Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 8 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 75

Thread: Married Man with a pregnant girlfriend

  1. #21
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    5,479
    Originally Posted by WhenWillILove
    I'm shocked that his wife didn't suspect his affair during the whole 8 years. Or she is in denial.
    Some married men are very good actors.

    Have you seen "Valentine's Day" when Jennifer Garner discovers that her boyfriend is a MARRIED MAN. LOL Funny thing is he's a doctor. He travels a lot supposedly. LOL

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    1,911
    Gender
    Female
    You may not want to hear this, but you really have to come clean with your wife! It may or may not destroy your marriage, but she deserves to know for a number of reasons:

    1. to be checked for STD's (you may not believe you have exposed her but - you never know whether your gf has been faithful to you either). And you should get checked as well.

    2. Out of respect to your wife. She and you made vows to be faithful, to treat each other with love and respect. If you plan to continue your relationship you must repair as best you can and move forward in your relationship.

    3. Believe it or not, out of respect to your gf. Now this is a little different in that your gf knew you were married and still chose to be in a relationship with you. She did not set boundaries with you and therefore did not elicit respectful behavior from you toward her. She has always been put on the back burner at your beck and call... sadly... And while she may have said she wanted a no strings attached relationship my bet is that she was emotionally attached more than she was willing to admit to herself. That part is her own responsibility. But yours was to cross the line of infidelity - NO ONE wins in this scenario! Neither woman wins, and you lose too.

    4. Your wife is going to find out anyway. It is better to control the atmosphere in which she finds out - best handled with a marriage counselor at hand.

    The most important reason she needs to be told is this: YOU OWE IT TO YOUR CHILD. Think about it - your child is going to grow up. He/she will need to know their father (you!). Your gf, even if you do not continue with your relationship, is forever bound to you as a parenting partner. It is supremely difficult to bring up a child as a single parent, especially with a small baby, and later an adolescent. Children need and deserve 2 loving parents in their lives! It is time to find that inner strength and courage to come clean - For the Sake of Your Child! Now is the time to stop thinking of your own wants and needs and begin to shape your life how you want your child to be.

    What kind of a person you decide to be is how your child will learn - and - do you want your child to see you as a coward or as a man who accepts the responsibility of the mistakes he made and moves forward into a more honest and respectful life.

    If your wife decides to leave you, you should respect her wishes. And if your gf also leaves you, respect her wishes as well.

    BUT - you must take an active role in the parenting of this new being coming into the world. Not just money, but time, thought, energy, and turning over a new leaf to become an honest and respectful man that your child will adore and respect in the coming years.

  3. 05-19-2012, 03:09 PM
    Reason
    Flaming

  4. 05-19-2012, 09:30 PM
    Reason
    Flaming

  5. 05-19-2012, 09:35 PM
    Reason
    Refers to deleted post.

  6. #23
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    8,499
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs
    It happened to John Edwards and Arnold Scwharzenegger.
    And they both got caught. Why not come clean now, so your wife has a chance for a few years of an honest life?

  7. #24
    Platinum Member PaintWithLight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,269
    <removed>

    I can never understand a cheating guy who thinks he has an "arrangement or understanding" which allows him to not use a condom. That is totally putting your life, your future in the hands of the woman that you are manipulating. Should she ever feel used, abandoned, or lied to by you, she merely has to get pregnant and you are in a world of hurt. Birth control means controling the situation. Use it or leave things to chance.
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 05-21-2012 at 10:07 PM. Reason: Removed reference to deleted post.

  8.  

  9. #25

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    4
    Thanks Everyone who contributed to this thread. These are things I already knew but perhaps the fact that most of you confirmed it has well not given me comfort about the type of person I am but the rough road ahead. Yes I am narcissistic, yes I am childish, yes I have asked for trust on one hand and not given on the other and yes I have made a bad decision that has gotten me in this situation. The realities I face now are ones I tried to sweep under the carpet all these years. I hope no one ever finds themselves in this position ever and I know most of you never will be, for you are better people than myself.

