Going crazy here..

This might be a long one but id appreciate some thoughts on the matter because im sick of thinking about it myself!

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years nearly a year ago now. We'd been together since school and right the way through university. We came as a couple and it was pretty well sorted that we'd end up like that indefinitely (although i always denied it).

The breakup came when she got a new job in a bar and had her head turned by another guy. At this point we were just about to move in together after id lived with friends through uni, but i was having some worrying health problems.

Basically, i was told i might have a brain tumor. To say i didn't react entirely positively is an understatement, i retracted into myself and just tried to block everything else out. Instead of trying to get me out of that, she just left. I felt incredibly alone as i worried about my health as she started her new life.

Afterwards she started being incredibly cruel and even wrote on the internet that it was great "to be with a real man" after I'd broken down about my illness. To cut a long story short, over the last year she has now had 3 separate boyfriends and has done everything in her power to make sure i know about each of them. We never fell out. I never did anything to hurt her. I just dont understand how a person can change like that overnight?

The reason i find myself here today is that ive just been sent home from my job after i passed out in front of everyone as a result of stress induced insomnia. No coincidence that I met my ex the other day and she said she was really happy and that i shouldn't try and spoil that for her. I tried to tell her that i really needed her this last year and she let me down but she just said "sorry" and shrugged it off. I still love her, because i know after growing up with her that this isnt the real person in front of me.

She used to be brilliant - funny, caring and honest. I think having a large group of friends for the first time has made her adapt to what she see's as acceptable. But she's forgotten me when i really needed someone.

My healths beter now and thankfully it turned out to be much less serious than was first thought - i have an operation scheduled next month to resolve the issue. Im just left wandering whats happened this last year and trying to pick up the pieces.

I cant dredge up the desire to meet another girl for a relationship as i thought i already had all i needed. My insomnia is driving me crazy and i just dont know what im meant to do to make everything better.

Im sure il come out of this a much stronger person and be back to my old confident self at one point but after a year it still seems to hurt more everyday. I dont know what i expected to achieve by writing this out, but hopefully its some sort of roundabout step to normality.

After a year of still extreme pain and insomnia you may want to see about having a professional help you work through this. You were betrayed really bad. This girl seems like a heartless you-know-what and you need to not have any contact with her because she clearly needs to do some soul-searching herself for being so cruel. If seeing a therapist is an option for you I would take it. I think if a man had put me through what she did I would have needed to see one too. If that isn't an option then you definitely need to cut contact, since your health is getting better try to find some new hobbies. Something to keep you busy - clubs organizations, classes- whatever. And it being so long since the breakup getting into the dating pool to find friends might not be a bad idea either but don't jump in searching for long term just yet. Just having the friendship of females and someone to go out and do things with may not be such a bad idea either. Bottom line - stay the heck away from her! She really seems like a a heartless person.

She really seems like a a heartless person.

Thats what kills me.

I know she's not deep down and I feel a perverse duty to make her realise that she doesnt need to do what she's doing because she was great anyway.

Thats why i cant sleep

It seems less like she is heartless and more like she harbors a lot of anger and resentment towards you.

I don't think that changes who she is/was. Rather, it highlights that you two are different people. Something happened to make her angry ... not necessarily your fault but something for you to realize.

And hopefully learn to accept and let go.

It seems less like she is heartless and more like she harbors a lot of anger and resentment towards you.

I agree.

I was always the more confident one and sometimes you could tell she was uncomfortable if i met her friends and made an effort to get on with them. Mabey even a little worried that they would like me "more" Obviously that was crazy and all I was doing was trying to be nice to people she knew.

It feels like when I was down she saw it as an opportunity to jump on me and show me that I had nothing to feel good about.

I love how I'm writing that with any degree of clarity, Ive never given much serious thought to that.

Thanks, that really helped

But you don't have a duty to her in any way at all, you have a duty to take of yourself and your health and losing sleep over her showing her true colors and you thinking you can bring the nice back out is not taking care of your health.

But you don't have a duty to her in any way at all, you have a duty to take of yourself and your health and losing sleep over her showing her true colors and you thinking you can bring the nice back out is not taking care of your health.

I just feel so pathetically alone right now that I cant think about anything else.

You are responsible for you and yourself only. You are going to have to work on getting over her and wishing you could have her back isn't going to get you anywhere. Your hurt? Get up and do something about it. I know you feel alone, I've felt that way too but looking abck will only draw this out further.

Just take care of your self man. Surround yourself with people who care about you and not think about people who are trying to hurt you. For you, you should be the top priority specially now.

