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Thread: Four months of Joy, then just cut off!!

  1. #1
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    Four months of Joy, then just cut off!!

    Hi Everyone, Thanks to anyone who offers advice or replies to this post as I know there are lots on here.

    I will keep it short, I will give more details on request.

    I met B in January, we hit it off - she's stunning and lovely etc...

    She had broken up from a messy relationship with a complete ass 3 months before we met, but still had feelings for him.
    It was her that dumped him, because she couldn't deal with his behaviour.....but she still had feelings.

    After a month, he started pestering her and trying to convince her to come back to him. This messed her feeling up a lot and she broke up with me because she said it wasn't fair on me. I left peacefully and didn't make a bad thing of it....I was very understanding.

    A few days later she had spoken to him on the phone and he said something which reminded her of how idiotic he is and it made her realise she'd made a massive mistake by breaking up with me. So we spoke again and got back together.....this was awesome.

    We never argued or did bad things to each other, we had frequent good sex and she seemed very happy.

    A couple of months later (four months in) she just suddenly told me that we had to break up because she just "didn't feel that way" about me and wasn't sure if she ever did. She said she'd never been treated nice before, and wasn't used to it. She explained that it was just an "easy life" which she got caught up in.

    What she thought was a "guard" to stop her getting hurt again, was actually lack of "the spark" for her.

    So we've broken up a week, we've sent the occasional SMS to each other just asking how we are and stuff.

    I never let her know how upset I really was, I kept the breakup friendly and didn't behave in any horrible way.
    Do you think this girl will realise her mistake again? or am I just "too nice" for a girl who's always had "bad boys" in the past?

    I've never hounded her, tried to reason with her or try to "win her back". I just walked away and kept lines of communication open.

    I did a lot for this girl and wore my heart on my sleeve, I fear this is my downfall with women in general.

    Advice is much appreciated, what should I do? Obviously I want to be with her.

    (p.s. there was no warning to this breakup and nobody else is involved, she said I could still come and see her anytime and be friends with her, but I won't do that. It was so sudden, that 3 days before hand she was looking for places for us to rent together!)

  2. #2
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    i would let it be. maybe if down the road she pursues you, u can go from there, but as it stands she probably still has feelings for her ex.

    my fiance had only been with bad dudes and im a nice guy. were engaged and have a kid

    i had a similar situation before i met my fiance. girl at work had been with a crappy guy and she started flirting with me after she was told by co workers i was a nice guy. i took her on a couple dates all seemed well then she just stopped talking to me. didnt answer texts and had switche shifts at work so i never seen her.

    still to this day i dont know why or what happened. i just let it go apparently she wasnt the one for me. shortly after i met my fiance

  3. #3
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    I hate to say it, but you need to let this go.

    There were major red flags you really should have seen right from the get go. It's rebound city 101.

  4. #4
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    [QUOTE=cruzer;5316603]i would let it be. maybe if down the road she pursues you, u can go from there, but as it stands she probably still has feelings for her ex.

    my fiance had only been with bad dudes and im a nice guy. were engaged and have a kid

    i had a similar situation before i met my fiance. girl at work had been with a crappy guy and she started flirting with me after she was told by co workers i was a nice guy. i took her on a couple dates all seemed well then she just stopped talking to me. didnt answer texts and had switche shifts at work so i never seen her.

    still to this day i dont know why or what happened. i just let it go apparently she wasnt the one for me. shortly after i met my fiance

    That's very re-assuring, thanks

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I think it is her loss. It sounds like you were a great bf and she is the one with the issues. I'm sorry. I hope you find someone worthy of you.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member mahipahl's Avatar
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    She seems preoccupied with other things in her life that she deems more important than a relationship with you. It reads like you are a rebound an her actions scream that you are not that important to her (she has dumped you twice already). You seem to be handling things in a way that keeps your self respect and dignity intact. I don't believe there is a future here from what you wrote and it's time you just disappear from her life and move on. Good Luck

  8. #7
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    Ok, here's a positive update.

    I went on a holiday that we were supposed to go on. But I took friends instead, because obviously we've broken up.

    She contacted me whilst I was away....small talk. I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink when we got back, she said "ok, but just as mates"

    I went to see her today after getting back and we spoke and had a laugh. When I got home later, I phoned her up and said
    "I can't be friends with you because I couldn't see you around someone else as a lover. So i'd like to see how things go with you, take it slow. No rushing in like before, no routine like before, I'm gonna make time for my friends instead of dedicating all my time to you and do everything I like doing. It's either that, or we have to part ways"

    She replied, "Ok, we'll do that, but I don't want any pressure at the moment, I can't take it with everything going on" (He entire ground floor and car flooded in the recent UK floods).

    So I said, "nope, no pressure, that's the opposite of what I want"

    So it was left there, then we chatted in general for a while longer and I said i'd see her soon.
    This could be a dead horse, but I'm going to behave differently to every failed relationship I've had, that is to be nice, without being the "mr nice guy".

    I have to develop my views on how a relationship works alongside the rest of your life or I think it will flop. Will update on any changes.

    Any thoughts? Opinions? Advice?

  9. #8
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    I have kind of a similar situation, only with no one else involved. Got along great, great sex, but suddenly something was missing. I've reacted pretty much the same as you, he keeps emailing and saying hi, which is weird, cause I threw the I can't be friends thing to him, so he knows. I dunno man, just hang in there, let her come to you and go from there.

  10. #9
    Member OkayThen's Avatar
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    Sounds almost identical to my situation except for a few things. Hope you get this and let us know what happened?

  11. #10
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    7.5 years on, just an update to let anybody who's interested know....

    Dumped this girl about 7.5 years ago because she couldn't commit.
    Realised that the whole time, she was the problem - not me..... seeee ya!

    Anyway, few years later, met my now wife (when I wasn't looking)!
    We've been together 6 years, 1st child on the way. Never been happier.

    No silly games, no second guessing. Just a natural, easy-going relationship.
    So my final advice would be....

    "A relationship is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably a turd "

    Don't muck around playing games and letter another person toy with your feelings, you'll meet the right person at the right time.
    When you stop looking for the wrong person, that is.
    Last edited by incomingfire; 02-08-2020 at 02:01 PM.

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