  10. #26
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    13,245
    You can choose at any moment to start living your life in a better way and to be a better person. It is not too late for that.

    Perhaps rather than focusing on wishing to dissuade your GF from having the baby, you should focus on how you're going to live the rest of your life. Do you want to be involved in the child's life? Do you want to do by this child and support them financially? Do right by your wife and start telling her the truth? I think if you start being honest all around there will be less psychological stress, but your life may greatly change if your wife is unwilling to forgive the cheating, so you do need to think about that and examine in therapy what might be the best way to try to untangle this mess.

    The baby and your GF might be better off without you in their lives if you never intend to leave your wife and your child becomes 'second best' to your 'real' family. Perhaps the GF needs a chance for a fresh start and to find a man who does want to be her partner and not just her married paramour.

    And your wife deserves your time and attention and you building that relationship rather than building relationships with other women, unless she is the rare woman who doesn't care if you fool around on the side. Only you know whether she's the type to accept this or not.

  11. #27
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    7,865
    Gender
    Male
    I know this is a little off topic but: Why don't cheaters wear a condom?


    Dude you are screwed unless your wife is a saint with a lot of forgiveness in her heart. Or she may have known all along and had some stud on the side all these years too.

    I know you have been selfish and haven't thought of anyone but yourself in all this but it is time to think of everyone else this affects and take as much burden off of them and place it on yourself.

    Personally I don't believe she had an abortion at 7 months. Babies are born premature at 7 months all the time.

    Lost

  12. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    5,609
    Gender
    Male
    I don't condone the OP's actions in the slightest, but I must say, I think there's a huge double standard going on when it comes to the abortion/pregnancy topic.

    Everyone's acting all shocked and appalled that the OP is frustrated with his girlfriend because she keeps changing her mind on the abortion thing, throwing down the "her body, her choice" card--and then saying he needs to man up to the consequences of this decision because it took both of them to get into this mess.

    It did take both of them to get into this mess. So you can't very well say his input doesn't nor shouldn't matter on one hand, but then say he needs to accept responsibility for being a part of it on the other.

  13. #29
    Platinum Member chickydoodle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    in between
    Posts
    1,089
    Its a mess. You gotta make choices you can live with. My ex of 12yrs found himself in a similiar mess- ( the other woman lied about contraception )
    1.You've got to tell your wife
    2. If mistress has this baby , believe me she will expect a lot of support from you, regardless of what she says now. She will hold you to ransom with this child for the rest of your life IMO.

    I am in the position of your wife at the moment. It will be unendurable for her and be prepared to lose her. You took that risk in continuing the affair.
    Regarding describing yourself with typical male traits...........I dont think so!
    Be prepared to lose a lot in this mess and try and do it selflessly and with nobility. Be prepared to lose everything!

  14. #30
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    33
    Posts
    7,735
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by camus154
    I don't condone the OP's actions in the slightest, but I must say, I think there's a huge double standard going on when it comes to the abortion/pregnancy topic.

    Everyone's acting all shocked and appalled that the OP is frustrated with his girlfriend because she keeps changing her mind on the abortion thing, throwing down the "her body, her choice" card--and then saying he needs to man up to the consequences of this decision because it took both of them to get into this mess.

    It did take both of them to get into this mess. So you can't very well say his input doesn't nor shouldn't matter on one hand, but then say he needs to accept responsibility for being a part of it on the other.
    That frustration for woman comes from how we have been treated historically. Either woman have to choice to do what THEY want with there own body or they don't. The OP's choice in this situation (i.e. if he wanted a say in having a baby) was when it was time to put a condom on.

    I don't understand why a man would be shocked or angry when his mistress changes her mind and chooses to keep the baby. Guess what? People change their minds all the time. To all guys: If you want a say in if you become a father put a rain coat on the snake before it goes in the cave.
    Last edited by Moontiger; 05-21-2012 at 06:40 PM.

Page 3 of 8 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •