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ping pong show.....on our honeymoon


Hanz33

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I'm going to Thailand on my honeymoon. 10 minutes out of Patong... I'm sure anybody who knows patong knows what its famous for.. Cheap prostitutes, sleazy corners and lady boys....*sigh*. Aside from that the rest of Thailand is a beautiful place and has beautiful resorts which do accommodate for plenty of honeymoon goers...but..

 

My fiance keeps bringing up how really wants to go into patong and see everything. Which I get and I do too.. but at the same time, its our honeymoon....why would we go look at lady boys and prostitutes (even just\ for curiosity) on our honeymoon.. I feel like its REALLY not the time to do it..

 

Also, one thing he said he really wants to do is go see "the ping pong show"..i'm sure you can all use your imagiantion on what that intales. Although I really don't want to see this especially on our honeymoon im sure curiosity will get the better of me IF it wasn't my honeymoon. I expressed this with my fiance saying simply when he mentioned it.. " i kinda feel weird about it becasue it is our honeymoon" he said "who cares" (as in we can do what we like its our honeymoon) which i get, but i think he completely missed the fact that I was saying that I care.

 

The supposedly most romantic time of our lives is going to be rudely twisted and leave a fowl taste in my mouth by seeing these things. It kinda broke my heart a bit that he wants to do these things on our honeymoon.. Am I being uptight and taking the honeymoon thing unrealistically?

 

Another thing was, I joked after I had said that, "if a ping pong hits my head I am going to be so disgusted that you can do what you like but I will not be staying there!" He joked back "ohh anything I want?" (keep in mind what patong is known for). It broke my heart a little bit more and felt like he was being a little insensitive to the fact that it is a bit of a concern to me and he knows it. Its not that I think he will cheat on me or anything, I don't believe he would but you never know until the circumstances arise, but the whole point is him just not having any regard for this being our honeymoon. Or do I have a fairy tale in my head? He would like to see (just see) the prostitutes and lady boys and ping pong show etc etc and I imagian romantic music, champaign, bubble baths lots of sex! and anything that can focuses our love for each other

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I don't consider myself to be a very uptight person but...yuck. Who wants to spend their honeymoon at some sleazy show? Thailand is a gorgeous country. Surely there's something else he wants to see? I'd be kind of skeeved out generally because prostitution in that area seems incredibly sketchy - is it coerced, consensual, are the girls of age....too many gray areas that would add to my feeling of uneasiness.

 

I'd basically just tell him I'm not interested, and if he wants to go to that show, he's going alone.

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Yeah this is way too ridiculous..I mean if one has to cheat, why would he take his girlfriend over there.. and if one is not a cheater then why would he spoil his honeymoon by doing these things overthere. It seems your boyfriend either does not get too many leaves or does not have enough money...and he thinks that honeymoon is the only chance of him getting there....He must have heard about these things and is very curious....but to me its foolish.

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Oh, I think you have a BIG problem here...

 

Is this guy really into porn (including weird porn) and how is your sex life? Does he push you to do things you don't want to do or pester you for sex like a dog humping your leg?

 

What really disturbs me about your post is that he seems to be showing absolutely no concern for your feelings or having this honeymoon be fun and special for YOU and is looking at is more as an opportunity to get his pervert on!

 

There are LOTS of objections to those ping pong shows even from a human rights perspective because many of the girls on those shows get injured seriously and it is degrading to all women (and humanity) in general to see so many young people sold into sex slavery as children doing these things for money and survival.

 

You may have a big problem with your husband if he goes for more perverted acts and you see sex as something that should happen between loving individuals and where he should be considering your feelings and not just acting out every bit of weird porn he's ever seen in his life. The way he talks to you and his choice of honeymoon locale makes me think that in a few years, he will be asking you to lay down and spread it rather than having any romance or tenderness in your life.

 

I would point blank REFUSE to go to Thailand on your honeymoon, and have a long talk about how important romance and caring is, as well as the importance of fidelity and that you can and WILL divorce if he strays from marriage (unless you do agree with the idea of open marriage and allowing him sexual license or like doing the more perverted things in your sex life).

