Dating : Male struggle - Chapter I

Author's Note

Stephen King, Cervantes, Dan Brown , Shakespeare, Dr. Freud. None of them has contributed entirely or partially to this work.

PREFACE

To me, for having endure all those unwanted and unnecessary headaches.

PROLOGUE

Monthly female menstruation…I want one of those! With all its discomfort and moods swing. Who cares! I just want one of those. Simple.

I heard some women got terrible pains, lots of tummy cramps and so on.

Still, I want one of those.

I bet its gotta be less painful than reading on the Dating Forum how your 100K salary or your new Lamborghini is gonna miraculously solve your dating life and improve your knowledge about the Venus inhabitants.

It is sad but could you possible blame them for such idiotic thoughts ? Society hasn’t been this shallow in our entire human history.

And times haven't been this fast since the light speed. I want a girlfriend but not now…yesterday!

To succeed in today's dating scene one must think back on his mother and on the times she was working at home : multitasking.

Otherwise how could you possibly talk to a woman in a bar while sipping your drink, replying to your whatsapp message along with checking your facebook and replying to your email ?

Indeed, mothers are one of a kind. The Queens of the multitasking.

But our male brains are wired in a way that we panic once presented with the challenge to execute two jobs at the same time.

I have tried this at home several times with no success. Cooking always ends up with the fire brigade at my front door.

And yes, the world is gone mad. Men behave like women and women keep wondering where all the real men are.

The few male survivors got left with nothing more than astonishment and bewildered about what to do next. It's all very confusing.

We need to reset ourselves to our primary instincts and to regain our male traits that once earned us the respect not only among each other but also from the female population.

I was thinking about a monthly reset, like a constant reminder, something like you can't avoid even if you wanted to.

Like when you were a kid and your mother took you by the ear to make sure you got to school…and on time.

I keep thinking and thinking…and the more I think about it the more convinced I am that I want one of those : monthly menstruation.

CHAPTER ONE : THE USUAL SUSPECT

He is loud, got no manners and on the look for any iHole moving around. Given the chance, this guy will sexually assault the Teletubbies.

A successful life means to him having had sex once in his life with the promise for more.

His usual "working-place" is the crowded bar or pub located on the corner of any given city.

And yet, this is my favorite candidate, the one to excel beyond imagination.

Sooner rather than later, he will hit rock bottom to find himself lying down on the sofa of a depressed psychologist who promised him to rediscover and find himself in some kind of third dimension beyond the Solar System.

After some bucks and disgusted by the office smell, he will decide to take a grip of himself and do what smart and conscious people do at their lowest point : hit the brakes and let that airbag punch you in the face.

This is his reset time.

His friends get worried because he is not being the usual moron of the group. Clowns are quite noticed.

His mother thinks he has been possessed by the devil. Granny writes to the Pope.

But our usual suspect has been handed over the key to the matrix and Neo doesn’t rule there.

His brain is recollecting all useful information and reliving the shameful moments. Adjustment is taking place and realizations are being accepted.

Our man is ready to hit the dating scene.

CHAPTER TWO : YOUR DATING EQUIPMENT

…coming soon.

To the OP--do you honestly think it's helpful to view men and women as these drastically different creatures? I don't think it's particularly helpful to view men as neaderthals who walk around and want to screw everything with a hole in it, who can't cook, etc.

To the OP--do you honestly think it's helpful to view men and women as these drastically different creatures?

yes,because they are.

I don't think it's particularly helpful to view men as neaderthals who walk around and want to screw everything with a hole in it,

neither do I, but our usual suspect does...or used to. more chapters coming and getting to the point.

who can't cook, etc.

I cant and I proudly say I order food online . No shame on that.

I'm pretty curious to read successive chapters, OP. You're piquing my interest with this one.

Thanks Camus!!

You wont be disappointed.

I'm pretty curious to read successive chapters, OP. You're piquing my interest with this one.

To the OP--do you honestly think it's helpful to view men and women as these drastically different creatures?

 

yes,because they are.

In what was your classify them as "drastically different"? The basic human condition is pretty much the same for everyone. Most people yearn for love, companionship, intimacy, etc.

I mean, I'm a gay guy and frequent quite a few LGBT forums. The same dating dilemmas that arise on straight forums are pretty much the same that arise on the gay ones. People stress about how to initiate, how to meet new people, how to manage relationships early, etc.

In any case, I don't want to derail your thread. I'm just doubting the premiss that you need to view dating through the lens of viewing men and women as very different kinds of people. Because I honestly don't really see that. If anything, gender differences tend to get overblown and made into the scapegoat for why relationships fail. When in reality the very same things occur even in relationships where there are no gender differences.

