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Thread: how do you know when he's not into you anymore

  1. #1
    Member starlette08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    how do you know when he's not into you anymore

    I have been talking to this guy since Feb 2012. We met at a mutual friends party, hit it off, and started talking everything. At that time, I just broke up with my ex, so I was taking things really slowly, not wanting to get into a relationship. He was the one chasing me (initiating the texts, asking me how my day was, what i ate today) etc, so I grew to like him a lot more. He lives about 1.5h away, but comes to my city often because his friends live here.

    We continued to talk up until June 2012 when he started becoming more distant. Even though we still texted everyday, he just didn't seem that into it anymore. He would text me "night night" with a hug/kiss emoticon each night. At one occasion I joked and mentioned that he had been kind of M.I.A lately, and that he must have a new love interest, and he responded with "ive just been really busy with the boys, trying to make the most of summer, thats all"

    This Monday, he msged me in the morning saying "i'm heading up your way today and suggested that we try to meet up, even though he wasnt sure when he would be free because he had to do a bunch of stuff with friends. He ended up msging me at 11pm saying he couldnt get together anymore because he just finished at the gym with his best bud and had a long drive to go.

    i know he's been super busy with work lately, but im still getting the feeling that he has lost interest. I mean, if hes not interested, why bother making an attempt to get together this week, then bail? I feel like he's giving me mixed signals. I just dont know if he's sincerely busy this time of year or if hes just stringing me along.

    At this point, I know I need to drop the effort put into this. There are other guys who want to get to know me, and Im having a hard time moving on (i know, i got attached ).

    I invited him to my housewarming party next month and he is planning on coming.

    Should I just not text him anymore, play it cool and see what happens? Or should I have the - "hey i feel like you have been distant lately.. im going to take the hint that you're not really interested anymore, and move on..." talk.

    i want to start seeing other guys, but am still hung up on this guy, i dont know what to do!

  2. #2
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    United States
    First, understand that he lost interest. You have been "talking" for 5 months? That's less than nothing.

    Nothing is holding you back from moving on except your mindset. Make your priority finding someone who is interested in you and then do that.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    You were operating at a speed that was too slow for him and he lost interest.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Generation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by True Crime [Register to see the link]
    You were operating at a speed that was too slow for him and he lost interest.
    Yeah, probably.

    I'm just wondering why you two aren't actually dating. I mean I know you said you just got out of a relationship like ~6 months ago but is that really all? I just don't get the feeling you're reciprocating to his advances. Maybe his intentions weren't clear enough, but at the same time, I think he was being cautious to the fact that you might not be over ex so he was waiting for you to be ready and seal the deal for it rather than put you in an uncomfortable position. I'm just speculating right now.

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Sorry can't read a post this long but just to answer the title of your thread: if you have a shade of doubt he's lost interest, he's certainly long gone. That's how it works with guys: if they like you, the writing is on the wall. Soon as you have reasons to doubt, your answers right there.

  6. #6
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by Elsewhere [Register to see the link]
    Sorry can't read a post this long.
    This is short compared to some! Lol.

    To the op, i agree with generation. How have you been talking for this long and not got any further than just talking? Have you been on a date yet?

  7. #7
    Heather Dawn
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Boxborough, MA
    To be honest, he probably lost interest because after all these months, you haven't even been on a date yet. "Talking" to a person you're somewhat interested in only goes so far if it doesn't progress at all.

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    How much did you reciprocate? I think it's still viable. You can reignite interest at your housewarming party. Don't chase him or accuse him of MIA/abandonment, just let him know of your interest and see if you can have a 1-on-1 date.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Do not initiate any contacts, if he contacts you asking you to hang out then you know he's still interested. After not contacting him and you never heard from him anymore then you got your answer.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    I think he probably started talking to other people because you were too hesitant/moving too slowly. Not that there's anything wrong with that, since you just got out of a relationship it's probably best to play it safe, but I don't think that's what HE wanted. If he does come to the party, you can try upping the flirting a notch there and see what happens. But don't put yourself out of your comfort zone just to get him re-interested. If he's worth it he'll move at your pace.


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