Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Dealing with dishonest/delusional ex and mutual friends

  1. #1
    careymarie
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Northeast USA
    Posts
    104
    Gender
    Female

    Dealing with dishonest/delusional ex and mutual friends

    I've talked [Register to see the link] before about my ex-girlfriend, Danielle. Well, I did eventually tell her that I thought she needed space from me that she couldn't make up her mind to take, and that I wasn't going to be contacting her for a while to give her time to heal emotionally. This essentially blew up into a huge issue, she called me numerous terrible things and said that I'm brainwashed by my job, a terrible person with no morals, etc. Whatever, fine, she was hurt, I understood. She sent me an email telling me that I was a huge mistake in her life and that she was going to "erase" me from her past. Again, fine. At this point I'm so emotionally worn down by the whole thing that she can walk away, she can do what she wants, I don't care. The only problem is this - I think our private matters are just that- private. This was a problem we had when we were together, too - whenever she had a disagreement with me she repeatedly tried to make a scene about it, either on social media or even, at one point, in the middle of a crowded airport where she started shrieking at me.

    Now that she has decided I am an "awful person" and a number of other things not suitable to quote, she also thinks she needs to share this with the world. She refers to me generally as "the ass" and writes hostile blog entries about me, most of which are filled with gross inaccuracies, like the "fact" that I promised to marry her and then heartlessly "destroyed" her. (a promise i never came close to making, by the way). I do not make a habit of discusing my personal life on public places where anyone I knows feels as if I'm asking them to choose sides - in fact, I try to avoid it at all costs. She has no such limitations, and I hate feeling like I need to answer to these "charges" to our mutual friends. I consider my relationship with her to be unsalvageable and have no desire to salvage it anyway, given the things she's said and how happy I am without the toxic influence she had on me, but I wish there was a way to spare our mutual friends this nonsense.

    Any suggestions on how to undo the damage she's doing and the fuss she's causing without having to stoop to her level? Even if she were speaking to me, she's impossible to argue with rationally because any time you provide a point she can't answer to, her go to reply is "you never admit that you're wrong"

  2. #2
    Angel Irulan
    Angel Irulan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,371
    Say she's a crazy irrational person and that's part of the reason why you broke it off with her. You don't *argue* that you love someone or don't. It's either there or it isn't.

    Repeat this sentence every time someone says anything to you: "She's a troubled and often irrational girl who broke us up with her behavior." Repeat it like a mantra every time someone says anything. Do not change your story and don't get upset when others say she said this or that. This or that will be geared to upset you and make YOU make a scene. Don't. Play calm and cool and collected, make sure people see that.

    Angel

  3. #3
    tallydoo
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    582
    Thanked
    64
    Don't engage. She's still trying to get a rise out of you, and she'll soon turn her attention to something else. I'm sorry that she's bashing you so much; I'm sure you're a perfectly fine person who doesn't deserve this (the fact that you haven't fought back already speaks to that). Just keep your head up. Your mutual friends will figure out the truth on their own as this continues.

  4. #4
    dasilver
    Gold Member dasilver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    883
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Remain silent...Silence speaks volumes

    My ex-ex and my current ex all took to Facebook after we broke up.

    My ex-ex couldn't have degraded me more. He embarrassed me dearly.

    My current ex just posted sad love songs and sad quotes

    I maintained my silence on both...not even a peep out of me. No explanation to my friends...nothing.

    When all the fuss..pomp and dander died down..I explained myself to just 1 friend and that was it.

    In doing so i healed ever so nicely, earned my respect from them both along with any of our mutual friends. I also got them both to apologize to me without ever having said a word to either of them.

  5. #5
    careymarie
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Northeast USA
    Posts
    104
    Gender
    Female
    Thanks so much, you guys. I kind of figured staying quiet on the whole thing was really the best thing to do - if nothing else because it requires so much self-control, and the right thing to do usually does require self-control :P I will stay strong and disregard her mudslinging

  6.  

Top Threads
My EX didn't Wish me a happy birthday though we agreed on friendship!!!!
A few months back I reached out to my ex boyfriend after a long period of NC and we hung out, and he acted as if he wanted to be back together. He
Came back after 30 years to get me...now this!
Short long version 😀 We had dated back in 1987....briefly..I was the one that got away. Devil may care me I left him for another! 2015
Help me get him back I beg you
I dated a boy for a year. We broke up once. He took me back in four days. After a month he broke up again. Then over Christmas break he asked me to
Ex bothering me. Should I change the places I frequent?
My recent ex has been messaging me, acting like an immature jerk, which is why I left him in the first place, but he's over doing it now. He's been
Ex Advice - Meeting in person
Backstory I'll try to be brief - divorced college ex boyfriend contacted me just after I divorced and rekindled a somewhat long distance (3 hr drive)
Ex wants to get back together
I dated a guy for about 6 months. We got along well for the most part but it was a bit long distance. He never told me he loved me or anything and
Long-Term (Ex) Girlfriend Dating New Guy
My ex and I dated for two and a half years starting her freshman year of college and broke up a month or two before she graduated. If the

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Which credit card debt should I start paying first?
Have $500 to pay one first and wanted to ask which one I should pay first The one that I owe $ 700 or $2900? Thanks a lot
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
He's just not ready?! - What I've learned and your views please
Dear All, I've read so much around this and feel I've made a good strong decision but I'm looking for your thoughts. 4 weeks ago I met a guy
Am I getting cold feet?
My partner and I have been engaged for about a year now and have been together for over three years. We are an older couple so we both know what we
What should I do about my controlling parents?
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day
Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?
I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •