21 weeks pregnant and husband disappeared!

Hi, I don’t know how to start this. But… I am having some serious problem right now. I’m 21 weeks pregnant and really need some help.

Both my husband and I know that my hormone is going crazy which isn’t fun for either of us at all or anybody else. Most of the times I don’t want to be talk to or near to anyone. Also little things that seem innocent and make no sense seem to get on my nerve so bad.

I know my husband have it really hard and he is really trying to do his best to be there for me.

A bit more than a week ago, his mother passed away. Ever since then, things have just been getting really bad.

I was mad at him because ever since his mother passed away, he has been a big baby about it. He took a week off work against my suggestion. Now he is home a lot more which doesn’t help at all!

To make thing worse, he seems to show no regarding for my needs or anything and doesn’t appreciate any support I have gave. It was very tough for me to try giving him any support since I really can’t stand him at all, let lone try to be around him with him wanting to hug or be close to me a lot.

Thing seems to steadily get worse over the time. Finally four days ago, we got in a terrible argue and I ended up did few things that I really regret and am not proud of.

My husband ended up left at middle of the night then took almost all money out of the bank account next day.

He isn’t answering phone call and have answered text only twice despite of numerous calls and texts I sent him!

I have tried to apologize many times and explain him that I didn’t mean to be that way toward him. Yet he doesn’t even seem to care.

I don’t know what to do anymore! I’m getting desperate and scared.

Do you have any family or friends you can call? If not, then maybe do a Google search a crises center in your area. They should be able to help you to relax and also help you look at options for your future.

His mother died and you consider him a "baby" for taking time of work? Hormones or no, that is off the wall unbelievably insensitive on your part.

Look, when my sister was pregnant she could not stand the smell of boiling pasta. It would drive her off the wall. Her SO went nine months without eating pasta and making late night trips to the store for watermelon. I lived with them during part of this so I get how pregnancy can make you irrational. But it by no means gives you the right to be so callous about his mother's death.

In this situation you need to apologize and figure out away to get yourself under control. Talk to your doctor and see a therapist.

Pregnancy doesn't give you the right to be so nasty to him because you think he's a baby for grieving for his dead mother.

You say you can't stand him, why do you even want to be with him?

My husband doesn’t have many family members beside an aunt that he rarely talks to. As for friends, most of them don’t even live in this country. He traveled all over the world after he graduated high school and only settle when we met.

I’m not calling him baby because he is so down over his mother’s death. I’m calling him a baby because he acts like he cannot do anything. Despite of getting on my nerve, he at least was trying to help around here while working. Ever since his mother passed away, he barely does anything despite of having more time home! He also doesn’t even give much considerate to what I need or anything.

I warned him that if he want to take a week off work, it isn’t good if he just stay around home whole time. He didn’t listen.

He also bring lot of boxes from his mother’s house to sort through here and make a mess then get mad when I complain about it.

I can’t stand him most of the time, but before I got pregnant, thing was great with us. People keep say that this sort of thing is normal. I have tried to explain him many times. He just doesn’t get it!

No I don't think it's normal. You are still so very insensitive, I cringe reading this. He took a week off from work because he likely couldn't deal with the stress of work and dealing with the fact that his mother just died and his wife has zero remorse or tolerance for him.

Did it every occur to you he is depressed? A very normal thing after a loved one has died especially if he has such a small family. To think he is being a "baby" because he is so emotional devastated he doesn't have the energy to do things around the house is just plain...well, selfish. No offense but you do sound rather selfish and self absorbed.

I have severed from depression off and on for years. There have been times in my life when I could not get out of bed because of it.

You are basically tell him that he cannot grieve his mother's death because its inconvenient for you.

He knew that I wasn’t in the best mood and that hormones are out of wack big time. Yet he chooses to stay home! He could have go and stay in hotel or something!

I tried really hard to be as nice and supportive as possible. But after a few days, it just gets pathetic and old and he was neglecting my need! If he was trying to help me as well then I’d have been more patient, but he act like he cannot do things for me, chore, or anything!

Also it doesn’t give him any right to steal money and disappear without even trying to talk to me or anything!

In my 5 years of being a member on this forum, I am actually speechless. I don't even know what else to say.

I do feel bad for your husband though.

Right. Because you know with his mother dying everything is still about you. How dreadful that he doesn't want to do chores and cannot get over his mothers death in less than a week...

Have you ever had anyone you love die? Guess what, you don't get over it in a week, or a month, it is a long process. To be bluntly honest you come accross as one of the most callous and self-centered person to ever be on ENA.

Are you for real??? You expect a person who has just lost their MOTHER to go to a hotel and be able to stay in their own home?

I think you have destroyed your relationship.

Wow... I am also speechless. I don't blame your husband for skipping town!!

While hormones may affect the way you feel, it is not ok to be so unkind. It sounds like you do not care about him as a person, but just for what he can do for you. Think about it: his mother JUST died, he doesn't have family or friends nearby to talk to, his wife can't stand him. Can you put yourself in his shoes and imagine how lonely that is? I'm sorry you are going through this, and sorry for him, he must be having a very rough time. It is a concern that he took out almost all of the money. Are you working, and able to support yourself? If not, you may need to turn to family for help, and figure out how you are going to support yourself and the baby in the future. Hope that he returns, and that you can treat him as you would want to be treated when he does.

we got in a terrible argue and I ended up did few things that I really regret and am not proud of

What happened?

