Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: Dating for 8 months and no "I love you"

  1. #1
    streetlove2012
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    227
    Gender
    Female

    Dating for 8 months and no "I love you"

    Hello all,
    I've posted on here before about my conflicts with a man that I've been dating. We are dating exclusively.
    Here I am again seeking some advice on what to do. I can honestly say that this relationship has been moving slowly and it has been a little rocky. I felt lost and confused early on and not sure if I still feel that way.

    A few days ago, we went to dinner and the conversation of "love" came up. I guess I initiated it by saying that "love" just doesn't happen over night and that in my opinion it usually takes a while to tell someone one that you love them. To make a long story short, he said something that really got me thinking.

    He mentioned that he was in a relationship for 3 years with a woman and he never told her that he loved her! What was so odd about this was that he told me that she got pregnant and they were going to keep the baby. I thought to myself. "He's going to have a baby with a woman that he didn't know if he loved or not?" She ended up having a miscarriage and they broke up shortly thereafter.

    I understand that some men are not verbally expressive about their love, but he did tell me that he used to tell his last girlfriend that he loved her so, I don't know if it's just how a man feels with certain women or what, but this is really confusing to me.

    So, I guess my concern is....if he didn't tell a woman that he was going to have a child with "I love you" --what kind of man is he really?
    We've been dating for almost 8 months and he hasn't said "I love you" to me either! I don't know how long is too long to wait for a man to verbally express how he feels about you?

    Any thoughts/opinions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    mhowe
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    56
    Posts
    42,283
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7467
    Does he show you by actions, and not words, that he loves you? Because, they are just words.

    And -- he may not have loved her. That he was in the relationship for sex, or companionship -- but it wasn't love. When someone says "she got pregnant" as though he wasn't part of the process -- that sounds like it wasn't "planned".

    Anyway, there is no real time line -- people feel what they feel, and you can't force it. Do you love him?

  3. #3
    streetlove2012
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    227
    Gender
    Female
    To give you a brief overview of his actions---
    We spend almost every day together including weekends.
    He's kind and includes me in outings that he's had with family and friends.
    He cooks dinner for me.
    But then this is why I feel lost and confused sometimes. We don't hug and kiss when we say "hello" or "goodbye"
    He never holds my hand in public or when we are walking side by side.
    We rarely talk about "us"---like some couples do when they are alone together.

    I honestly don't know what to make of his actions. Our relationship is kind of weird and hard to describe.
    Sometimes I feel like its not "normal". I know what love feels like and how two people that love each other act around each other and I don't see that with us.
    I can honestly say that I'm beginning to feel like I love him, but I'm not going to say it first.

  4. #4
    becomingkate
    Platinum Member becomingkate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    51
    Posts
    2,513
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    63
    It's tough. You don't want to rush anyone but you don't want to waste your time either.
    In my current relationship, we began dating in May and he told me near the end of September. I remember thinking that it took awhile!

  5. #5
    mhowe
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    56
    Posts
    42,283
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7467
    This isn't about saying it first. If you know what love feels like, do you love HIM? Not the relationship, not love....HIM?

    What if you initated the hugs and kiss hello/goodbye.

    I did this w/ my bf, who is not demonstrative, and now it comes naturally to him.

    What do you need to "discuss" about "us". Getting engaged? Having kids?
    When you are with him, are you happy? Comfortable?

    And btw, how do people that love each other act? Shouldn't they just be?

  6. #6
    streetlove2012
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    227
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by becomingkate [Register to see the link]
    It's tough. You don't want to rush anyone but you don't want to waste your time either.
    In my current relationship, we began dating in May and he told me near the end of September. I remember thinking that it took awhile!
    Well, 3-4 months is usually the normal time span it takes for someone to really know if they love you or not.
    Maybe this man doesn't love me! I don't know.
    And I'm beginning to think that I may be wasting my time.
    The other night he mentioned that his ex- sent him a text. (They've been broken up for almost 9 months).
    He said that she told him that she had a nightmare and wanted to know if he was doing ok. Funny thing is her birthday is this weekend.
    I just don't know what to believe. Did she text him to see if he would reply or because she really had a nightmare about him?

  7. #7
    streetlove2012
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    227
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by mhowe [Register to see the link]
    This isn't about saying it first. If you know what love feels like, do you love HIM? Not the relationship, not love....HIM?

    What if you initated the hugs and kiss hello/goodbye.

    I did this w/ my bf, who is not demonstrative, and now it comes naturally to him.