 

He is WAY off the mark if he thinks your honeymoon should be about a trip thru sexual perversion land... i think you might have a very wide gap in value systems of what is fun and important when it comes to sex, and perhaps you should even consider NOT marrying this guy because this might be a HUGE warning of what is to come in your life, with him totally ignoring your wishes and being crass about it, based on the evidence that he is not caring whether your honeymoon is fun or special for you and just sees it as an opportunity to get his freak on. For all you know, when you arrive, he may say since you're there, why not have a threesome with and buy a Thai girl since it is legal there?

 

I mean, you're not even married yet and he's already 'bored' with normal sex with you, even in the context of a romantic honeymoon! I think you need a LONG talk with him and to set him straight about how outrageous and unpleasant you think that whole business is, and if he won't come around and agree to a NORMAL honeymoon and understand that you WILL leave him if he does even think about expecting this kind of thing from you in future, then I think you might seriously consider not marrying him because he is showing signs of being not only very inconsiderate and disrespectful of your feelings, but also of having perversion tendencies which he might not be able to control once you do marry and he might start seeing hookers down the line when he gets bored.

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btw, this kind of thing is not a joking matter... you KNOW how you feel about it, so please don't try to convince yourself to pretend it is OK and tiptoe around it with him when it really grosses you out... they not only do ping pongs, but put all kinds of gross and dangerous things into themselves and do ask men from the audience to participate and he could be the one who eagerly rushes up to join the show.

 

Actually, i am sitting here feeling quite sad for you, because i think many young girls who want to get married and have a family WILL put aside all their concerns and better judgment thinking marriage will 'fix' men who are disrespectful of them and their feelings and into various perversions will change and stop that once they marry. They won't, and it gets worse as time goes on and these kinds of men start to get bored with the marriage. I would set him straight about what your feelings and expectations and values are BEFORE you get married, and if he is disrespectful of that or ignores you or tries to bully or guilt you into it, then don't marry him. It's better to stop this before it gets worse and kids get involved and an ugly divorce ensues because he is chasing other women or hookers in his quest for excitement.

 

I personally would find it degrading to be forced to go from the high of an emotional wedding pledging to honor and love another for life, to a couple days later sitting in a sex show while teenage sex slaves pick up ping pong balls and razor blades with their vaginas! If he thinks that is OK or fun, i think you have a big problem you need to address with him!

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I ditto Lavenderdove's posts. I was actually quite horrified reading that your fiance wants to go to these kinds of places. These "ping pong" shows are just downright degrading and dangerous for women. Is this what your boyfriend really thinks of women? A honeymoon is supposed to be the time when the couple is all lovey dovey with each other..not the time to get acquainted with the sex "tourism" of Thailand. The fact that he is so unconcerned about your feelings is pretty disturbing. I have to wonder what the rest of your relationship is like because this aspect of him is pretty disturbing.

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Maybe don't go to Thailand if you absolutely do not want to do these things on your honeymoon? Honestly the lady boys/prossies/ping pong shows are kind of unavoidable there. I'd be wary tbh. Even if you got what you wanted (fiancé agrees to not going to the ping pong shows etc) then you will still encounter these things even if you aren't looking over there and, well, I can't see things ending well.

 

Tl;dr: Don't go to Thailand. It won't be a romantic fantasy IMO.

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I agree that everything that he says he wants to do on your trip is distasteful.

 

With that said, my advice would be: Stop joking with him about it, and stop sending mixed messages. Be assertive and don't be afriad to tell him you think it is distasteful and gross and disrespectful and you absolutely DO NOT want to go.

My fiance keeps bringing up how really wants to go into patong and see everything. Which I get and I do too..

I joked after I had said that, "if a ping pong hits my head I am going to be so disgusted that you can do what you like but I will not be staying there!"

 

^Those are mixed messages. You need to let him know, without a doubt, that you hate the idea and that you do not want to go, or to see it under any circumstances.

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The fact that you didnt kill him with just your look when he first suggested it, baffles me!

If I told this story to my BF, he would not believe there are so tolerant woman out there!

 

It's your honeymoon and in case you don't feel okay going to those places (which is completely understandable), say so!

Tell him to stop joking and start planning the MOST ROMANTIC HOLIDAY you will ever have instead!

 

I mean.. unless you are in some open marriage, I really dont understand why on your honeymoon you two would go and look some prostitute vaginas???!!!!

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Ok. I'm going to be in the minority. You got a highly emotional response there, IMO.

 

My impression from the OP is not that the husband wants to visit prostitutes but rather that he wants to walk through the city of Patong - just because it's close by and because it is notorious (unfortunately for bad things). I haven't been to Thailand but I've been to Holland and yes, we walked through the red light district. Not to partake of their services but to see first hand what it is. I don't think this is different.

 

For the show... (I don't know what that is but I'm guessing)... similarly, in Holland, we went to a live sex show. One lady stood on stage and smoked a cigar out of her hooha. I presume this is the same concept.

 

I dunno. Do you really think your honeymoon is going to be romantic 24/7? Yeah. I think that's unrealistic. Forget Thailand for a second... if you went elsewhere, yes, I would think you would want to see the city, go to a restaurant or two, see a few shows.

 

Personally, for me, the compromise would be to walk through the city (not partake in their services) and not see a show.

 

I don't think (if the ask is what I described and not to partake) that your husband is perverse and controlling and unloving. I think he's merely curious what all the fuss is about.

 

But... that's just me...

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I've never been to a ping pong show but I do know people who have. From the stories I've heard they are pretty horrific and would be a major turn off!

Maybe you should let him know that ping pong shows and go-go bars will result in one very freaked out wife and no honeymoon action.

Seriously it freaks me out just thinking about it.

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No, honeymoons are not going to be romantic 24/7..but there is no place for visiting the sex industry just because Thailand is known for that. Columbia is known for being a haven for drug trafficking but does anybody go to the "in places" for that simply to see what all the fuss is about? The sex industry is the seedy side of Thailand. I doubt very much if major tour companies like Globus, Trafalger and Cosmos include that on their itinerary as "must sees" or recommended optional excursions.

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I know you can't 100% believe everything on Wikipedia, but show your husband these statements:

 

 

Women and girls who perform in the ping pong shows have, in some cases, been seriously and irreparably injured.[1]

 

Performers in ping pong shows are often trafficked from countries such as Myanmar, Cambodia and Laos.[1] Human rights organizations (such as Not For Sale Campaign) denounce ping pong shows as inherently misogynistic.... Thai women who work in"ping pong shows" often worked in factories before being laid off during the economic downturn.

 

Most women working at ping pong shows are prostitutes.[1] Tourists who support ping pong shows and other forms of sex tourism in Thailand may inadvertently contribute to human trafficking and child prostitution

 

Even if the Wikipedia article is biased or misleading, we all have a general idea of sex tourism and what goes on in these countries sometimes. Sure maybe it's interesting, or he wants to walk through the area for the morbid curiosity aspect. But don't forget that long after you guys go for a stroll through the sex district or to a show and say "Wow, how weird/creepy/funny!..." these women are still stuck in those situations day after day being exploited. I don't doubt there are women in Thailand who voluntarily sell themselves or perform in such shows, but I would guess they are in the minority and most feel pressured either directly by people or economically.

 

I really don't mean to be a wet blanket, but any man who knows this and still wants to be near such things would be no husband of mine. I would speak to him about that side of things because it really is shady business and I can't imagine how on Earth something so degrading can be entertaining to anybody. I'm not usually one of those people who consider any sex act "degrading" but in this case...you have no idea if the woman chose to do it or was forced, you don't know what other activities your money is supporting, I'm assuming it's highly unregulated (age anyone??)...just don't go there.

 

Sure, no honeymoon will be romantic 24/7, but there's unromantic and then there's visiting exploited sex workers in developing countries...big difference in my mind.

 

That's my long spiel anyway!

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No, honeymoons are not going to be romantic 24/7..but there is no place for visiting the sex industry just because Thailand is known for that. Columbia is known for being a haven for drug trafficking but does anybody go to the "in places" for that simply to see what all the fuss is about?

 

No... because visiting a bar with drug dealers in Columbia will get you killed. Walking through this particular city in Thailand won't.

 

The sex industry is the seedy side of Thailand. I doubt very much if major tour companies like Globus, Trafalger and Cosmos include that on their itinerary as "must sees" or recommended optional excursions.

