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Thread: Too much pain to lose virginity

  1. #1
    CedarDrop
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    Too much pain to lose virginity

    Hi guys,

    I'm 22 years old, in a relationship with a guy I love (and am very attracted to) and reluctantly still a virgin. This boyfriend is the second one I've tried to have sex with, and the first could hardly fit a finger inside me. I have a gradually tapered dildo I can use now, but I can't stretch anywhere near wide enough to fit my current boyfriend, or any other dildos I've bought. I can currently fit a width like a silver dollar (about an inch in diameter), and that hurts a LOT. Yes, we use plenty of lube, lots of foreplay, etc. Still, he can't even get himself past my labia.

    Please help me guys! I'm so embarrassed to not be able to do something that literal trillions of women have done before. I've put in so much effort, and I'm so afraid I will never get my partner to fit. Even words of encouragement would mean a lot right now; I'm feeling pretty low.

    Thanks everyone.

  2. #2
    Moontiger
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    You probably have a medical condition. There is a name for this. I'll find it an post it here.

  3. #3
    Moontiger
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    Here we go: link removed

    I'll post more links for you but I highly recommend seeing a doctor.

  4. #4
    upsndowns
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    Hi, CedarDrop.

    There is nothing wrong with you, and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It seems like you have put a lot of effort into stretching. Do you know if you have a hymen? Have you ever bled from stretching? If you've never bled, then it's possible that you were born with a hymen and it never broke. I would definitely recommend going to the doctor, if you haven't had a Well Woman's exam before. Depending on the state you live in and your income, you can get a reduced rate at planned parenthood. A healthcare provider can see if there are any abnormalities in your vaginal opening, and even break your hymen surgically if it is tougher than normal. Going to a OBGYN can be scary, so see if a good girlfriend or if your boyfriend can drive you there and/or be with you while the doctor talks about what he/she finds. And just know that no matter what happens, there are plenty of ways to be intimate and enjoy each other sexually without penetration. Some of the best sex I've ever had has been things other than "P in V". Best of luck!

  5. #5
    annie24
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    I think you should go to a gyn and have them check you out. In the meantime, keep working with the dialators.

  6. #6
    jjp223
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    Hmm... This probably won't help much, but have you tried stretching? Like leg stretches? I agree with Moontiger that you probably have a medical condition, but you might not. I had the same problem as you when I was about 15. I wasn't having sex at that age but I had tried touching myself and even just one finger hurt a LOT. As of now, I've been having sex for a couple years but it still hurts for the first minute or so the first time I do have sex after a week without any.

  7. #7
    Moontiger
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    Ask your doctor if you possible have Vaginismus.

  8. #8
    CedarDrop
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    Hey guys, thanks for your advice.

    I have thought about vaginismus as a possible cause, though with what (admittedly minimal) progress I've made, I thought maybe normal stretching was what I needed. I will probably end up seeing a gynecologist one way or the other. I'm Canadian, so it's free, so nothing to lose really. Also, I believe I lost my hymen as an adolescent from horseback riding, since some unexplained blood after a lesson, but it is certainly a strong possibility. One way or the other, I'd like to have an answer, so I guess I'll book my appointment.

  9. #9
    FathomFear
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    Quote Originally Posted by CedarDrop [Register to see the link]
    Hey guys, thanks for your advice.

    I have thought about vaginismus as a possible cause, though with what (admittedly minimal) progress I've made, I thought maybe normal stretching was what I needed. I will probably end up seeing a gynecologist one way or the other. I'm Canadian, so it's free, so nothing to lose really. Also, I believe I lost my hymen as an adolescent from horseback riding, since some unexplained blood after a lesson, but it is certainly a strong possibility. One way or the other, I'd like to have an answer, so I guess I'll book my appointment.
    One of my best friends was diagnosed with vaginismus. The thing is that it can be physical, psychological, or a combination of both. My friend has been prescribed various creams but also had a psychological evaluation too. I'd definitely pursue that route. My friend is glad she did.

  10. #10
    blueidealist24
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    I had the same problem when a guy fingered me although he did get two fingers in, I just didn't LIKE it.. that's partly why I'm afraid to have sex.. I didn't think I had a medical condition, I just thought I was small down there and a wimp about pain, but maybe I do have a problem too, hmm! I'm afraid to go to a gyno too though lol, I'm almost like screw it, I won't ever have sex or I'll just put up with the pain somehow. I've also considered trying to lose my virginity to a guy with a small you know (can't type the word or it's starred) although some people say it still reallly hurts.

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