Any dumpers that struggle/regret their decision after a long period of time?

I know some dumpers regret their decision and some don't. Mine clearly hasn't because he has not come back. If he wanted to come back badly enough, regardless of pride or any other issues, I think he would??

I know the general consensus is that it takes time for people to have a successful reconciliation, but 9 months is probably too long?

I just wondered out of interest, are there any dumpers that ended their long term relationships 6+ months ago that regret their/your decision? Or even if you did regret it, have you managed to rectify it with yourself because so much time has passed? I'm wondering because I know I'm still struggling st nine months and i know lots of other people here are too, but I wonder if any dumpers still struggle with their relationship breakdown after such a period of time or are they more at ease because it's their choice?

I suppose it can and does happen. Years ago I broke up with a girl, and did somwhat regret it later but it was too late. However in many cases the dumper will have already gone through a period of detatchment and the similar feelings a person gets when they are given the boot. So that by the time they finally tell the other half "its over" they have already gone through a number of the stages of the break up without the other person really knowing. i know its not like that in every case but the theme is similar I think.

Of course people do get back together but do they stay together ? And for recovery its best not to dwell or think on such lines. I know my ex didnt look back, and never will. She be gone. But then so am I. Balence the books, kick ass, and move forward!

Well, mine regretted it because after a years time she reached out and we reunited. But you can't really live with the hope that they'll do that because it will drive you crazy. I had moved on by that time and was content with my life as it was. Her coming back was just a bonus. I would have been fine if she hadn't.

POST BU 1yr+ since march 2011. 6 yrs + 1 kid together. I was her first bf. She was my 2nd long term gf. Still with the guy she got with about 4 months after we broke up. Saw them today when picking up my son. I wish her the best and happiness as im over her

i've had ex-boyfriends try to get back together years later. though by that time, i was pretty much over them and was able to see all the flaws in the relationship. they probably wanted to get back with me because they remembered how nice and accommodating i was. that's the thing- by the time that they come back (if at all) you are over them - not just because life moves on, but by then, you might realize what kind of a hell the relationship put you through and you're unwilling to go back there again.

My sister left her 2 year relationship for a guy she just met, he later dumped her a few weeks later. Her ex then took her back but she dumped him again two days after.

She went onto to get into the relationship she's in now a week later (different guy from the first). They've currently been together for 10 months and all they do is argue, they are terrible together and guess what my sister said 2 months ago?

I regret dumping him because I still have feelings for him. 8 months after she regretted it, she dumped him because she was bored and he wasn't the bad boy, he was a really nice man, he had his faults but he would never have left her.

She has tried talking to him but it doesn't get past Hey, she wishes she had never left him but is too guilty to tell him and never will so she sticks with a man that treats her horribly and cheats on her, he's not with anyone but it's clear he is over her.

She thought she had upgraded, took her 8 months to see she hadn't. Traded off a 2 year relationship for something that was fun in the beginning.

My ex came back after 2 years, and over the course of 6 months, admitted he was still in love with me and even invited me on a trip abroad.

Unfortunately, his feelings resurfaced way too late and he knows I don't feel that way about him anymore.

I was really surprised that he tried to invite me on his trip! I don't know what he was thinking.

I think some dumpers get hurt when you go NC and that's why they come back. I think that NC can make our exs very curious about what we've been up to! Who knows if the desire to reconcile is genuine or not.

It shocks me that some dumpers have the audacity to come back after that long....seriously...doesn't it sort of take a lot of 'balls' to just expect the person you left to still be pining for you? I think time must stand still for some people...that's all I can think.

You can look at it both ways , yes some people come back , often there are people there still waiting for them.

However , waiting for something that may not happen is a recipe for a wasted life.

I've dumped three girls:

1) My ex-wife. She was depressed continuously, she also had sexual issues after a rape she survived before she met me, and couldn't give me any kind of real warmth either physically or emotionally. We went to counseling for a year and a half, and while away on a holiday I cheated on her. I came back, immediately broke up with her. She was okay with it at first, then later begged me back when I started seeing someone new. A couple times I thought about getting back with her years later when I was feeling lonely, but immediately remembered how soulless the relationship was and dismissed the idea. Otherwise never looked back.

2) My ex-girlfriend of four years. Now *I* was depressed continuously because after two years it became an LDR for two years, with no end in sight. To allow us to each lead our own lives and find people nearby, I broke up with her. She cried, begged, asked me not to, that she could never forgive me, but I stayed firm. Five months later I came out of my depression and started to (A) realize the amazing girl I'd lost and (B) put together a plan that would allow me to be near her again, but it was too late -- she was moving on with a new guy. I spent half a year doing everything I could to apologize and get her back, but being still overseas and her with the new guy, I failed. I had a five-message convo with her the other day saying just that life is normal but frankly she's getting bored. If I ever had a chance at her again I'd marry her in a heartbeat.