He is doing what you told him to do. Take his grief some place else. If I was him I would stay away a good long time. This is without a doubt one of the most insensitive and rude situations I have come accross. Pregnant or not if you are THIS unstable you need to see a dr.

Just for comparison how about if this baby you are carrying died and your husband told you you do not need time off and it is super inconvenient and please take your grieving some place else. How would YOU feel?

I also hate to tell you if you feel your "needs" are neglected because someone has the nerve to grieve their dead mother, you are sure going to hate motherhood because it won't be about you anymore.

Maybe motherhood is not for you if you are this selfish.

Well you did want him to leave, so why are you complaining?

You poor thing! You're pregnant and your husband isn't pretending he isn't grieving so he can make everything about you, even though you can't stand the sight of him anyway! He's such a jerk! How dare he want to stay home for a few days when he knows you're pregnant and hormonal. And if he has the audacity to stay home, what the hell is wrong with him for not doing chores? Doesn't he know that YOU'RE PREGNANT, for GOODNESS SAKE! Doesn't he get that that means that YOU need to be his number one priority? So what if his mother died. Who cares? You gave him like.. three days. Time for him to get over it and take care of your every need.

^^^ Is that what you came here looking for? I think it is. That's ridiculous and beyond selfish. People here are extremely supportive 99% of the time, but we also will tell someone when THEY are the problem.

Being pregnant does not make you the center of the universe. Yes, it makes you hormonal so decent men usually become more understanding and patient. However, he's going through one of the hardest things any person has to deal with in their entire life. What kind of twisted world do you live in where chores that you need done are more important than the fact that your husband is in intense emotional pain? It sounds like you don't care about him at all! You actually had the nerve to call him PATHETIC because he's not over it after a few days? No, my friend, you are the pathetic one if you honestly expect him to bow down to whatever you want from him despite having just lost his mother.

This disgusts me more than anything I've ever seen or read. It really does. I'm sorry that you're feeling confused, but your number one priority right now needs to be apologizing to the fullest extent and praying that your husband finds it in his heart to give you another chance. Then you need to put your selfishness aside and focus for once on what he needs.

I'm not sure she's coming back. People like this don't want to hear that they're in the wrong, they want validation for their insanity. She said his mother died "a bit more than a week ago", so let's say nine days. Then she said he finally left four days ago. So that means *five days* passed before learning his mother died and leaving OP.

Ever since his mother passed away, he barely does anything despite of having more time home! He also doesn’t even give much considerate to what I need or anything.

I warned him that if he want to take a week off work, it isn’t good if he just stay around home whole time. He didn’t listen.

"Ever since he barely does anything"?! Five days?! Oh god. This poor man. I would have absolutely run too. He's now got a child he in all likelihood wants to raise someday, but to deal with the child he's going to have to deal with this woman and her attitude. My guess is that he took the money and ran because this had been going on way before the mother passing and it was absolutely the last straw for him.

God I hope that this really is just a hormonal thing and you can settle down, OP. I know this is place where people are supposed to go to feel not alone, but being pregnant is no excuse for being awful to other human being, especially the father of your child. If you really want him back and to make this work, you simply must try to really understand the enormous, life-shattering pain he's experiencing right now and will occasionally experience for the rest of his life, and learn that there are far, far more important things in this world than making you comfortable.

Yeah seriously, you're speaking about him like his mother died 10 years ago and he's still not over it - IT'S BEEN A WEEK!!! Let the poor man grieve!

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and my hormones are crazy but I try my damnest to look after myself and not rely on my partner. We both go to work, we both do housework...I dont EXPECT him to baby me because I'm pregnant. IT's not an illness its supposed to be a nice time.

His mother died. If my partners mother died I'd be so sad for him I wouldnt even think of myself for a moment, I'd make it about being there for him, i wouldnt expect him to meet my needs.

His mother died...and he's a baby for taking a week off work to grieve?

I'll be brutally honest. I can see why he left. If my mother died and my boyfriend called me a baby for taking a week to do nothing but grieve. I'd never speak to him again.

I'm speechless...really.

This is so sad. I feel awful for your husband. What needs could you possibly have that are more important than grief??? You are 21 weeks pregnant. You're barely halfway there. You are not incapable of skin things for yourself. I hope the money he took out of the account is being spent at a lawyer's office.

A bit more than a week ago, his mother passed away. Ever since then, things have just been getting really bad.

I was mad at him because ever since his mother passed away, he has been a big baby about it. He took a week off work against my suggestion. Now he is home a lot more which doesn’t help at all!

To make thing worse, he seems to show no regarding for my needs or anything and doesn’t appreciate any support I have gave. It was very tough for me to try giving him any support since I really can’t stand him at all, let lone try to be around him with him wanting to hug or be close to me a lot.

Poor man. If you can't seriously realize how heartless you've been, I honestly hope he doesnt come back. Your pregnancy is no excuse.

This is sad. OP are you not grieving also for his mom? If you knew her, I am sure you would feel sad. And if my spouse's mother was someone I only met once and she meant something to him, I would be grieving with him for his loss, too. I just hope your husband realizes that it was the hormones talking and forgive you and sweep it under the rug but there is a chance he doesn't. I think 1 week is not long and i think you should give him space.