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Thread: Dealing with dishonest/delusional ex and mutual friends

  1. #1
    careymarie
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    Dealing with dishonest/delusional ex and mutual friends

    I've talked [Register to see the link] before about my ex-girlfriend, Danielle. Well, I did eventually tell her that I thought she needed space from me that she couldn't make up her mind to take, and that I wasn't going to be contacting her for a while to give her time to heal emotionally. This essentially blew up into a huge issue, she called me numerous terrible things and said that I'm brainwashed by my job, a terrible person with no morals, etc. Whatever, fine, she was hurt, I understood. She sent me an email telling me that I was a huge mistake in her life and that she was going to "erase" me from her past. Again, fine. At this point I'm so emotionally worn down by the whole thing that she can walk away, she can do what she wants, I don't care. The only problem is this - I think our private matters are just that- private. This was a problem we had when we were together, too - whenever she had a disagreement with me she repeatedly tried to make a scene about it, either on social media or even, at one point, in the middle of a crowded airport where she started shrieking at me.

    Now that she has decided I am an "awful person" and a number of other things not suitable to quote, she also thinks she needs to share this with the world. She refers to me generally as "the ass" and writes hostile blog entries about me, most of which are filled with gross inaccuracies, like the "fact" that I promised to marry her and then heartlessly "destroyed" her. (a promise i never came close to making, by the way). I do not make a habit of discusing my personal life on public places where anyone I knows feels as if I'm asking them to choose sides - in fact, I try to avoid it at all costs. She has no such limitations, and I hate feeling like I need to answer to these "charges" to our mutual friends. I consider my relationship with her to be unsalvageable and have no desire to salvage it anyway, given the things she's said and how happy I am without the toxic influence she had on me, but I wish there was a way to spare our mutual friends this nonsense.

    Any suggestions on how to undo the damage she's doing and the fuss she's causing without having to stoop to her level? Even if she were speaking to me, she's impossible to argue with rationally because any time you provide a point she can't answer to, her go to reply is "you never admit that you're wrong"

  2. #2
    Angel Irulan
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    Say she's a crazy irrational person and that's part of the reason why you broke it off with her. You don't *argue* that you love someone or don't. It's either there or it isn't.

    Repeat this sentence every time someone says anything to you: "She's a troubled and often irrational girl who broke us up with her behavior." Repeat it like a mantra every time someone says anything. Do not change your story and don't get upset when others say she said this or that. This or that will be geared to upset you and make YOU make a scene. Don't. Play calm and cool and collected, make sure people see that.

    Angel

  3. #3
    tallydoo
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    Don't engage. She's still trying to get a rise out of you, and she'll soon turn her attention to something else. I'm sorry that she's bashing you so much; I'm sure you're a perfectly fine person who doesn't deserve this (the fact that you haven't fought back already speaks to that). Just keep your head up. Your mutual friends will figure out the truth on their own as this continues.

  4. #4
    dasilver
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    Remain silent...Silence speaks volumes

    My ex-ex and my current ex all took to Facebook after we broke up.

    My ex-ex couldn't have degraded me more. He embarrassed me dearly.

    My current ex just posted sad love songs and sad quotes

    I maintained my silence on both...not even a peep out of me. No explanation to my friends...nothing.

    When all the fuss..pomp and dander died down..I explained myself to just 1 friend and that was it.

    In doing so i healed ever so nicely, earned my respect from them both along with any of our mutual friends. I also got them both to apologize to me without ever having said a word to either of them.

  5. #5
    careymarie
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    Thanks so much, you guys. I kind of figured staying quiet on the whole thing was really the best thing to do - if nothing else because it requires so much self-control, and the right thing to do usually does require self-control :P I will stay strong and disregard her mudslinging

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