
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    106
    Gender
    Male
    The best advice is to seek professional help. You need to be able to talk through it with someone, you shouldn't have to pretend to be happy, that isn't healthy. Until you are able to deal with all the feelings you will not get better and putting on the act will take a toll on you as well. Are you able to get professional help where you are located?

  3. #3
    shygirl87
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Female
    There are a number of places I'm able to get the professional help, but it's a matter of being able to afford it and going for sessions without others knowing.

  4. #4
    bulletproof
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    8,810
    What is it about the situation that is so upsetting to you? Were you in love with him? Or did you picture your first time as something different?

    I'm curious as to why you made the decision to have sex with him, if your virginity was this important. You mentioned that he "took" your virginity, and made you feel like crap, but in order for him to take it you had to give it to him. Were you in a relationship?

  5. #5
    Justin Nutt, LMSW
    Professional
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    106
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by shygirl87 [Register to see the link]
    There are a number of places I'm able to get the professional help, but it's a matter of being able to afford it and going for sessions without others knowing.
    Many places have sliding scales, I don't know if that is the same in OZ, but it is here. AS for others not knowing, have you thought about online sessions? They are a bit harder sometimes (I have done them before and know that building trust took slightly longer for the clients) but others don't really need to know that you are going as you are simply sitting at home and not going anywhere.

  6. #6
    shygirl87
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Female
    I wasn't in love with him, but him being by best friend - who knew everything about me - I felt that he would have treated the situation differently. He ended up making me feel cheap and worthless, that I was a ****. I slept with him because at the time I felt I could trust him, I was comfortable with him, and that I would have at least MEANT something. Turns out he was just horny and looking for a good time.

  7. #7
    TearsofFate
    Gold Member TearsofFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    31
    Posts
    786
    Gender
    Female
    Often, sex and relationships can hurt friendships, even the best of friends. If he's treating you poorly after the sex happened, maybe he's stressed over something? If he was your best friend, I don't think he'd have sex with you just because he was horny, but if you do have feelings for him, even the smallest amount..and he doesn't, it's better to back away from this. If he did have sex with you just for benefits then he is no friend. However, some guys think that they are doing a girl a favour when they have sex with them for the first time....

    That was my first bf, he also had sex with me, just to get it out of the way, it seemed. It made me feel like crap too...and the best thing for it was to leave him behind in my life and move on.

    It will be hard, but unless an understanding can be reached between both of you, then things will only get more stressful and emotional. Crying is good. It may feel awful to cry everyday, but it's a release. It's better to cry then it is to hold it in. After a while though, you need to not allow yourself so much time to think about him. Over time, allow yourself 5-10 minutes to think about him and cry, then relax yourself with maybe, lighting a candle, some inscense, or watching a calming vid on youtube and say "it's okay, I forgive everything that just happened, I will move on.." or something like that.

    Let the anger go first, then the sadness. Then try and bring in some sunshine and happiness. But don't force it.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  8. #8
    bulletproof
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    8,810
    Quote Originally Posted by shygirl87 [Register to see the link]
    I wasn't in love with him, but him being by best friend - who knew everything about me - I felt that he would have treated the situation differently. He ended up making me feel cheap and worthless, that I was a ****. I slept with him because at the time I felt I could trust him, I was comfortable with him, and that I would have at least MEANT something. Turns out he was just horny and looking for a good time.
    So do you think maybe you're just really mad and disappointed in yourself because you trusted the wrong person?

    If you weren't in love with him, and you prized your virginity, why would you give it to him, best friend or not?

  9.  

Top Threads
My lifes a mess
I dont really know where to start. For ages now my relationship with my mother has been strained. Ive been living with her and its not been a
Stretched to thin
I understand that life has its challenges and stress is a normal thing to experience. I have over stretched myself and neglected proper self care
How do I open up to my therapist about transference?
So Iíve been in therapy for about two months now and Iím experiencing very strong feelings of transference. I see my T as a father figure and I think
I get jealous when my friend flirts with other guys
What will I do?, Will I confessed my feelings to her or should I remain as her friend?
I know this is wrong but...
I'm a 16 year old lesbian and I want to be in a relationship with a 30+ year old. Its difficult because im well aware that it is both dangerous and
Confused and heartbroken
So a few months ago me and my husband seperated and I moved I live wit a rlly cool and sexy girl well anyways he came down because we got back

Featured Threads
Moving in together with my almost one year boyfriend but one big issue
Dear All, I haven't been back here for a while now. I have decided to post here instead than in the "pets" section, because I didn't want to
Back from the holidays: waiting for him to contact me
I am back form my holidays. I went away three weeks. We had two great dates before I went away. During the holidays we texted a few times, the
Should I do it?
Maybe itís because Iím such a nostalgic person, Itís going to be a full year since our breakup las January. I still think about her every f*cking day
He chose his lodgers side so I broke up with him but still love him
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because 4 months ago he let a friend move into his house with him she asked him ,and in turn he asked
Feeling unsure after 4 years and before marriage
Me and my fiancť are together for 4 years now, both in our mid 30s, had an engagement not long ago. We live in [B]MY [/B] apartment. I feel
Broke up with gf
So back story 4 months into the relationship. She knows about while she hasn't met my friends she knows of them. I know not much about her past. I
Girlfriend having abortion and says she needs time to herself. What do I do?
Hello, this is my first post in this forum and I am struggling and need a lot of help. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, we are
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •