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Thread: !!!!!jDo his parents care at all about our relations hill!!!!!!

  1. #1
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    !!!!!jDo his parents care at all about our relations hill!!!!!!

    Just letting you know it may be a little long and I am sorry for that.....


    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I am 24 he is 29. We were apart for 1 year, before I moved to the same city and in with him. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment and lived and stayed in separate rooms. We decided to wait for marriage to get physical.

    Now here is the problem. He just got a new job out of state in Wisconsin. I on the other hand have to go back to school in order to get certified in the state so I can work. The problem is he is moving into a 1 bedroom apartment, because his father does not condone us living together anymore, which I understand. I told him if I could stay with him till I went to school and got my certificate I would be able to work full time. His father disapproves of that and has said no. Also, he has helped my boyfriend and is helping him move even though his own son is capable of doing it himself if he wanted to.

    Now I am having to move back home to Texas, just to please his father since I can't
    I've with his son and to go to work full time down in Texas. Which I know I could do, but if I do this I am thinking of going back to school and putting our relationship on hold again to please his father. I know people say I should break up with him and move on, but we both do want to be together and do the whole long distance again.

    We are suppose to be out by the 29th of May, but due to me having to work till the 28th. I would not be able to leave early for my family to come and help. I asked him to see if his father would allow me to stay at least 2-3 days with them to give my parents time to get up to the state of South Dakota. His dad said they do not have the room. Which they live in a 3 bedroom house with a basement. So they have the room. I know the problem would be not having my dog in the house. Which the animal could stay in the garage if she had to.

    I am also finding out that his father does not want him to think of me anymore and to focus on himself. Focus on doing what he needs for himself, and not think about me. Does this mean that his father does not care about me and never has. Cause all the things that get said are about how I have not done anything to help myself. Which moving up to be with him I got 2-3 jobs and worked for not much money, but was grateful for having a job. Yes, my boyfriend had to help with bills here and there, but we were doing okay. He also, has a credit card that his dad have him that I know he spent a lot of money on when he really should have not. So his father blames me for all the problems with his, son. Which if I am, I will admitt to it. Even though he unused that card almost every day for lunch which he spent about 250 in fast food a month.

    I feel like his father does not care at all what happens to me, even though his son loves me. It is like his son has shown his parents how much he cares, but they always have something to say about waiting for marriage. Either finally stable or it can wait. I hate to say, but my boyfriend is almost 30. He has stated he does not want to wait forever. He see's so many of his friends married and have kids. It gets to him that his dad is making him have to wait. It is almost like his dad does not care what his son wants. He has even said that after we get settle apart he was going to possibly propose. Cause he can't take what his dad is putting us through.

    I am just not sure anymore. I have been fighting for our relationship and so has he. Should we give up now and give in to his father or keep fighting it and go with what we want. Cause right now before this move we have been fighting a lot about everything and I know it is because of the stress of me moving back home and him away.

    So please help me...!!!

  2. #2
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    I can't really offer much help, but personally I think his father should but out. He's 29! To be honest if I was with a girl that was 29 and her monther/father was controlling them, I wouldn't even stay in the relationship, they clearly only want to make their parents happy even at their own expense.

    If you and him are on board with going against his father's words, sine you two can take care of yourselves - just do it. He may not be happy but you two will be and at this point that's pretty much all that matters.

  3. #3
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    I know... So far the move is happening.... i am going back to texas and he is going to Wisconsin.....

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I have skimmed your threads. Please correct me if I am missing something.

    The problem isn't the father... it's how your boyfriend handles his family and keeping his private business separate from them. I don't get why he feels SO depended on the impressions and opinions of his father when he lives on his own. One of his mistakes is accepting a credit card from daddy because it now gives daddy a sense of "entitlement" that he "owns" his son and can further dictate his and your lives.

    Since you both are adults, parents have no right to judge your relationship or force you to stay/separate from each other; it's none of their business. He is going to need to be more assertive when dealing with his father's judgements about his relationship with you. That is what it takes to be a man.

    In a nutshell...
    1. You need to finish school and a career This should be your first priority now so you can support yourself before living together.
    2. He needs to get settled in a job first. He obviously isn't if he still relies on the support of his parents.
    3. He needs to man up to his father, tell him to stay out of his private business involving you and mean it.

    If he cannot do #3 then you are headed into a very dysfunctional relationship. You are going to be your in-laws' B*** because your man lacks a backbone and you are always going to have to worry about pleasing them. You said in your other posts that he is defending you... I honestly don't see it if the same problem is resurfacing in three different threads. Just a thought.

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