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Thread: She's said YES!!

  1. #1
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    She's said YES!!

    I'm looking for a bit of advice really on how to handle the pending situation.

    My ex dumped me 3 weeks ago, because she "didn't feel that way" and there was "no spark". However, we always had a great time together.

    After returning from Holiday yesterday (and her contacting me for small talk whilst I was away), I asked if she'd wanna take things slowly and see how it goes.

    She agreed, but said as long as there was no pressure, as she can't deal with that right now. (her entire house and car flooded in the recent UK weather)

    I know we broke up because I have the Mr. Nice Guy syndrome, I'm not simply a "nice guy". Things got boring and I stopped making time for my friends etc....
    The classic "I gave her everything but she smashed my heart" scenario.

    I need to know how to get past that "awkward" phase that will ensue, it's not like a first date when you can ask lots of interesting questions and give off that exciting "new guy" vibe.

    She knows me, so how can I get beyond the awkwardness, show her I'm not gonna be a sap again, without it looking forced or try-hard?
    Do I just follow the initial dating rules?? be flirty, tease, light touches, have a laugh?? or do I try and re-instate the relationship that ended without this foreplay?

    I dread the moment I am sat in front of her, trying to be "flirty" and watching her face turn up at the thought. I need to be above her in the food chain, not looked down upon.

  2. #2
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    Sorry, but what did she say "yes" to? Taking things slowly? Doesn't sound like a great sign, man. The best way to "be above her in the food chain" right now is to be too busy to contact her at all.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    I agree with Chris. By agreeing to "taking it slow" and the fact that you are so excited that she agreed to that, means that no matter what you say or do she will see through it and know you are desperate to get her back. Don't be in such a rush to see her. Flirting with her will give the impression that you are trying too hard. If she is having issues with her car and house flooding then she has a lot of stuff to sort out. At this point in time, rather than focusing on trying to be "exciting" and "flirtatious", why not just offer to give her hand if she has to clean out her house etc, whatever needs to be done to help her through the flooding issues. While that falls into being "nice guy", it also falls into being a naturallly concerned person who wants to help someone going through a rough time. That will take the pressure off of you to "perform". You want things to be natural rather than to have to put on a performance for her.

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    Unfortunately and statistically you'll be back here. Not that I wish that though.

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    Yes, I don't want that to happen obviously.

    But my track record with women has been the same, no problem getting with them. It's keeping them I have trouble with, and always the same reasons.

    I change who I am once I am in a relationship - this time I want to stop that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by incomingfire
    ...how can I get beyond the awkwardness, show her I'm not gonna be a sap again, without it looking forced or try-hard?
    Realise your true potential as a Man, as a Human Being and lose the fear of losing her for good....

    That is your answer, and not only in this relationship but in any future ones you may have....

    Otherwise, like the others have hinted on, you will be forever walking around on eggshells wondering what you should and shouldn't do to please/keep her and that will only blow up in your face eventually anyway....

    Ever Forward
    Carus 8-)

  8. #7
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    good thought !!!!
    IF she is really worthy and IF she treated you right...then try to see how could you turn the table to place both of you on the same page by you getting your "thing" and she hers "taking it slow".
    nothing is lost



    Originally Posted by incomingfire
    Yes, I don't want that to happen obviously.

    But my track record with women has been the same, no problem getting with them. It's keeping them I have trouble with, and always the same reasons.

    I change who I am once I am in a relationship - this time I want to stop that.

  9. #8
    Gold Member OneSadPuppy's Avatar
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    Given your ... condition, are you certain that a relationship is best for you right now?
    If you're aware of your nice guy syndrome, shouldn't you be trying to get back in touch with friends, pursue your dreams, work on yourself?
    It sounds like you're putting a band-aid on what pains you right now. Even if you did connect again with her, I believe the dynamics would end up the same.
    If she was willing to help you along your journey, then maybe that is different and you'd get something out of it regardless.
    Is your ex aware of your "nice guy syndrome"?

    OSP

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by OneSadPuppy
    Is your ex aware of your "nice guy syndrome"?
    OSP
    Yes, she knows. I even told her when we first got together that I can be too nice and that it's caused problems before.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member MikNomis's Avatar
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    Try to think back to the early stages of the relationship. Emulate how you were then.

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