    What do you need to "discuss" about "us". Getting engaged? Having kids?
    When you are with him, are you happy? Comfortable?

    And btw, how do people that love each other act? Shouldn't they just be?
    I understand it isn't about who says "I love you" first or not. I don't know if I completely love him.
    I know that I'm beginning to feel like I love him, but I'm not fully there yet.
    I'm happy when I'm around him. I initiate kisses and hugs a lot of the time, but I guess I would love to see him put in his part as well.
    He actually brought up the "we don't talk about us" subject in one of our arguments and I just said ok, then talk about us. And he just changed the subject.

  8. #8
    mhowe
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    56
    Posts
    42,283
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7467
    Well -- now we have more info.

    You are dating a man who was single for a month in between relationships. Flag!
    Depending on how that one ended, he may be reticent to express emotions-----

    she texted him because she wants attention. And now, right in front of her bday, she "jumped" up so he would see her.

    He told you about it. Which means he doesn't care.

    My concern is you are more concerned about the words than the actions. Maybe he is waiting for you to say it. Maybe he has been stung before by saying it too soon. There is really no rule book.

  9. #9
    HeartGoesOn
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    14,813
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2995
    So, I guess my concern is....if he didn't tell a woman that he was going to have a child with "I love you" --what kind of man is he really?
    I think that would be judging him unfairly. She consented to being intimate with him, while not being clear on where they stood, as well as knowing the consequences of that choice.

  10. #10
    mhowe
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    56
    Posts
    42,283
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7467
    Quote Originally Posted by streetlove2012 [Register to see the link]
    I understand it isn't about who says "I love you" first or not. I don't know if I completely love him.
    I know that I'm beginning to feel like I love him, but I'm not fully there yet.
    I'm happy when I'm around him. I initiate kisses and hugs a lot of the time, but I guess I would love to see him put in his part as well.
    He actually brought up the "we don't talk about us" subject in one of our arguments and I just said ok, then talk about us. And he just changed the subject.
    Okay, so it's okay if you are uncertain if YOU love him, but it's not okay that he may still be uncertain?
    If he is not used to doing it (hugs/kisses), it will take time. It was not "normal" for my bf....and now it is. You just have to be patient -- I mean, he enjoys the hugs and kisses, right?

    And maybe, previously, his ex was always having "the talk". Do you have a need to?

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Girlfriend never wants to see parents again.. need advice
Hi, I've been dating my girlfriend now for 4 years and had moved in together around the 3 year mark. Our relationship is kind of up and down, we
What does it mean? So depressed.
Hi everyone, I (26) wrote here a few months ago talking about my bf (32) looking for specific porn actresses and how to deal with it, and thanks to
Live together, I want to move out but stay together, he says all or nothing
Hello! I am 24, hes 23. We have lived together for about a year and 8 months. We have one roommate, his best friend. The first year we lived
My boyfriend lied about another girl
Hi there I've been with my boyfriend for around 6 years now. Things are generally good between us and we both love eachother very much. Three
New baby and financial issues
Hi Me and my gf have been together for about 3 years and we recently had a baby boy who is 6 months old. Prior to the baby we really never had any
No intimacy in relationship, anal-only sex
[COLOR=#404040][FONT=Roboto][SIZE=3][FONT=microsoft sans serif]Hi
My Girlfriend "flirts" online with other men
Hi guys, Good day to you, may i check if the following situation is normal please: 1. Girlfriend adds tons of random FB guy friends she does

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Why don't guys express themselves
I just want an understanding as to why a guy will hold in all or majority of their emotions and feelings when it comes to their girlfriends... Not
Part 2
Apparently I am rife with confusion over this gentleman. So he and I had a perfect date yesterday. We have a great amount in common, and our
Tinder is making me hate women
I thought I'd set up a Tinder account again. This time I tried to take better photos, with my face clearly shown, with myself at a party, and a photo
Kissing
Why does my boyfriend kiss me with his eyes open?
Resentment towards bf..
Lately I have been struggling with wanting to have a healthy relationship with my partner however things in the past are constantly being brought up
Boyfriend of 3 years had been sleeping with escorts and going on dates
I've always had an unexplainable feeling that my boyfriend might be unfaithful but I always chalked that up to my own insecurities. I know it's
Is there a future?
I'm 22 and about to enter my PhD at an Ivey league University. I've been dating the most patient, understanding, affectionate, funny, and adoring man
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •