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Thread: Apparently I'm insensitive...

  1. #11

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    Like I said, these are symptoms of a greater malaise. You may say you love him but for some reason he doesn't really believe you. Your previous thread about him may be the reason.

  2. #12
    Member broken1414's Avatar
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    My previous thread about not being sexually satisfied and not feeling sexually attracted to him? But he gets sex every single day, sometimes twice (and he thinks he have a great sex life!)...and he told me this time that his biggest issue was that he felt I was taking him forgranted, that I don't appreciate him, and that I am insensitive to the issues that bother him. I can't help the way I feel! Believe me, I wish I could!! I feel that this issue IS absolutely ridiculous! I DO appreciate every little thing he does, really! And! I tell him!! Every single day I literally say thank you to him for every little thing....he makes me dinner, I tell him how aewsome it is and how much I appreciate him making it for me.. He feeds the dog, I say thank you, and usually hug him too!! It's like that with everything!! I feel like a broken record some days, and even try to do more for myself so I don't have to feel so in debted to him....but he doesn't let me!! He WANTS to do everything for me! Which is great, and greatly appreciated!! I just don't kow what else I can do!! (besides send hearts with every stinkin' text and immediately ask him about his day when I see him after work, and keep promising to be more attentive...)

  3. #13
    Bronze Member arrakis77's Avatar
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    I'm sure you appreciate what he does for you (acts of service) but you don't sound emotionally attracted to him anymore. You "give" him sex often but do you really want it yourself?

    Because you each give and recognize love in different ways (learned in childhood), there needs to be understanding and compromise on BOTH your parts in order for this to really work. At the end of the day, you may simply not be able to give out as much as he apparently needs. Time to dive deep and be brutally honest with each other.

  4. #14

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    Yeah, absolutely introduce him to the 5 love languages. I think he's acting like a baby.

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  6. #15
    Member broken1414's Avatar
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    Hmmm....emotional attraction. That's something I've never thought of before. Maybe I'm subconsciously losing emotional attraction for him because he seems less and less like the strong willed secure older man I fell in love with...he can definitely smother me a bit sometimes, and can also have his needy moments. The fact that he can speak up and talk to me about it is actually something I kind of appreciate about him, because in my last relationship MY emotional needs were far from met, and I always felt like the needy one. (However, I at least make an honest effort, whereas my ex did not.)

    I assume the lack of sexual attraction ties into all this somehow too...

    Pl3asehelp: I think he's acting like a big baby too! LOL... I guess that's my "insensitivity" shining through!

  7. #16
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    OP, this is a reply I gave you in another of your threads about this same man back in January:

    Originally Posted by camus154
    You want the frank, honest truth?

    I think you and your boyfriend have a rather toxic, insecure relationship that will eventually drain the both of you. I think you'll stay in it until it's long expired and until you feel crazy inside and can't tell what's up and what's down.

    Just my 2 cents, but none of what you've posted sounds healthy.
    Now my question to you is, does that sound accurate 7 months later?

  8. #17
    Member broken1414's Avatar
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    Toxic? I wouldn't go that far. I have to say that his willingness to work things out and be open and speak his mind about his concerns, and my willingness to address his concerns (although I might think them to be ridiculous) makes me feel like this relationship is far from toxic. I have been in toxic relationships where I WAS drained, where I DID stay until it was long expired, where I DID feel crazy, where I DIDN'T know up from down...I KNOW what that feels like. This relationship is FAR more healthy that any I've ever experienced. (maybe that's not saying much...I dunno!)

    Insecure? Maybe. I'm not an insecure person at all. Yes, I am totally terrified of being cheated on and lied to again....but also realize that worrying about it until I can't sleep at night, trying to control him, and being insecure about it will not do me any good. If it happens, it happens, I will deal with it when the time comes if I have to. I never thought my bf to be an insecure person either, but as our relationship progresses his insecurities slowly shine through. I feel secure in this relationship....I get the feeling he doesn't. Maybe this is what we need to confront head on...his insecurities. He can be clingy and smother me like crazy...it's nice sometimes, but gets to be annoying when we're out with friends and he absolutley insists that he must sit beside me. One time he invited me for a beer with some of his buddies, when we left he told me he didn't like me being the only girl there because he felt like his buddies were eyeballing me all night...I asked him if he thought I was just going to up and go home with one of them instead! LOL! (trying to make him realize how ridiculous he sounded)....he didn't think it was too funny. So, I wouldn't say he's extremely insecure, but that it does show here and there in some situations.

    So does it sound accurate? Not quite. But definitely a little more on key than I thought at the time....

  9. #18
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    Yeah I def don't see the toxicity either. He seems a little whiney - which can be irritating but you don't seem to be a victim of abuse or anything like that!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SpottiOtti's Avatar
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    My ex did the same stuff yours does (he was also quite a bit older than me). He basically made me his life. He even packed me lunch for work and made sure I took my vitamins. All out of "love". And boy, did I hear about how insensitive I was, how I didn't appreciate everything he did for me, how I was "selfish" for wanting alone time, etc. If I was busy at work and didn't answer a text, there was hell to pay when I got home. (He didn't work, so he had plenty of time to obsess over how strong my emotions were and all that stuff). In the end, I left him because I realized that I could never obsess over him the way he obsessed over me, and my emotional attachment toward him was completely withered by his behavior.

    I'm not saying your BF is exactly the way mine was, but I see the parallels. It sounds to me as though your personalities are different, and in this case it may be too large of a difference. For whatever reason, he wants you to jump through hoops to prove your love, and you resent having to do it.

    Have you tried to talk to him about this in a reasonable manner? Like, not when he's having a "hissy fit", but when you are both calm.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member becomingkate's Avatar
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    What were his parents like? Was he raised mostly by women?

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