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Is this a good reason to commit suicide?


AMWHOIAM

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Should someone such as myself who is 30 years old, is a loser virgin, and who has NEVER had a girlfriend consider committing suicide? Let's face it, NO WOMAN is going to want some loser such as myself who is a 30 year old virgin. With that being said, I would like to say that I HAVE NOT remained a virgin by choice, but have lived in military towns my entire life which don't have much "selection" in terms of available single women. I feel like a complete FREAK at this point in my life. After I got out of the military, I had a manufacturing job and was subsequently laid off. I then began my undergraduate education and am now only a couple of semesters away from graduating. I've tried everything guys. I've tried online dating in Colorado Springs and have also tried talking to women on my college campus and none of them want anything to do with me as they ALWAYS tell me about their boyfriend when I try to talk to them. Anyway, I'm not going to kill myself anytime in the immediate future, but it is something that I have nonetheless contemplated as I am a complete failure when it comes to women. One last thing, it REALLY bothers me that I didn't get to lose my virginity to another virgin while in high school like alot of guys get to do. If I do ever have sex with someone then it will certainly be to a non-virgin which makes me hate myself even more.

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I would give you a rather different advice..which i probably will not give to someone else...but i have seen your previous threads....as well and you are not able to come out of this ....loser virgin syndrome of yours...........

 

Have sex with a sex worker........Seriously.....Lose your virginity...by paying for sex.......and once you lose it ...may be you get out of this rut..........

 

I know advices.....have not helped you.......for whatever reasons....may be your faults.......but i think this is the only solution now...

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Um, I would LOVE to date a guy who is a virgin. Some of my female friends talk about how we wish we could date a guy who is a virgin. It makes this so much better as far as not worrying about how many females you slept with and how many exes you have and who they are and all that crap that we girls do when insecure. Also, I think it'd be great to have sex with a virgin.

 

You are really making a big deal for no reason. Also, I have friends who are nearly in their thirties who are female AND male who have not had sex let alone a boyfriend. I have a few friends like that. You are not alone, trust me. You just think you are. Don't stress so much about being a virgin and just be confident. Don't worry about meeting someone who clicks with you and who you feel butterflies with. You know, a companion to be with.

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hey darling ...

 

let me put you straight on one thing ...

 

it is only in the Waltons and Little house on the Prairie that two virgins meet ...

 

I would say 8 out of 10 virgins lose it to a none virgin ..

 

you have to help yourself by at least not "making" up what you think to be true.

 

I think your a lovely fella , especially after you wrote to me to apolgise for how us brits got treated that

time on here by the american girl ... I have a lot of respect for you for that ..so I hope you can wade through this

and switch your thoughts .

 

this is a huge problem ..you really need to talk to someone and show them your threads , your thoughts , how you view this world and your virginity.

 

nothing anyone says on here helps darling ...Imagine everyone is running out of ideas because this is from within.

 

 

taking your life for the sake of virginity ...It's not right fella ..it aint a big a deal as your making out ..really ..

 

 

I have said a few times on your threads ..after the drama and heartbreak some of us have had , a virgin would be

a pleasant surprise ....no baggage ..clean start etc etc ..

 

you have got to get some help with this ..

 

I really hope your ok x

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I would give you a rather different advice..which i probably will not give to someone else...but i have seen your previous threads....as well and you are not able to come out of this ....loser virgin syndrome of yours...........

 

Have sex with a sex worker........Seriously.....Lose your virginity...by paying for sex.......and once you lose it ...may be you get out of this rut..........

 

I know advices.....have not helped you.......for whatever reasons....may be your faults.......but i think this is the only solution now...

 

 

 

You know what rahul this is the last advice I would encourage , but even I am thinking along the same lines now

 

 

I wonder if this will help ..or make him feel more worthless...

 

but yeah ..I thought the same my pond loving friend

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OP, you need professional help.

 

After reading your last threads, it's obvious that you're hell-bent in self-pity. If your self-pity is so bad that you're thinking about suicide, you need to branch out where you are, and talk to a REAL person, face-to-face, about what's bothering you. After hearing people give you the same advice here, over and over, none of it sinks in for you. You still think you're unworthy because of your lack of experience.

 

 

Your problem is not your lack of experience. I think your problem is the accumulation of EVERYTHING ELSE in your life, and this is just one of the symptoms of how much you need help. I sincerely hope that you got the counsel you need.

 

-Rita

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No. Not a good reason at all. It sucks that it hasn't happened for you, but your entire life shouldn't boil down to just sex. Life is too big and there is too much else in your world for it to be over for lack of sex. And just because you hate the idea being a virgin and having sex for the first time with an experienced partner, it does not follow at ALL that they will think the same way.

 

Guys (and I am sorry to generalize) tend to attach their confidence to their performance during sex. And if they can't perform perfectly, they get horribly embarrassed. For women (again, generalizing, sorry), a man's "performance" tends to matter far less, since we are more familiar with the difficulties in achieving orgasm (which really isn't the be-all-end-all of sex anyway and not always necessary, but definitely a nice way to finish). So, as big as you being a virgin is inside your mind, try to remember that for your partner it might not be such a big deal. It will be a big deal, however, if you MAKE it a big deal.