I know you can't believe that your ex is a bad person, but she sure sounds like one! People change man. Sometimes for the worse. It doesn't matter how long you've known her for, or what you used to think she was like. The demon that delights in taking snipes at you is NOT someone you want in your life! When you say "....i know after growing up with her that this isnt the real person in front of me" - sorry, but you DONT know. You grew up with the child version of her, and people are a lot different than they are when they're children. Think about it.

Not only does she sound like a b!tc#, but dude, that was six years ago! It's time to bury this dead dog, once and for all. Don't worry, you'll never forget her. But you need to realize that it's all YOU giving your energy to a dead fantasy. Start putting your thoughts and energies into enriching your own life. Someday, when you've learned to focus on yourself and love yourself richly, you will be attractive to someone that will treat you well. At that point you will wonder why you ever spent so much time torturing yourself over this child that you dated years ago and never gave a damn about you.

If you have trouble sleeping, or are emotionally distraught, many people inlcuding myself would recommend exercise. Not only will it wear you out so you can sleep like a rock, but it literally releases "feel good" chemicals in your mind and body. I ALWAYS feel a lot better mentally and emotionally after a good work out. If your not a member at a gym, go sign up! Or check out a yoga studio (lots of pretty girls there!). Or just go jog for twenty minutes a few times a week. It will help, I promise.

Thought I'd check in on my "situation"....

What a difference 2 months makes. Its been a bit of a roller-coaster.

Like i mentioned above I had surgery at the start of August (Now feeling a lot better if anyone's interested!). I had mentioned that I was going into hospital a few weeks previous to my ex's friend who i met at work and she obviously passed this on.

To cut a long story short, when i woke up from surgery in my room the nurse came through and said that "my girlfriend" had been phoning to make sure everything was OK. She phoned again about an hour later and this time got put through to the room, she was crying and telling me how much she loved me and how stupid she had been and how she wanted to get back together.

I was pretty delighted needless to say.

She came up to see me when i got back home and said she was going to leave her boyfriend because she wanted to be with me and that me having surgery had made her realise how much she missed me etc etc.

We saw each other almost every day for 3 weeks, she left her job and was looking for a new one, and everything was looking rosy!

She went off one day with her friends and said she was going to end it with this other guy then, low and behold, she stopped replying to call's and text's again. About a week later she showed up at my house and told me that she'd changed her mind again and that instead of getting back together with me she was going away with this other guy for a weekend away in France the very next weekend.

A little bit of a drastic change of mind?

I was devastated again but this time it made me realise just how cruel she is. I was out of action after surgery but delighted she was there and she clearly only changed her mind because this other guy had panicked and decided to throw some money at the situation and take her away.

I had a really long few weeks feeling pretty terrible, although in general a lot more happy about not having to worry about my health any more.

My friends then really kicked in and showed what being a decent mate is all about. They more or less physically dragged me on a night out (potentially not a great idea post-op but i needed to get out the house).

Anyway, I had a great night and got chatting to a girl who was a friend of a friend. We swapped numbers and have now being seeing each other a few times a week - fingers crossed everything works out. Id forgotten that not all woman try and murder your emotions ever time you speak to them!

Anyway, just a quick thank you to everyone who replied to this thread the first time. I was in a really, really dark place but knowing there was decent people out there going through the same thing through no fault of their own really helped.

Hopefully, I've now moved on and can get on with my life without having to worry about her strolling back in and ruining everything!

wow. i read your previous posts and this. first thing I will say is WELL DONE for handling yourself so well. No doubt what you have gone through is pretty crazy and horrible.

jeez...i know exactly what you mean about her coming back and leaving yet again. Went through a similar thing with a third party involved as in your case and know how it feels to have pined over a fickle person. One who changes her mind without notice and whose words dont match with her actions! Trust me, these are not the kind of people we want to be with. Creates a sense of constant paranoia and trust has been broken now. Funnily enough sometimes it takes something like this to start seeing the person in a new light and take them down from the "pedestal". The old..." i miss them still but dont think I could be in a relationship with them" is not the worst place to be at as opposed to "i miss them still and would love to get back together"! well, im guessing give it some more time and it will be "i dont miss them"!

im glad to hear the health thing is slightly better. And great that you have such close friends who look after you like that....def the way to go. As for seeing the new girl, well i will give a little warning to you. Just be careful you are not jumping into something too quickly. Its not impossible to think that when your ex hears you are seeing some other girl, the waterworks and the words of "i miss u, who is this girl, how do u feel about her " etc etc will come back. Just remember what she did to you last time and how u felt if/when this happens. And as for the new girl, well probably let her know your coming off something major as you seem like a good guy and im sure you wouldnt want to hurt her. Just my two cents anyway.

Good luck man, hope everything works out the way you want it to!