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Thread: How long until you become a "couple"?

  1. #1
    Natasha24
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    How long until you become a "couple"?

    (This is my first "dating relationship" since my 7 year LTR, sorry if this is a stupid question!)

    How long should you be dating someone before you become a couple/boyfriend/girlfriend?

    I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months, 5 or 6 big dates/sleepovers (once every two weeks), we get along great in almost every way. He said he likes to take things slow before making it official, which is fine by me. He always talks about how we would make a great couple, he could see us being together for a long time, etc etc. I've made it clear that I want to be official with him, so it's not like he fears rejection at this point.

    I'm just wondering what is the norm here? I know people will say it's different for each person, but I want to know at what point I'm being strung along.

  2. #2
    pinkelephant
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    Honestly, after like a month, if a guy doesn't at least bring up exclusivity, I'd back off. And if I had a sleep over, the gf speech should come within a week or two. I've never had anything different. I'd def be thrown off... BUT everyone is different. If he's into you and you know it, don't sweat a couple of words.

  3. #3
    RedDress
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    Well... these days, there seems to be a difference between exclusivity and being a couple.

    Personally? I always ask for exclusivity before any sleepovers. I don't want my guy having sex with multiple people while I am having sex with him. I just don't think it's healthy... Unfortunately, if you don't specify that you want to be exclusive, you are more than likely not and there is a high probability that he is sleeping with others. And then... why should he make it exclusive?

    Following the exclusivity and sex, there is less urgency to make it to "couple"-dom. If he wants to take 3 or even 6 months to introduce me to people and start having bf/gf expectations, I am a-ok with that.

    I guess... what are you hoping to achieve with that label? What does that label mean to you?

    If he currently, technically sleep with other people and he's not making moves to tie it down? You are in strange territory for me... I've tried it (once)... and it didn't work. It ended up being a FWB relationship.

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    diamond78
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    For me, it can be anywhere from 2-4 months. Anything after 4 months would make me think the guy isn't really serious about me and still keeping his options open.

    I've never let a dating situation linger that long though.

  5. #5
    Hoagy
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    I would say 2 months is long enough to know whether you want to give it a shot and be a couple or move on with other people.

  6. #6
    Natasha24
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    Just to be clear, we do sexual things but we're not having sex. I told him we won't have sex until we're "official". I know it's a pretty thin line since we're already doing other things, but oh well.

    We agreed not to fool around with other people (but I know he could be).

  7. #7
    Batya33
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    My general sense was about two months (or less). My husband and I were official right away since we got back together - the first time around that we dated it was less than 2 months, probably closer to a month. But we waited 5 months before the "real" sleepover

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    RedDress
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natasha24 [Register to see the link]
    Just to be clear, we do sexual things but we're not having sex. I told him we won't have sex until we're "official". I know it's a pretty thin line since we're already doing other things, but oh well.

    We agreed not to fool around with other people (but I know he could be).
    Oh ok. Well... at one point you/he are going to want to "break the seal". LOL!

    I think this situation is going to take care of itself as the desire for sex becomes unbearable...

    I wouldn't sweat it too much... one of you will break soon and it will become clear if he's still trying to decide or just dilly-dallying...

  9. 06-03-2012, 07:12 PM

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    Miss Firecracker
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    For me, exclusive before sleeping together. Definitely!

  11. #10
    -Sanguine-
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    For me, it's always been within at least a month. I think for most people that's very soon, but it has always felt right for me. With my ex, it was 4 weeks, , and with my current boyfriend, we waited two weeks to become official. I guess for me it is the fact that I would never date more than one person at once so I don't see what the point in waiting is. With all the men who I've been exclusive with I have always felt a very strong connection and knew it could be a great relationship and they've felt the same. I don't like the whole "what are we" way of thinking and I don't see the harm in putting a label on it so you're not questioning it. I always wonder why people do all the actions of being in a relationship but don't call the other person their boyfriend or girlfriend. It boggles my mind. Plus, I would not sleep with someone unless we are in an exclusive relationship.

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