 

No doubt! But... personally, I've been to a lot of places that tour companies won't go. I'm not a fan of tour companies, personally. They give you the "Disneyland" version of a country. That's not really what I want to see when I travel. I want to see the REAL picture - the good, bad AND ugly. This way I can form informed opinions of the place on my own - not just based off what other people say. Obviously, this style of travel isn't for everyone.

 

In no way, shape or form am I saying that what's going on there is OK. Nor would I want to give them money. But to walk through? Me? I don't see anything wrong with that. Heck! Maybe it will kick-start you into becoming an activist. Or not. But me? I'd want to see for myself.

 

To each their own... but to say that she shouldn't go through with their marriage because he's a pervert for even suggesting it is WAAAAAY over the top, in my opinion. If you don't like it, don't go! Simple as that. Just tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not willing to go there. At the end of the day, I guess it is a compatibility issue in terms of travel ideas and such.

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I wouldn't have a big issue with someone wanting to just walk through the area to see for themselves...although I still don't get the appeal, seems kind of cruel in a "stopping and staring at a car crash" sort of way. But I wouldn't fight over it.

 

However wanting to actively give money to these people at a pong show (his idea) is too much and it could potentially contribute to the suffering of other people. I would be seriously put off by somebody suggesting that.

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WHat the heck? I didn't even know what a ping pong show was... googled it, and all I can think of is... WHY?? and on a honeymoon?? What the heck?? Some messed up stuff right there...

 

Before I was going to post here thinking it was about a table tennis tournament that he is interested in or something lol.... wow..

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kind of cruel in a "stopping and staring at a car crash" sort of way.

 

Exactly. It is idle curiosity and to be able to say to everyone back home "wow, I was there!" and then have everyone around the water cooler say in awe "wow, you were there! what was it like eeeewwww gross...but tell me more, I want to know it all". If the visit is not to partake in it, it is for the shock value of being able to yammer on to all the friends that they were there and saw it all. I doubt very much if this will turn into an advocacy and women's rights excursion.

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Look, most women (and men) want their honeymoon to be a nice, romantic, loving introduction into their marriage. She doesn't want that kind of show as part of her loving memories of what should be a special time for the BOTH of him, not just entertainment for him.

 

She needs to tell him how she feels, and tell the truth, and find somewhere else to go on the honeymoon because most likely he will pout if he doesn't get to take the grand tour. If he insists on this or disregards her feelings or they have very different ideas of what is OK when it comes to this kind of a thing, it could be a BIG problem later that she needs to address now before it turns into a bigger one than it is.

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My gut reaction -tell him to go see a ping pong show for the bachelor party and not to bother coming back. My second reaction - if this is a complete shock to you (i.e. if he doesn't frequent strip clubs, etc) then talk to him and see if he can see your point of view. If it is consistent with what he generally likes to do then ask him to compromise this one time and accept as you have in the past that this is what he likes to do.

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How old is he? I wouldn't see that if they paid me. If it is important to him, there is a basic incompatibility between you two. I really don't think he realizes how unhappy you are with it. You must discuss it with him and after that you are allowed to get upset and consider other options.

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Exactly. It is idle curiosity and to be able to say to everyone back home "wow, I was there!" and then have everyone around the water cooler say in awe "wow, you were there! what was it like eeeewwww gross...but tell me more, I want to know it all". If the visit is not to partake in it, it is for the shock value of being able to yammer on to all the friends that they were there and saw it all. I doubt very much if this will turn into an advocacy and women's rights excursion.

 

I don't think it has to be like that.

 

You've never just gone and walked by a homeless shelter, for example? It can be a centering moment. Understanding fully how the world works... seeing the misfortune of others often puts into perspective just how fortunate you are. Maybe it doesn't turn into an advocacy and women's rights excursion. But maybe it changes how they choose to make their next charitable donations. Or maybe they decide that they feel the hype is more than the reality. Who knows.

 

Why does it have to be about yammering to friends? Why can't it be about understanding the world? Or self-reflection? Or spirituality? Or... a number of things.

 

I dunno... personally? I don't do things just to tell people about them. I do them for my own knowledge and growth.

 

Anyways... we are never going to agree... so I'll stop posting now.

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