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Thread: Apparently I'm insensitive...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    I was going to ask the same thing about his parents. Was he raised by his mother with an absence of his father (or lack of involvement)?

    It's almost as though he's looking for validation and acceptance through you; not necessarily through act of your kindness and other verbal or non-verbal communication. You may be accepting the relationship with little quirks. To him, it's probably full of fears, smothering you and trying to make sure he doesn't lose you. In that sense he is very insecure but that insecurity could come from many reasons including bad relationships in the past if not he never really learned the boundaries between him and his mother which is very common among insecure men (and vise versa with women and their fathers).

    Does he also have any anxiety or other stress factor he's dealing in life? I wouldn't necessary try to cater to all his needs in a way that will only reinforce his insecurity; as much as you maybe doing what you think is making him happy, if and when you skip a step or forget to return those texts that only satisfy him, it's likely he'll only feel more insecure.

    Obviously nothing is one sided and as much as he needs to find a way to deal with such insecurity issues there needs to be a middle ground. You have two separate issues if not more. He himself needs to work on improving and learning to see the relationship from a different perspective without putting pressure on you to feel secure. But also that will take your help and learning a system within the relationship that works for both of you.

    Has he or have you two thought about counseling together? You two may not be married but in any relationship it may help to see someone trained in martial therapy to understand how and why things are the way they are.

  2. #22
    Member broken1414's Avatar
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    He was actually raised by his father...his parents divorced when he was 3. His father raised him and his older brother, but he had regular visitation with his mother growing up. Today he has good solid relationships with both of his parents, and even his step father from childhood. I wonder if there's something to this though...perhaps since his mother left them when he was so little, he yearns for secure relationships with women (?)...or something along those lines...I don't know!!

    Yes, we have discussed going to couseling together...I think it's something that might be nesessary to help us figure out how to communicate with each other without screwing things up and to help us establish some boundaries.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    I can imagine the insecurity of not having a mother in his life. Even boys growing up without a father figure will be more sensitive and tend to smother women if not have the fear of losing that one-and-only important person growing up. The effects of motherless relationship I'm not exactly sure but one can assume there's some psychological impact that will lead to problems in adult life as well. I hope you two can get some answers through a professional counselor

  4. #24
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    Start dating men, not boys.

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