 

I am going to make a presumption. I have never met you so I cannot say this on any kind of authority, so please feel free to contradict me. But, from what I read of you, I think that the impression I would have of you in person would be of desperation. When people are desperate they are in survival mode, and this makes them behave as if they are in a life-or-death situation and most people are going to try and avoid getting wrapped up in it. And when you are in survival mode, when you think you need something so badly that you might actually die for lack of it, you are not thinking straight. Your higher brain functions that facilitate your ability to develop meaningful relationships, feel secure, safe, and be an individual and have rational thought, are all gone.

 

Being a virgin does not make you a freak. It never has. What you've made of it, the mountain it has become, has turned you into something other than your actual self, I think. Take the label of virgin and throw it out. Don't let it define you. Being someone who has had sex isn't a state of being, it's just an action. Having sex does not alter your worth as a human being. Your worth is not quantified by the number of times you've slept with someone. You need to come to terms with this, I think, before things can change. It starts within you. Stop beating yourself up for this.

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darling your mum and sister know right ?

 

do they know the full extent of the problem ..can you show them this forum , let them get an idea of how

seriously this is affecting you ..

 

would they help you with this ...help you get someone to talk to

 

Hello shooting star. I have talked to my sis about the virginity thing, but I have been too embarrassed to talk to my mother about it because, well, she's my mother and I would find that rather awkward to discuss to my mother. Anyway, my sis thinks that I have a problem with intimacy as I have talked to her about this before and have asked her opinion regarding my problem. Also, I have tried going to the local pubs/bars downtown in Colorado Springs, Colorado, but alas, no women seem to be interested in me so I haven't been able to experience intimacy with anyone here. However, I did talk to this one young lady that I met online who was from New York City, but she only wanted easy sex and I want to have sex with someone who has feelings for me and who actually cares about me and (presumably) loves me. In short, I think that my UNDERLYING problem in all of this lies in my desire to want to conform to society's expectation of what is considered "normal". Since I am presumably "abnormal" being a virgin really bothers me. One last thing, is it REALLY true that MOST human beings lose their virginity to a non-virgin? If that is TRULY the case, then I am beating myself up for nothing. However, I do have the idea in my head that most people lose their virginity between the ages of 15-18 years of age to another non-virgin.

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and just so you know

 

It is seldom the fairy tale you think it is ..

 

 

I lost mine in a caravan on the east yorkshire coast , with planet of the apes on in the background on the portable tv , it lasted about 2 minutes and he shot his crap all over my new t shirt

 

 

 

LOL, Star. Planet of the Apes? Que romantico!

 

OP, two guys lost their virginity to me in their late 20s. And one was the BEST sex partner I had, by far. He was so open-minded and adventurous, it was a great sex life(and a good, solid relationship, too, despite the fact that he had essentially no relationship experience, just a few 1st dates).

 

It's not what it appears to be out there, it really isn't.

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We told you already man. Being a virgin is NOT a big deal. IT IS NOT.

 

You need professional help. Because your mentality, self-pity, I don't even know what else... is eating you up from the inside. You are your biggest enemy. You are killing yourself, your pride, your self-worth, by yourself. You are destroying yourself man. Go talk to a psychologist PLEASE for your own good.

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I think you should just do it with a professional. It's 1 phone call, fairly painless experience. It certainly will not solve all your problems, but at least you'll get over this virgin thing.

 

Then when you meet someone you will come accross more confidently.

 

That thing about your first time being someone else's first time doesn't make sense to me. My first time with someone was also their first time, and it was terrible quite frankly.

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OP's problem isn't sex. It's his insistence on describing himself as abnormal despite probably being fairly normal if he'd just let himself be. This is what's sabotaging everything, and what a good professional could help with.

 

Hiring a sex worker is way way off track -- transforming a minor symptom ("I'm abnormal cause I'm a virgin!!") into another just as bad symptom ("I'm abnormal because I slept with a prostitute!").

 

Man, you're not weird or different. You just need to get out of your own head and relax. And a good trained therapist can help you do that. Please find one and give it a shot.

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Please don't consider ending your life over this. There are so many good things in life that you just need to look on the bright side. I know that's hard, but I feel like optimism can cure some really serious issues.

 

I am going to be honest and I hope this doesn't sound harsh because I really do wish you well and have you best interests in mind, but even if you do meet a girl who likes you and wants to be with you, you might push her away with all this negative self talk. If there's one thing I find unattractive in a man - it's a bad attitude and self pity. You need to work on those two things before you can consider getting involved with someone.

 

I would try counselling. I did it and it was great - very helpful. Because clearly what you're doing isn't making you happy. Time to stop wallowing and do something about your life. I know that's hard to hear, but we're all just trying to help you.

