Jump to content

He is ignoring me again... This time for longer.


summer33

Recommended Posts

I have been "talking" to this guy for about 8 months now almost. It hasn't been a super smooth ride, because he's got some emotional baggage from a really bad breakup (his ex cheated on him 4 times and he loved her). Well, he does this thing from time to time where he will completely ignore me -- won't respond to texts or pickup calls. In the beginning it would really confuse me and make me frantic. He eventually told me that sometimes when he feels like he's getting super close to someone, he backs off and needs space and he does that. Well, he's done it a couple times. The 2nd time I didn't freak out as much, because I knew that was his thing. Well, he's doing it again now --- I didn't know he was upset until Weds. I texted him Mon and Tues and he never responded. Then Weds night I texted him and he never responded. So Thurs I felt like something was up when I called him and he sent me to voicemail after a couple rings. So I texted and asked if he was ignoring me and if there was anything he needed to talk about. Of course, no response. I sent a couple more texts that day and Friday and told him that if he couldn't talk to me about it then I'm not doing this anymore. I told him numerous times I'm not a mind reader, and if something is wrong he needs to communicate it with me or if he just needs space he needs to communicate that with me. He always says he understands, but yet he doesn't follow through. So, my last text I sent him was when I decided that I didn't want to have to deal with this -- I really care about him a LOT, but this is just too stressful to handle. On the real though, I do care about him a lot and those feelings are still there. I just don't know if this time he's ignoring me because maybe he heard something and he believes that and won't tell me about it or he's going through a "i need space" phase. I'm really confused. It is now Sunday, and he still has not contacted me. I didn't text him at all on Saturday or today. What do you guys think? If a guy is mad at you and won't talk to you about it (assuming he is upset with me), does that mean he is indifferent or that he still cares? I don't get this whole ignoring thing. It's so immature, and I really don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to resist contacting him for as long as I can, but on the other hand I am scared that he is done with me forreal. Thanks for any tips.

Link to comment

summer33, you need to let this guy go.

The disrespect he is showing you is blatant, yet you still keep on trying and hoping it will change. You deserve way better than having to continuously text and call a guy who is not bothering to contact you back. He is calling all the shots here and he's probably getting a good laugh--He knows he can continue to ignore you and you'll keep on contacting him. No matter how much you tell him you've had enough, he knows you're still there.

Get your self respect back, stop texting and calling this guy, and let him wonder for once where you disappeared to. Give him some of his own medicine.

And when he decides to throw a bone to you, really think about if you want a guy who acts like this. You are not desperate, so stop acting like you are. Take him off the pedestal you put him and really work on your self esteem. Because someone with self esteem would've walked away a long time ago.

Link to comment

I have been down this road before and let me tell you that the faster you get out of it the better off you will be. Don't waste your energy on a guy who blows hot and cold and is that erratic...and don't feel sorry for him because of imagined things he might be going through...plain and simple, the guy is a game player and this is how he gets his jollies. It has nothing to do with internal angst or being upset over his previous relationship (perhaps he also played mind games with his ex and he is just claiming she cheated when the reality is that he messed her about). This is about him not being on the straight and narrow...a decent person does not continually ignore someone he has set up a friendship/something more than friendship with. I spent several years in denial about the guy who played mind games with me in this way...kept trying to convince myself that there was a good side to him despite his erratic behaviour...I was wrong...he was simply living his life, dating etc all the while stringing me along and blowing hot and cold. I finally got fed up and stopped contacting him...a month or so later I read about his engagement in the newspaper. He didn't have the decency to actually let me know what was really going on. Stop contacting this guy and if he contacts you again blow him off...because a good guy would not behave like this.

Link to comment

This guy is always going to have communication issues, which is not conducive to a good relationship. Also, if he is that damaged from his last relationship, that is also a huge concern. It doea sounds like you really are into this guy but I would seriously consider moving on and leaving his issues for someone that has better communication and has less baggage. You won't be able to fix this guy. He needs to fix himself before getting into any relationship.

Link to comment

A grownup does not ignore another human being. What he's doing is childish, attention-seeking, and also somewhat manipulative. Do not make excuses for him- if he is that traumatized by his bad breakup, then he needs a therapist, not a new girlfriend. Think about it: he knows this upsets you and drives you crazy, but continues to do it. That's just mean.

Link to comment

Wow. Thanks you guys for all the input. Yeah, I am really into him -- have super strong feelings for him and when we are together it is amazing, but I agree - I don't deserve this. When we are together, there is a lot of chemistry and affection between us, and I haven't felt the same kind of affection with anyone ever so that's why I allow myself to be strung along. However, he's young too, so I feel like he has a lot of growing up to do.

 

One thing though -- You guys are going to hate me for what I'm about to say - I let him borrow $380 at first for his rent - he paid me back $300 and then I let him borrow money again 2 times for his rent, and I have yet to see that money. So, he has over $800 of my money still, which I obviously still want back. Do you think he will try to contact me again eventually? Or should I wait a while and then contact him for the money? When and if he does reach out to me, I told myself I would ignore him for a week to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Link to comment

He won't try to contact you to pay you back, why would he? If he contacts you at all, it will probably be to ask for more.

 

If you have written agreements for the loans, you could try taking him to small claims court. If not, you could keep bugging him for it or just let it go.

 

And never lend anyone money again.

Link to comment

Well I've been sort of going through this lately, where I've contacted a guy who won't contact me back. We've always been friends, although we did both have mutual feelings for each other a while ago, but it didn't really come to anything, we just moved on and stayed as friends. Recently he's been ignoring me and I'm confused aswell. But I've learned that he can't be that interested if he won't contact me back, especially when I'm making the effort, so yeah you need to let him go.