3) My most recent ex was a liar and a cheater, and I dumped her before she could dump me. To be dead honest, while I wouldn't be against a good hatef%&*, I'm moving forward and otherwise she's dead to me.

So in short, no, yes, no. Every situation's different. Get rid of the false hope, figure out the *real* reasons for the breakup, and from there you can estimate the likelihood of ever fixing it. Good luck.

Thanks guys. I'm not waiting - I'm trying to plan my life without him and work through all my grief. I know he's not coming back- something I don't like, but I have to learn to live with.

It did however strike me that I rarely see dumpers on here still pining after a long period of time, even when they do regret their decision. Maybe it's easier to deal with having regrets if it's your dEcision as opposed to dealing with a situation you didn't choose.

i've sometimes regretted a decision to walk away from a guy, but not really enough to call him and ask for a second chance...

I have regretted breaking up with some guys, but I never went back to them more than a few days later (and those few turned me down! harumph). The ones I've regretted a long time later were guys who were nice but where our lives were going in completely different directions - sometimes you see/hear about them later and realize that if you met now, you'd actually be compatible. But I can't imagine asking for a second chance after that much time has passed so I let them be.

I was the dumper in my first LTR. About a few months later I had one of those "Oh ****" moments and realized I had actually been deeply in love with her. I frantically tried to get ahold of her and begged her to take me back. I was seriously ready to buy a wedding ring and everything. At that point she said, "too late, you hurt me too much". We're actually still friends, and neither of us have romantic feelings for each other.

I was the dumper in my first LTR. About a few months later I had one of those "Oh ****" moments and realized I had actually been deeply in love with her. I frantically tried to get ahold of her and begged her to take me back. I was seriously ready to buy a wedding ring and everything. At that point she said, "too late, you hurt me too much". We're actually still friends, and neither of us have romantic feelings for each other.

I wish. It won't ever happen for me

I wish. It won't ever happen for me

 

i know you might not believe this but most long term ex g/f or b/f do try and reach out at one point but normally by the time they do you have either healed and moved on from them and don't wanna know them anymore or they have cause you far to much damage.

 

hope your having a good weekend

Although I'm not sure who did the breaking up, I'd like to think it was me since I sent an official break up e-mail. Long story short, I'd been with my guy for 5 months, didn't know where he lived and his communication got pretty spotty towards the end. He tried to pull the slow fade by not contacting me on his last business trip so instead of confronting him a 3rd time about his lack of communication, I sent a well written and well thought out break up e-mail. I don't regret my decision because I want to get married and he showed me his true colors and that he wasn't the one, but it hurts like hell that he disappeared the way he did. Given all the red flags and instincts, I don't regret the decision, I just wish I had had some sort of closure.

I was the dumper in my second relationship.

First ex couldn't break up with me so I broke up with him.

Third ex couldn't break up with me but gave me a silent treatment for a week. LOL So I take it as being over but shows me his character anyway.

I believe first ex and third ex cheated. I have no proof but I sense it and their action in their eyes are similar. Woot, I developed a cheater-radar.

My second ex is probably who I take back. I regret it sometimes, because I reacted too quickly. But come to think of it, it's not what I tolerate. I like my private love life to be between me and him. Not the whole world. If I wanted the whole world to know, I post it on Twitter or FB.

I have regretted breaking up with some guys, but I never went back to them more than a few days later (and those few turned me down! harumph). The ones I've regretted a long time later were guys who were nice but where our lives were going in completely different directions - sometimes you see/hear about them later and realize that if you met now, you'd actually be compatible. But I can't imagine asking for a second chance after that much time has passed so I let them be.

I quoted this post in particular because it's exactly how I feel, or rather how I hope SHE'S feeling. My ex gf of 2 years left me for pretty much the same reason. While I was a nice guy to her, I wasnt what she was looking for, but we're both a bit confused as to what we ARE looking forward and as I grow personally and learn more about that, and she does too, through dating others or what have you, I do feel there could be a juncture where a relationship COULD work between us but that would depend on how she feels.

I know you dont seem too interested in asking for a second chance after so much time but if its really on your mind, Id pursue it. Then again, dont do what Id do, it usually doesnt end well. But in all honesty, if I felt that way, even after a couple years or more, Id reinitiate contact. At that point, Id have nothing to lose