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You already asked this question, and people keep telling you to stop being so negative and go take some action instead of crying so much. Go seek out a psychologist.

 

 

 

You said before..." I have totally lost faith in the female gender and have come to the conclusion that I do NOT need some woman to take care of me NOR do I want one anymore. A dog will work just fine for me, will always be there to greet me when I come home from work, and will not care that I am not at least six feet tall and do not look like Ken or Fabio. So, why do more men not see the light and realize that they do not need a woman?"

 

Sorry man, I am not trying to be a douche and hurt you. But you need help. We can't help you in the way that you need help. You need professional help. I can google the number of a psychologist in Colorado Springs for you. Or if you are shy, I can look one up in Denver for you.

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I lost my virginity at the age of 25 to my husband. He was not a virgin. Part of me wishes he had been because it was a new experience for me that I wanted us both to be able to share, but that doesn't really matter so much because there have been other firsts that we have shared together. There is nothing shameful in being 30 and a virgin. I am almost 30 and if I hadn't met my husband I would likely still be.

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. One last thing, is it REALLY true that MOST human beings lose their virginity to a non-virgin? If that is TRULY the case, then I am beating myself up for nothing.

 

Super true. Probably uncommon especially these days for 2 people to lose their virginity to each other...I'd prefer one of us to be experienced anyway!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I lost my virginity at age 19 to a non-virgin. He had originally lost his virginity to a non-virgin also. I admit that while I was a virgin I was depressed by that fact but looking back, having sex does NOT make your life better. Especially in your case! You say you want to lose it to someone special, someone that loves you, that's in a relationship with you. Buddy, you’re lookin’ to open up a can of worms.

 

And these critters are 8 feet long and have rows of razor sharp teeth and spew flesh dissolving acid out of their eyeballs!

 

You will find that your problems don’t go away, they just morph into new ones. When I was a teenager—even before then—NO ONE I was attracted to was EVER attracted to me. I’d get guys that did like me but I didn’t return the feelings and didn’t want to settle. I wanted to have sex. I thought about it all the time. All the fun I was missing out on. How abnormal it made me to not be having sex. When I talked to another girl about having sex and discovered she had, jealousy took me over.

 

I thought a new dimension would open up once I had sex. You know something? In a way it did…but not in a good way.

 

Then I had to endure my boyfriend comparing me sexually to ex-girlfriends. The disgust when I felt our union was disrespected when I discovered he looked at porn. When my period was late and I feared I was pregnant when I was not ready to have a child. When I found panties in his room that did not belong to me and wondered if I could possibly contract some sort of venereal disease from him. Because really, what in the hell are another woman’s undergarments doing in his god damn room?!!!!!!

 

Then sex became physically UNPLEASANT. My genitalia has been rubbed RAW to the point it BLEEDS. I have burned when I pissed, stung when I bathed, I have literally been in tears because of the unpleasantness. Hell, I found I prefer masturbating to the real thing. At least I know how to please ME and do not have to worry about breaking my own heart or trust.

 

You’re just ignorant. You know not of what you seek or speak of. I mean that in the most sincere and respectful way. You sound like a gem. A genuine sweet heart and judging from the fact you’re willing to end your life over this---you could easily be ravaged and destroyed by a careless and cold-hearted wench. You think you have problems now?!

 

I suggest you be highly selective in this experience. DO NOT grab the first broad you come in contact with out of desperation. How does the saying go? “Marry in haste, regret at leisure.”

 

I understand wanting to have sex arises out of a biological need to reproduce but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to what we are telling you. The deeper issue with you is your relationship with yourself. You must seek professional help. You must learn to love yourself, take care of yourself because you are all you’ll ever have.

 

Even if you do get in a relationship, it takes fortitude and internal strength to overcome problems that WILL inevitably arise. You are looking to outside sources to fill the void. This sense of incompleteness and lack that you’ve likely carted around with you your whole life. For starters, I suggest you listen to the reading of chapter 8 on Love and Relationships from the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Read up on this guy. Watch youtube videos. I have found them to be INCREDIBLY helpful.

 

Here’s the link:

 

 

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UMM.......SHUT THE HELL UP! You are an extremely successful man, which ladies love!!! & your still a virgin, so just tell people your saving yourself for marriage. & if your dying to lose your virginity, go to a bar & get ya a drunk chick! Girls love it when you buy them a drink

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I think it would be fun to have sex with a virgin! You can teach them what to do & they'd be so turned on by it. I like being able to turn a guy on so easily.

& dont worry, you'll find someone. Who knows, maybe the first woman you'll have sex with will even be "the one". & think about it this way, you have great morals & values trust me, you don't turn to having sex with hookers. I know some men who pay to have sex with disgusting hookers & in my opinion, I think it would be better to be a virgin & wait for a good girl instead of ramming ur penis into a dirty infested vagina. If you ask me, THOSE guys are losers not you. They are SO desperate for sex that they have to downgrade to paying hookers. You are not downgrading yourself, just remember that. Better to wait than be sorry.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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