The basic human condition is pretty much the same for everyone. Most people yearn for love, companionship, intimacy, etc.

you are 100% right here BUT the way both genders perceive it OR need it is completely different.

People stress about how to initiate, how to meet new people, how to manage relationships early, etc.

and yet we behave differently facing the same circumstances.

If anything, gender differences tend to get overblown and made into the scapegoat for why relationships fail.

and again you are 100% right here (this time not BUT ). Its like NC, used indiscriminately regardless of the situation and the character of the people involved.

CHAPTER TWO : YOUR DATING EQUIPMENT

Yes, you need to be equipped to date.

So let's go through the initial list (some other utilities will be picked up along the way) :

- Firm conviction that women are also human beings and that infatuation is a product of your own mental problem.

- Vocabulary upgrade along with some light subliminal initial knowledge (this is how they sale you stuff you don’t need)

- Nice posture (hit the gym and keep your back straight)

- Renew your closet

- Refine your manners

- Hygiene

- A beautiful smile

Ready to go !

CHAPTER THREE : GOLDEN RULES

Also referred as " no time wasters". They will give you a distinctive advantage above the rest. Break them and you will get lost in a crowd :

- Dating doesn’t mean to be in a relationship

- Dating is for the courageous to explore and wonder about oneself psyche and what motivates people

- Your heart is to pump blood and not to interfere in your "diplomatic" relations.

- Don’t waste time in women who are not interested in you.

- Ego is for people involved in relationships.

- You are a professional. Being rejected was their loss.

- Bouncing back is what you do for a living.

All clear !

CHAPTER FOUR : HITTING THE GROUND

.. coming soon.

CHAPTER THREE : GOLDEN RULES

Also referred as " no time wasters". They will give you a distinctive advantage above the rest. Break them and you will get lost in a crowd :

- Dating doesn’t mean to be in a relationship

- Dating is for the courageous to explore and wonder about oneself psyche and what motivates people

- Your heart is to pump blood and not to interfere in your "diplomatic" relations.

- Don’t waste time in women who are not interested in you.

- Ego is for people involved in relationships.

- You are a professional. Being rejected was their loss.

- Bouncing back is what you do for a living.

All clear !

I disagree. If you are very forceful with them, then it's definitely your mannerism that caused the problem.

since when being rejected equals to have been forceful ?

CHAPTER FOUR : HITTING THE GROUND

It's Friday night, you just shaved, had a nice shower, wearing your Gucci by Gucci perfume, nice jeans, cool t-shirt, some hair gel on, brushed your teeth and most importantly…you are all horny!!

Bro, in order to be successful tonight we got to keep those hormones under control so nobody, NOBODY! sees your true colors. Gotta play it cool and always under the radar (scarcity mentality and desperation is a killer!)

Remember, we are going out to have fun, to enjoy ourselves. The girl/sex thing is the Cherrie on top of the cake but not a necessity (who are we kidding…but push this thought so we avoid getting disappointed).

Avoid to meet the clown boys or anybody who might bring bad aura on your endeavors. This is serious business for you. You are on a mission here!

Feeling like taking a wing man ? Sure, no problem but no clumsy guys.

Now…where to go, right ?

Wrong ! First let's talk about who are you looking after.

CHAPTER FIVE : FEMALE COUNTERPART

.. coming soon.

CHAPTER FIVE : FEMALE COUNTERPART

 

.. coming soon.

More more more!! hahaha

CHAPTER FIVE : FEMALE COUNTERPART

Yep, girls also get horny.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is that you might not be their type. So we need to be selective…and quick on our assessments (refer to the Golden Rules : Don’t waste time in women who are not interested in you.)

These are the different kind of women you will encounter on your night expeditions, and mainly are :

- The Lost One : she doesn’t belong here or there. Limbo is her waking station. Her girlfriends drag her feet to go out. You will recognize her by rapid head movements looking everywhere. NO GO !!

- I'm Here Type : she is just another spectator. She goes out with her girlfriends out of curiosity. Seriously boring and a clear NO GO !! Poor social skills on the verge of fake arrogance. Slow head movements. Not interested in sex.

- Just Got Out : left behind a relationship and looking for some serious distraction. FAIR GAME!! She talks fast, over (forced ?) excitement, drinks one after the other and dances all over the place hugging her girlfriends and some same-sex hot make out might happen to draw in attention. Nobody is her particular type and everybody is welcome if you can provide some serious action. Watch out for her stalker (the ex).

- Everybody's Girlfriend : you will get lucky with her sooner or later and not much work needed. Strict condom policy!

- The Piranha : On the outs with her stunning good looks to get some freebies like dinners, rides, drinks and to be treated like a Princess…she is already somebody's else Queen! Our cutting-edge maneuvers will make her fond of us and introduce us to other high-end chicks.

- The Lady : Refined, good manners, smells good…full blown psycho in disguise! Her tempo is asymmetrical and her smile is full of bitterness. Short and extremely intense "quickies". Long sessions and you will be met with some rude words.

- The Pseudo Intellectual : She thinks she knows a lot. She often quotes wrongly from texts she saw at the bookstore. She will remind everyone of Plato’s analogy of the cave and Buddha’s wheel. She wants to appear well learned at all cost. Why ? Because she knows she needs to stir your mind to keep you interested (yes, you are a high-end material now!!!). Mostly lousy sex.

- The B-AICH : She wants and likes sex and is not being apologetic about it. She mainly goes for hotties like you. I highly recommend no more than two sessions.

- The Intellectual : She is unaware of any social trends and we will need to focus on stimulating her brain. She is indifferent to her clothing style but underneath them there is a steamy, smoking hot figure with a healthy sex appetite. Do not rush any move and avoid going Zhen because that crap is way to deep.

- The Player : Oh boy! This is my favorite one !!! And this type should be only dealt by seasoned guys. Stay away from her if you don’t firmly believe that there are evil people among us. Cruelty and deception at its best. She will peal all your layers to get to your very core to let you watch how she cuts it in pieces while enjoying watching you in agony. She will mirror you, she will show you everything you could possibly feel, her innocence and vulnerability will bring down your guards, her lies will seem hijacked truths and before you know it you become first class stalker chasing your own ghosts. They give a new meaning to psychopaths. The sex sessions are intense and she is willing to go to mind-places where other girls would get lost. They are Satan's daughters on Earth and you aint particularly a priest. Her manipulative tactics are only based on your desires. I will teach you a first class game to spot them and enjoy them without a harm.

If at any moment you fail to remember and live by the Golden Rules, all these women will have something in common :

They will love knowing you want them, and can't have them.

CHAPTER SIX : I AM HORNY

We hear you loud and clear.

And there is nothing more beautiful than feeling those urges all over your body and wanting to share them unselfishly with the female population. We all know what a giving person you are.

Now, your horniness might just be a small handicap for tonight. At some stage it might even let you settle for less and at an earlier time neglecting other prizes or experiences.

Sooo..you are gonna have to have sex with yourself before going out there. Looking desperate is a killer.

We need to have the brain in control and not your reserve-head.

Close the door and do your business. Don’t forget to wash your hands, please!! Gross…

CHAPTER SEVEN : HER EXTERNAL G- SPOT

…coming soon.

CHAPTER SEVEN : HER EXTERNAL G- SPOT

It's you !!!!

Her external G-spot got nothing to do with her internal one. It's not physical, it's not palpable. It's your attitude !

The way you walk, the way you turn your neck, the way you smile, your voice tone, your eyes.

These are all traits that will trig her external G-spot. And needs further stimulation.

Flirting is the sophisticated art of wanting something while retrieving oneself.

Say what ? Come again ?

You insinuate wanting something and at the same time showing reluctance (regardless of the reason).

You can do so first by action and then avoiding it verbally or vice versa.

This elevates her interest and picks on her desires.

The tension is being created while no party is giving in.

We need to take her down on her own desires, make her want it more so she gives in.

How ?

During all this flirting-dancing you will get close to her so she can smell you (I hope you bought the perfume I suggested!), you will whisper in her ear letting your lips touch her ear lobule, your cheek against hers while you whisper,…

Whispering is a close range action so let your shoulder/upper arm touch her breast GENTLY (don’t press, don’t be too obvious!).

And the final stroke : place your hand on her waist and squeeze her very gently while giving her that devilish and hot spicy smile of yours and remove your hand.

Look at her face now : all smiley and jiggling.

You will find now a woman more keen to your sexual advances.

Take your time, she aint going anywhere.

CHAPTER EIGHT : CODE OF CONDUCT

A man without ethics is no worth meeting. And women know that.

Lets assume you know the basic ones. Now let's remember them again :

- Be kind to your parents…all the time

- Visit them no less than twice a week.

- Send flowers to your mother with a note : "Because I love you unconditionally, eternally ".

- Don’t neglect your sisters. Be their escape-goat.

