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Thread: Is what I'm doing (no contact) the right thing for getting over Unrequited Love?

  1. #1
    Westie

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    Is what I'm doing (no contact) the right thing for getting over Unrequited Love?

    About three years ago, I started to fall for my best friend. We were quite literally inseparable, we would tell each other anything and everything and do quite a lot of things together - might I add that we were close friends before I fell for her.

    About two years ago, I admitted to her how I felt. She excused herself, said how she always thought of me as a very good friend - and said how she would hate it if we weren't to be friends any longer. So, foolishly or not, continued the friendship. It kinda grew stronger, we started to rely on each other even more for emotional support - telling each other things no one else knew, that sort of malarkey.

    It was about a year ago though when things really took a nosedive in terms of my emotions. She had started to have feelings for this guy - and as expected, she would only talk to me about it - no one else, not even her closest female friends. Okay, perhaps I did give her the wrong message as I was interested in another lass at the time and I was asking her for advice and such, but she clearly knew that I had feelings for her still.

    This mutual-relationship-advice thing kept going on for months, to the point where on reflection she was saying things to try to evoke a reaction from me - lines such as "why does no one like me..." and "I'm going to be alone for ever" - whilst at the same time (and same conversation) admitting that she's "totally sorry for rejecting me".

    Anyway, six or so months ago she finally made it official with one of the guys she had been constantly going on about to me over texts/emails. So, I did what I think fitting and I said something along the lines of how "I couldn't lie to myself any more" and how that she is/was "constantly in my mind" and that I felt that, with everything the way it was, not right for me to be keeping in contact.

    She was distraught with this (and "sorry" that she never "felt anything that way" for me) - but she said that she "understood what I was going on about" and that she'd keep her end of the deal, staying out of contact until I'm ready.

    However, there she is, every couple of months, trying to talk to me like nothing has happened and I, well, I didn't reply as I didn't want to get back involved with her right now.

    So, was I right to start non-contact?

    And, was she a real friend to me (I know I probably wasn't at the end) or was she using me as someone to cry on, an emotional tampon perhaps.

  2. #2
    Ratman81
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    I am in the same situation as you long term freindship, indeed my very best firend and I was the one she confided most in and when after 6 years my feelings changed she said pretty much axactly what your one said to you and tied to keep me as a friend. I tried to go along with it thinking that as hard as it was once I finally got over it I would still have my friend. Turns out I can't do it and have gone no contact. I have only been NC for abouta month so far, my flatmate (her ex bf of most of those years of me knowing her, who is starngly not that pissed off with me) did pass on a message from her the other day though which I could do without and tonight I have avoided going to a party as she has come back tot he city I live in to go to it. Feeling pretty wretched. I totally understand where you are coming from and why it is so hard. When you see all the connections and she djust doesn't and nothing you ever do will change it how can you stay in there lives and be as you say an emotional tampon, someone they confide in while seeing other blokes. She was a real friend to you, she tried to treat you as she always has same as in my situation, the problem is its wishful thinking its because they care they don;t want to let us go, they are waiting for us to get better, its awkward for them, but its torture for us, you've done the right thing, you can;t heal if your constantly picking at the wound. Good luck to you, I'm not doing well at all and am dreading the next year.

  3. #3
    JA0371
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    You guys need to watch the movie Sex Drive. It's a little corny, but same basic premise..guy is in love with his best friend, she tells him all about her love life etc...anyway, it's a corny but cute movie.

  4. #4
    markfromark
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    you should have to told her the very first time when she mentioned she is falling for a guy that you don't ever want to hear about it because of your feelings. Now you have been an emotional toilet for her and there is no going back. Wish her luck and go NC and explain to her why you are going NC. If she ever had lingering romantic feelings for you those were gone the minute you started to listen about the other man.

  5. #5
    markfromark
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    I actually meant 'emotional tampon"




    Emotional Tampon
    n: A role taken on by the man in a 'just friends' male/female relationship. An emotional tampon is a man who will always be there to provide a woman with the proverbial 'shoulder to cry on' or some other outlet for her to otherwise vent her emotional frustration, problems, and mental unbalance. Ultimately, he becomes the only person for whom this behavior is reserved as nobody else will tolerate it but him.

    This Herculean effort is too often never rewarded in any substantial or tangible way (at least not in a way that the man would typically hope for, which is a good skronking session, or at least a BJ), and is typically the only contact between the two parties.

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