 

As for the money thing, you shouldn't have lent him the money, although it's done now, you were just helping him out and that's understandable. I'd say that you should give it some time, and try getting into contact with him again after a short break, and ask for the money back. Whether you stay in contact with him then is of course up to you, but it's likely this type of thing will keep happening, it'd probably be for the best if you slightly distanced yourself from him.

Link to comment

Is it wrong for me to just want to know why he is ignoring me? I feel like he may be upset at me, but I can honestly say that I don't know what it could possibly be. His brother did have a thing for me, and his brother is a very hateful person, so I wouldn't be surprised if he made up something really bad about me and said it to him. We already established that he is immature, so I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to discuss it. But I just want to know why he is so mad and then he can continue on his way of hating me for whatever he's supposedly upset about. I just want some closure.

Link to comment
Is it wrong for me to just want to know why he is ignoring me? I feel like he may be upset at me, but I can honestly say that I don't know what it could possibly be. His brother did have a thing for me, and his brother is a very hateful person, so I wouldn't be surprised if he made up something really bad about me and said it to him. We already established that he is immature, so I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to discuss it. But I just want to know why he is so mad and then he can continue on his way of hating me for whatever he's supposedly upset about. I just want some closure.

 

Does it really matter why? Also, it probably is not a good idea to ignore him to give him a taste of his own medicine, since it solves nothing.

 

Call him and tell him that you don't want hard feelings, but would like to end the relationship and get your money back, the end.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

okay you guys. so the dude ignored me for a month, and then this past monday he contacted me saying "we should get a room". i didn't respond, because i was pissed that he would ignore me for a month and then say something disrespectful like that. plus i wanted to give him a "taste of his own medicine". so then he texted me again Friday saying "what are you doing tonight?". I didn't respond again. Then he texted me again today (Sunday) and said "hey". I didn't respond. Then he said "hey what's up. Still mad at me huh? just wanted to say sorry for all the bs. I understand if you don't want to speak to me. I was just really stressed and kinda still am." I haven't responded. I don't really know what to do or say. I'm scared and hesitant. I'm scared he's apologizing b/c he might want money again, but then again it could be a genuine apology --- who really knows. I was really surprised he apologized to begin with. What do you guys think I should do?

Link to comment

BLAH. men suck. he texted me again --- I just said "you just play games." he goes "we all play games from time to time." I said "well, I'm not a game player. I keep it real. You can try your games on someone else." I wonder what he's thinking.

Link to comment

How long of a silent treatment do you give each other after a fight?

 

There were a lot of posts on my thread. Might give you some clarity.

 

Also, this guy is punishing you by reversing the roles of you both.

 

His ex did the same thing to him so he's holding his grudge against you and is doing what his ex did to him.

 

RUN.

 

;] You deserve better.

 

You know it.

 

Smile that you realize that now.

Link to comment

Thanks for the link to that thread! I read it. They are right. It is a form of control and punishment. I know I don't deserve this. I'm not going to lie though - it was very difficult to send that last text. Do you guys think he will attempt to contact me again after that, or do you think he gets the point?

Link to comment
Thanks for the link to that thread! I read it. They are right. It is a form of control and punishment. I know I don't deserve this. I'm not going to lie though - it was very difficult to send that last text. Do you guys think he will attempt to contact me again after that, or do you think he gets the point?

 

Look at my icon. I don't think it shows that I care what he thinks.

 

What I do care, is what you think.

 

If you think he is not good enough for you, move on.

 

;] That was easy. [clicks the Staple Button]

Link to comment

he would only be "good enough for me" if he fixed his act. he took advantage of the fact that i was too nice to him. i learned my lesson and how i need to be with him if i did ever want to contact him further. i would not contact him further though, unless he straightened up. that means, he has to respect me, genuinely apologize and show me he's sorry, and mean it. otherwise, he cannot have me in his life at all. that's how i feel. i do like him and care about him a lot, but i'm not going to be that dumb desperate girl. i know that i'm quality and i can't allow any man to treat me that way, but obviously those feelings are there and if he treated me right i would want to work it out --- not going to lie. it's just going to take a lot of patience and time, i guess. lets see if he even texts me further after this.

Link to comment

Why would you wanna stay with a guy who already has done this to you like probably several times that you don't want to admit it?

 

Don't you want a guy who is passionately crazy about you?

 

You're settling like I have for past of my three relationships. I'm glad I healed fast than majority of people on ENA board combined.

 

You're missing the opportunity if the next guy or guy after that could be better for you.

Link to comment
You're right. He would have to completely accept fault and change his ways --- but we all know that isn't going to happen. it's just so hard to move on and forget those feelings and emotions.

 

Ha ha not really.

 

Trust me.

 

If you know what you are worth you will over it less than 5 minutes. LOL

 

1st Breakup - Took me 2 weeks to get over it

2nd Breakup - 1 day

3rd Breakup - 5 minutes

Link to comment

Honey, i have been through that situation and it is so frustrating. Yes, when a man ignores you after you text/call/leave messages a million times, he is trying to see how much you are willing to bend for him. It is a sign of an abuser. What he is doing is emotional abuse and we all know what comes next. He will be calling you names and then he will hit you and make you feel like it is your fault.

 

This guy has some serious communication and trust issues and it is something he needs to work on himself. Do not even care about what he thinks or if he gets the point. Whats important is YOU got YOUR point accross, that you do not deserve to be treated like a doormat, that you deserve better, and that you have respect for yourself. I know it is easier said than done, especially when you really do love the jerk. But lets face it, he is trying to control you, to manipulate you. Get the hell out of that relationship while its still early. You deserve someone who respects you as a woman.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...