- Never betray a friend. Fight and bleed with them.

- Honor your promises…always!

- Your friends current girlfriends or exs are off-limits

- Be generous and aid the weak and defeated ones

- Don’t be an ignorant, sacrifice pleasure to achieve knowledge (university)

- Take good care of your neighbors

- If you cant help offer kindness and a warm smile. Words of encouragement are food for the soul.

- Stay horny

CHAPTER NINE : I AM EVIL

.. coming soon.

Smooth, I could see me falling for that. Or maybe not, well not now! Very...umm vivid your description haha.. I could almost smell that guy's perfume to say the least.

So this whole ordeal is just to get laid?

Except for (maybe) The Intellectual, all those girls seem pretty one-dimensional and just negative. Are those the kinds of girls you would say hang out in bars/clubs?

Whole ordeal ?

This whole act shouldnt take longer than 5 minutes...if you know how to time your timing, of course.

Yes, just to get laid...how sad is that ?

Still, better and cheaper than having to buy a Lamborghini...

Me personally I dont like the Intellectual. As soon as you show her that your brain holds a dozen neurons she will go into the competition mode, like if she needs to prove and validate herself.

Yes, sex might be good but her company will get tiring very quick.

I like more the player. She is thrilling, vibrant and will show you new versions of your own personality. A complete walk on the wild side.

As for the one-dimensional comment...dont forget to wear your 3D glasses when going out

Smooth, I could see me falling for that. Or maybe not, well not now! Very...umm vivid your description haha.. I could almost smell that guy's perfume to say the least.

 

So this whole ordeal is just to get laid?

 

Except for (maybe) The Intellectual, all those girls seem pretty one-dimensional and just negative. Are those the kinds of girls you would say hang out in bars/clubs?

CHAPTER NINE : I AM EVIL

Like any other thing in life, the more you know the more responsible you should be.

And with responsibility comes duty.

And duty demands us to do the right thing.

That's why you never ask while on Dating Tour !!

Forget about the " got boyfriend ? " or " that ring...means you...?? "

What's that of your business anyway ? Or you planning to take confessions on the spot ?

DONT ASK A THING !!!

Yes, guilt-free pass. Call it whatever you want...just dont ask a thing!!

You are a professional. A joy provider. Pleasure is your hallmark.

Then act accordingly !

Hey dumba, I like reading this, it's funny !

Your seduction thing ..do you actually do this in real life, don't you just run with the moment? lol

Plus I think a lot of girls have a bit of all those traits in them.

Quirky,

Im kind of upset with you...shouldnt be talking to you....in fact, I should avoid you no matter what!!

Why ?

Because of that dramabutton!!!!

I got completely hooked up to it...so much that i play it like 60/80 times a day!!!!

when the phone rings, before i eat, after eating, before i light up a cigarette...aaarrrgggghhhh!!!!

I wanna stop but I cant !!!! Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..Drama button..

About your question...I do run with the moment, this is just a guide for people who are shy or dont know how to approach the whole dating scene.

But running with the moment doesnt mean not keeping up a good,healthy and sexy approach to it.

Once you lose the manners or go full speed, you are just another guy.

The important lesson in all this is to make a good impression and to lose the fear showing a woman you desire her.

Very basic steps which I still make use of them. They are a classic

Glad you are amused!

Hey dumba, I like reading this, it's funny !

Your seduction thing ..do you actually do this in real life, don't you just run with the moment? lol

Plus I think a lot of girls have a bit of all those traits in them.

CHAPTER TEN : PHONE MANNERS

You played your cards right, phone numbers were exchanged and off you went.

Days later on she calls.

If there is a huge turn on for women is to do the chasing.

That’s right, women love doing the chasing.

You don’t see it quite often because men are all over them and they don’t give them the chance or time to do so.

Sad but true.

But not you ! You are busy, got a life, studying, visiting parents, catching up with friends…the downside of a brilliant and fulfilling life.

Where were we ? Oh, yeah! She was calling you. Right !

Before you take that call, remember ! she is calling you because she wants more of the fun, exciting man she met some nights ago.

And we are not interested in serious and boring stuff. We love to tease !

So, pick up that call and let her have a blast…lets challenge and motivate her brain.

Remind her that you copyrighted quality time.

Be light, refreshing and a flirt.

Some of my lines :

YOU : Hornies4U Incorporated…how may I help you ?

She : hahahahahahahahahahaha

YOU : Naked and Twisted offices…how may I help you ?

She : hahahahahahahahahaha

BE FUN !!!!!

