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Thread: I feel like I'm not a priority in my girlfriend's life

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by CelticMetal
    I didn't say anything for a long time because I thought things would get better as the relationship got more serious. But it made me more disappointed when it didn't change. Now that I've talked to her it seems like she's starting to make compromises so that we can both be happy. Good luck to you.
    CelticMetal, so what's the latest with your girlfriend? Were the two of you able to compromise. If so, is she able to follow through? Or do you find the same patterns emerging? I'm curious because I am in the exact same kind of relationship with a woman where I feel like i'm low priority, and your girlfriend sounds very much like mine: career-minded, overbusy, and a people-pleaser. Whenever I try to bring up how I'm feeling, my girlfriend will even get defensive and say I'm trying to "control" her. I could say more. I just wanted to know if you're still around because I wanted to speak with someone going through the same thing. I would feel much better if you spoke with me, and it would give me the strength to break it off if I have to.

    Thanks.

  2. #12
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    Hi Augustine, things are going really well now. Like I said above, I talked to my girlfriend about how we need to take each other into consideration when making plans and not just see if there's time left over for us to get together. She is now trying to plan things together ahead of time with specific dates if necessary so that they don't get pushed out of the way. I couple of weeks ago when she was home between summer jobs we had plans to go to an amusement park but one of her friends invited her to a birthday party the same night. Normally she would just tell me that there was a change of plans and we could get together another day even though I had booked the day off work. But this time she called me as soon as she found out to ask if I minded if we went to the party and went to the park the day before. I didn't end up going to the party because it was a dance and I would have been bored. She would have rather stayed home with me but it was her best friend's party who she hadn't seen for a couple months so told her that she should go. Your situation sounds like the same thing that I was going through. I had tried to talk to my girlfriend about how I felt before but she would take it the wrong way and then there was know way to get my point accross because she had already got defensive and wouldn't try to understand my point of view. I think how I finally was able to communicate what I was thinking was the way that I phrased things. I sent her a text that I needed to talk to her and when I talked to her on the phone I told her how I wanted things to be in the relationship instead of what I didn't like about what she was doing. Then she didn't feel like I was angry with her or her friends and didn't get defensive about it.

    I would suggest writing down all the points you want to talk to her about. When I talked to my girlfriend before I would get stressed and forget about things I wanted to say and not end up getting my point accross. And mention the positive aspects (i.e. wanting to please everyone can be good in moderation). I know it's easier to give advice than to do something yourself but hopefully this helps somewhat. Let me know how things go or send another message/ PM me if you want to talk about it.

  3. #13
    I'm in a somewhat similar position. I live in South America and have got a long distance thing going on with a girl that I met in my country and she's from another country. I love her, but she really doesn't make much effort to communicate with me. I have to do all of the calling. And when I do call, she's usually having side conversations with all of her friends or whoever else is around. When I confronted her about how this didn't make me feel good, her reaction was to say "I'm sad so I'm going to bed." Today I called to try to smooth things over and she basically gave me the silent treatment. I'm supposed to visit her in 8 days in her country. (This will be my 2nd visit there in 2 months, as I also am the only one who goes to visit the other.) I've known her since June, but I'm seriously thinking of just ending this thing now and cancelling the trip there in 8 days. Any advice?

    Steve

  4. #14
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    I don't remember there being a problem with my girlfriend contacting me via texting etc. It was more that she thought that the amount of time we were physically together was enough or that hanging out with her and her friends was equivalent. She got kind of defensive when I tried to talk about it to her initially too. Maybe it's that you're too available so she doesn't feel like she needs to call you. If you keep yourself busy with other things she'll have to make time to talk to you. Maybe the next time she's talking to her friends when she's on the phone with you, you should ask her to call you back when she's not busy. How are things between you two otherwise? It doesn't sound like she's taking the relationship that seriously.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by unanimous123
    I'm with you on this man, and totally understand what you go through. I'm thinking there's some of sort of imbalance going on in the relationship, otherwise, why would we feel starved for their time while they completely think they spent enough quality time with us? **sigh**
    I'm very late on this, but am experiencing the same thing. All of the responses are helping and I just felt you guys should know, you aren't alone.

  7. #16
    I have this problem too i told my gf i dont care if shes out all day just make sure you lay your head next to meat night that even seems to be a problem for her we agreed that she will be a house wife now its a problem she said when she starts school itll be different we are muslim and ramadan starts tomorrow and we suppose to be by each other side to bring it in but she rathefamily with so called family and when i speak my mind im over reaching in her eyes everything is about what they think of her not what i think im tired of having my pillow in the bed to hold it should be her she says she dont like to stay in the house but we go out almost everyday and when she leaves me she goes to her so called family house and do the same stuff she would do here what can i do to get this woman to see this is pushing me away

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