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Thread: how to deal with people who only think about themselves

  1. #1
    ciscogal

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    Question how to deal with people who only think about themselves

    I met a friend about 3 years ago, and even though we hit it off from the start, I was able to tell over time that she only thinks about herself.

    For instance, recently, I was named in a lawsuit that should have been sent to my ex husband, and when I told her about it, she didn't seem to care. All she spoke about was about a guy that she liked. It was as if I had not mentioned anything to her. In fact, after I was thankfully dismissed from the case by a judge, she didn't even ask me what the results were.


    Because of this, I decided to maintain my distance, because I noticed that she's of the type of person who loves to tell her stories and about her love adventures and everything regarding how much she hates her job, but doesn't really listen to anything anyone has to say.

    Yet, a few weeks ago, I bought tickets to go to her home country for a holiday, and I casually told her about it, but she got very upset with me and asked me when I was planning on telling her. She basically told me that she was hurt about my lackadaisical attitude in keeping her informed.

    I was surprised that she would even care about anything I had planned! I apologized for not informing her, but now looking back, I think that she was only upset at me because I was doing something that she wanted to do. I don't know how to explain it, but it's the way I feel, since she otherwise takes little interest in my personal life.


    So my questions are two: First, what makes a person care only about themselves, and how should I go about this friendship, if I can even call it that?

  2. #2
    Batya33
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    In answer to your first question many many reasons and I'm not sure the reason would help you feel better. I would continue to keep my distance -time is too precious to waste on mediocre, let alone bad "friendships".

  3. #3
    termus123
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    There are over 6 billion people in the world, don't waste your time and effort on someone you clearly share different values to.

  4. #4
    blueidealist24
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    I agree with the other two posters. Don't hang out with or talk to her as much. You can't change those people. Eventually something in their life might make them change on their own, but you can't change them.. they won't even be listening to you trying anyway!

  5. #5
    nutbrownhare
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    She sounds like someone who likes a life with a bit of drama, and you're one of the supporting characters; it doesn't really enter her head that you have a life which is separate to hers, and so your problems and affairs are of no interest to her. Now you've gone and booked a holiday - FOR YOURSELF! - and this is not at all how a supporting character should behave.

    With a bit of luck she'll be sulking at your inconsiderate behaviour in not organising your life around her, and you won't need to contact her again. How dare you not be there when she wants to talk to someone about her love adventures!

    I honestly wouldn't waste another second of your life on someone like this; there are plenty of people out there where you can have a friendship which will give back as much as you give to it!

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