She doesn’t want or need a boyfriend, she wants fun and humor !!!

Never prolong a call longer than 5 minutes, leave them wanting more, more, more. more…

Let her be the first one to propose to meet. Never take in a same day meeting. You got a life, remember ?

End the call with a "say something naughty" , if she laughs and refuses then threaten with " Im smsing you then my naked picture".

At this stage she knows what you want and it will be a fun time together.

Try it.

This thread is awesome!

Even if you're offended at at the insight to a "hunters" mentality, this is pretty much how it is!

CHAPTER ELEVEN : HESITATIONS (and other poor moves)

Most of the human suffering comes from wanting or desiring.

Imagine your life without ambitions, without lust.

What have you got left ?

That's right, your cousin Tommy.

At some point in his life he decided to give up on life's hardships and the rewards of it.

He thought it was too much hassle, too many problems, lots of energy to be invested on it.

And not long ago he settled for the ordinary, what you and me are accustomed to see daily on others : they welcome whatever comes along.

But not you !

You know that there is always something better, constantly on the move.

Well spoken, firm convictions, positive attitude and a bright outlook on life.

You know you can do better than the previous man and the one to come up soon.

Because women, like life, will present you challenges and hardships that will confront you with your weaknesses and temptations.

Because yesterday you embraced your nature and shortcomings.

Because today you know that living entitles failing.

That's why you never hesitate.

CHAPTER TWELVE : KIND REMINDER

Bro ! I am not your father but somebody gotta do it : Did you call your mother this week ?

Because if you coming to this thread just to read and learn how to get laid, you are wasting your time.

You need values to succeed in all areas, and the family one is the backbone of all of them !!

Who is gonna hear about all your crashes and cries ?

Who is gonna have to deal with all that and welcome you back once again to your childhood bedroom ? YOUR MOTHER !!!

So :

If you live on your own, just call her and let her know you had an almost amazing dinner...it was just missing her love (might sound corny but this is your mother!)

And if you live with your parents, you can bring her some flowers and let her know that you could never be grateful enough for all she has done for you.

Your mother, above all women, is the one who deserves the total and absolute recognition.

This refreshes and reinforces the family bonds. Without them, you are lost and left on the open for the pack of wolves.

This bond is the only one that splits and shares all the tragic and sad moments in life, making it bearable so that you can keep moving on safe and sound.

I just called mine and asked her "How is my Queen doing today ? ". She loves it !!!

You cant be a success with women if you dont know how to treat the woman who gave you birth.

Just call so we can move to the next chapter...pronto !

CHAPTER THIRTEEN : PURRISH THE CAT

I had a cat called Purrish.

He was horny every day, all the time. Just like me.

One day I decided to reward him with a beautiful kitty.

She was a shorthaired British blue cat. Stunning !!

I must confess I even thought about a trio but that is just another story.

Anyways, he completely ignored her.

Poor kitty, she tried all seductive moves but nothing seemed to work.

I returned her to her owner with the plausible excuse that Purrish was sick. I had to protect his honor.

Back home I asked him what happened and about his poor performance.

He told me :

"Dude, the first thing she asked was if I was the only cat around here. I aint anybody's option but the tail to go to…always! "

Two things to learn here :

1 - Self-value ALWAYS brings back respect and admiration.

2 - Yes, my cat could speak and read.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN : DO THE WALK

.. coming soon.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN : DO THE WALK

The eyes are the windows to the soul…or some crappy line along those words.

Geee…those romantics really got some imagination. Get lost !

But how to tell you want something without uttering a word ? In complete silence.

Staring at it !

Next time you are sitting at the bar and going to the toilette or to get yourself another drink…stare !

Of course we all noticed that hottie in the corner. She is all yammy yammy, I agree with you.

A 3 seconds stare it's all it takes.

But stare to what ?

To her legs !

Right at the hips level. Both sides and a one mili-mega second stare in between, from your trip from the left to the right hip.

Quick glance at her eyes to let her know you mean it.

Lets do it again :

1 second left hip level

1 second right hip level

0,001 in between hips (yes! right there)

rest her eyes

Don’t overdo it !

If she likes you, her imagination will go on over-drive mode. Her mind started all the process but in reverse : she started with the cigarette.

On your way back to your place ignore her completely. Control yourself.

After 10 minutes you should lock eyes and put into practice that much rehearsed devilish smile of yours.

Girls do this naturally to assess your sexual interest level on her.

Next time you are on the couch and making out with a woman, pay attention to where she stares when you stand up.

That's right : between your legs !