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Thread: New Journal

  1. #71
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Hugs are welcome these days! I agree - we both have something in us that just won't quit. It's been tested more than once, and nope, it ain't going away. It'll be tested again, and nope, never giving up.

    Thanks Vic. Hugs back at ya.

  2. #72
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    This grump funk thing is hard to shake today. Trying to focus on concrete things. Realizing that so much of my time has been, IS, spent wrestling with emotions and thinking about them, that more effort spent in dealing with facts and reality, exploring new ideas, creating, would be a big benefit.

    Letting go. Letting go - not my forte! Why shouldn't it be, though?!


  3. #73
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I have a hard time letting go too and I wonder what the cause of that is. Pride maybe?

  4. #74
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    ^yeah, I'm not sure. I used to think it was about my pride. Now I'm afraid to analyze it and end up analyzing it to death again. Going to try a new way.

    I just know I'm sick of this. Time to try something different.

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  6. #75
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    I find letting go very difficult too, for me it goes beyond people and situations..I have it even with unanimous objects or pretty much anything I like. For example I love Special K cereal and I have had it for over 13 years. Occasionally I try something else but I always go back to Special K. I find myself sometimes worried it will go out of production and what will I do then ? ? That thought occurred to me when some new flavours came out and I thought they might look snazzier than the original. It might sound crazy but when I eat it I feel like I 'belong'..I always felt like I somewhat didn't belong and finding something I like so much feels like 'home'.

    Just an idea and I can only guess from a personal pov. It's a safety of some sort, an identification of who one is..even if it's painful stuff. Sometimes it is also a desire for things to make sense. And not being able to let go until they do.


    Love the song btw.
    Last edited by quirky; 03-04-2013 at 07:59 AM.

  7. #76
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    That's making a lot of sense and hitting some buttons. Safety blanket. An identification of who one is, even if it's painful stuff. A desire for things to make sense, and not being able to let go until they do.

    If this is true, then the next logical step would be.....going to think about it and come up with something today. Let it percolate at work.

    Special K, eh? Good cereal. That doesn't sound crazy at all. That sense of being at home, belonging, warmth, comfort. Actually I relate to that a lot. I think you are on to something there.

  8. #77
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I know you posted it about a month ago, but I just wanted to thank you for sharing the song Above the Bones. I'd never heard it before and I really like it.

  9. #78
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Ahh, LikeWater, I'm glad you do! He has other good songs, but that is one of my favorites. Keep the tunes rolling in your end too - you've got listeners (me, for one). I don't post often in others journals but I read and listen quite a bit.

  10. #79
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be posting plenty more songs in my journal as time goes on. Nice to know I have at least one listener.

    You do the same. You for sure have more than one listener, so keep 'em coming! You have a very broad taste in music, which is great, and you've unknowingly introduced me to a few songs I'd never have found otherwise.

  11. #80
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    *I watched some fights (UFC) and was surprised at my aversion to blood and injury. There was a time when I enjoyed very much seeing a guy get knocked right out, submitted til his face turned red, or even a good gash to the eye. I haven't been lately. I've been really turned off by it. I still enjoyed some of the fights and some of the action, but not like before. I think before the appeal was mostly...bloodlust?! There might be something sick about that but if there is it's shared by many many people. Anyways, I'm not 'feeling it' anymore.

    *Yesterday I randomly met a guy who reminded me of my ex. It was strange because I never do, never have, if anything it was the opposite. Nothing and nobody reminded me of him at all. And it's pretty rare, actually this is the first time, that someone has the physical and other characteristics that make it all click into something like resemblance/remembrance. I knew it was a stranger but I did find myself feeling feelings towards the ex towards this guy, and as much said so at one point. Right around where it became obvious that he wanted to take me out for 'breakfast' at some other time and I knew I had chatted with him too long. He laughed it off and said something about that being a new one - he wasn't exactly a ladies man. I ended up telling him the reasons why I was with my ex, and what I liked about him, and why we aren't together anymore. There was something so important about this moment for me. Talking to a stranger and telling my story about the ex in a very simplified and honest way. I was able to articulate it in a way I haven't before and put it in a perspective that was somehow new.
    Anyways, we will never see each other again. That was part of what allowed me to do it.

    *I need to talk to my boyfriend. Does he want this kind of relationship? I have to be honest with him. I have to be honest with myself. I don't see us moving in and taking trips together this summer. I don't know what is around the bend. I'm not interested in anybody else. I'm just stuck and he can't change that for me. I have to do that for myself. I can't ask for him to wait. He has been talking about children a lot lately. He has waxed on the idea of being a father. Putting himself in that scenario. We have talked at length about kids - other people's kids, our ideas about kids, what kind of parents we would want to be, so much about it. I need to know what it is he is thinking now.

    *on the topic of kids, I've been thinking a lot about that too. It's not a longing, exactly, but just an openness to even think about it as a real possibility again and what would that be like? what would life be like? I 100% know that I would enjoy being a mom, that was never a question. And I think I would be a good one, though of course I have my mini doubts on certain issues and topics, but the question really is could I ever commit to being a mom?! When my cat died last winter, I didn't get another pet, even though I love cats and dogs, because I didn't like the responsibility. lol. I laugh but it's true - like a kid myself, I like the fun times but not the responsibility. I do step up, but is that enough? Is that how it is for others, or do others really want that responsibility, like it?! Well I'll leave this for another posting time too...just has been in my head lately...

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