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Should I break up with my boyfriend because of distance?


littlerain

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 months now. He lives roughly 50 miles away from me. I only get to see 1-2 times a week. It's hard because I miss him. I don't know if I should end things because I don't think we have any plans to move closer to one another anytime soon. I love him, but I always feel so uncertain about things. We are both in our early twenties. I don't want to break up and end up regretting my decision later on. He really loves me & treats me well, but I don't know why I feel this way. What should I do?

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I would stay with him as long as he was treating you well and seeing you at least 1-2 times a week. 50 miles is nothing between lovers. If he can't meet you halfway, well...

 

This^

 

I'd hold off on breaking up with him, as it seems a little trivial, especially when you're only an hour away. Have you talked to him about this?

 

Like Floyd said, try to meet each other half way. Stay over. What's your boyfriend said on this issue? What's he decided to do about it?

 

You said that you're unsure about moving closer together. Is that because he gave you no answer about it? You're only 5 months into the relationship. That's very young, to be honest. Focus on getting to know each other more. You may find out that he may not be the one for you later on. In which case it'd probably would be a counter-intuitive move to move where he is in the first place.

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This^

 

I'd hold off on breaking up with him, as it seems a little trivial, especially when you're only an hour away. Have you talked to him about this?

 

Like Floyd said, try to meet each other half way. Stay over. What's your boyfriend said on this issue? What's he decided to do about it?

 

You said that you're unsure about moving closer together. Is that because he gave you no answer about it? You're only 5 months into the relationship. That's very young, to be honest. Focus on getting to know each other more. You may find out that he may not be the one for you later on. In which case it'd probably would be a counter-intuitive move to move where he is in the first place.

 

I talked to him about this yesterday. He agreed that the distance thing is not very geographically convenient for us both & that he would like to meet each other half way as well. The thing is he's very supportive and good in every way, but I don't know why I still have these doubts when it comes to us. He always treats me very well & he really loves me. My family & friends really like him and he totally has their approval. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's the whole distance thing or what....

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50 Miles? I'm not going to make light of your situations but....50 Miles? One hour drive (or thereabouts) isn't that big of a deal...to me anyway. Then again I've been in 250 mile and 1000 mile long LDR's before.

 

What about the distance is concerning you? Other than perhaps not being able to see each other as often?

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My boyfriend and I have been on and off for over 11 years. We didn't even see each other but once in the first almost ten years. We were basically at opposite ends of the state, then had a few states in between us, plus later he was halfway around the world with deployment. We finally started seeing each other more often in 2011 when I would fly out to see him.

 

Distance can be a pain, and only you can decide if it's too much to handle, but just looking at the surface I don't think it's enough to break up with someone. Not if you truly care about them and want to be with them. You're early on into the relationship, too. Plans to move for some people do not come up or seem like something they are ready to just jump into a do.

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I talked to him about this yesterday. He agreed that the distance thing is not very geographically convenient for us both & that he would like to meet each other half way as well.

 

He's told you that he's willing to meet you halfway. If you're uneasy staying over at his place, this is another fix to it. If you're still feeling uneasy about it, then the problem is not distance.

 

I don't know if it's the whole distance thing or what....
Its not distance. You behoove it to yourself to find out what it really is, before you make a hasty decision.

 

-Rita

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Good point here. OP, how often do you want to see your boyfriend, exactly?

 

Curious with this too. Was reading this thread and you know, my SO and I, we live an hour apart on the highway. And I originally saw him on weekends or he'd see me on the weekends. Basically the same as you, 1-2 days in a week (not right now, but the situation changed a bit). I wonder why that frustrates you. You mention you'd like to know where this is going so maybe the lack of a "partner" being physically there is unusual to you and doesn't clarify on the speed of where the relationship is going to? But your relationship is still kind of new. First time LDR? Can you elaborate on your relationship situation? Is this your first long distant (distant enough)?

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You are both in your early 20s - a big time for transition. The relationship is still new - only 5 months old. You aren't at the stage of getting 'serious' - as far as talking marriage, nor should you be. You are not at the point where you need to talk about one of you moving to start a life together. Being about an hour a way is like being in the same metro area. If you were in NYC, Boston, etc, you could actually only live 10 miles from eachother and it takes an hour to get there - so its all relative.

 

I think that maybe you need to transition from the idea of a "young" relationship of high school or college where you see eachother every day and hang out to a full adult relationship with busy lives and work. 1-2 times a week is all I used to see my boyfriend and we are older than you and live closer. We only used to see eachother on weekends, but that eventually changed, but not after just 5 months. Our work schedules just were opppsite, but as we got more serious/farther along one meets the other before work for a quick workout together or the other stops by when they are in the neighborhood once a week and has a quick lunch with them. So we see eachother very quickly - for like 45 minutes twice during the week plus weekends.

 

Anyway, i do NOT think you should breakup. I think that if you are lonely, call a female friend up and go to a movie or hang out, etc, instead

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