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Thread: He is ignoring me again... This time for longer.

  1. #1
    summer33
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    He is ignoring me again... This time for longer.

    I have been "talking" to this guy for about 8 months now almost. It hasn't been a super smooth ride, because he's got some emotional baggage from a really bad breakup (his ex cheated on him 4 times and he loved her). Well, he does this thing from time to time where he will completely ignore me -- won't respond to texts or pickup calls. In the beginning it would really confuse me and make me frantic. He eventually told me that sometimes when he feels like he's getting super close to someone, he backs off and needs space and he does that. Well, he's done it a couple times. The 2nd time I didn't freak out as much, because I knew that was his thing. Well, he's doing it again now --- I didn't know he was upset until Weds. I texted him Mon and Tues and he never responded. Then Weds night I texted him and he never responded. So Thurs I felt like something was up when I called him and he sent me to voicemail after a couple rings. So I texted and asked if he was ignoring me and if there was anything he needed to talk about. Of course, no response. I sent a couple more texts that day and Friday and told him that if he couldn't talk to me about it then I'm not doing this anymore. I told him numerous times I'm not a mind reader, and if something is wrong he needs to communicate it with me or if he just needs space he needs to communicate that with me. He always says he understands, but yet he doesn't follow through. So, my last text I sent him was when I decided that I didn't want to have to deal with this -- I really care about him a LOT, but this is just too stressful to handle. On the real though, I do care about him a lot and those feelings are still there. I just don't know if this time he's ignoring me because maybe he heard something and he believes that and won't tell me about it or he's going through a "i need space" phase. I'm really confused. It is now Sunday, and he still has not contacted me. I didn't text him at all on Saturday or today. What do you guys think? If a guy is mad at you and won't talk to you about it (assuming he is upset with me), does that mean he is indifferent or that he still cares? I don't get this whole ignoring thing. It's so immature, and I really don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to resist contacting him for as long as I can, but on the other hand I am scared that he is done with me forreal. Thanks for any tips.

  2. #2
    michelemybell
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    summer33, you need to let this guy go.
    The disrespect he is showing you is blatant, yet you still keep on trying and hoping it will change. You deserve way better than having to continuously text and call a guy who is not bothering to contact you back. He is calling all the shots here and he's probably getting a good laugh--He knows he can continue to ignore you and you'll keep on contacting him. No matter how much you tell him you've had enough, he knows you're still there.
    Get your self respect back, stop texting and calling this guy, and let him wonder for once where you disappeared to. Give him some of his own medicine.
    And when he decides to throw a bone to you, really think about if you want a guy who acts like this. You are not desperate, so stop acting like you are. Take him off the pedestal you put him and really work on your self esteem. Because someone with self esteem would've walked away a long time ago.

  3. #3
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    I have been down this road before and let me tell you that the faster you get out of it the better off you will be. Don't waste your energy on a guy who blows hot and cold and is that erratic...and don't feel sorry for him because of imagined things he might be going through...plain and simple, the guy is a game player and this is how he gets his jollies. It has nothing to do with internal angst or being upset over his previous relationship (perhaps he also played mind games with his ex and he is just claiming she cheated when the reality is that he messed her about). This is about him not being on the straight and narrow...a decent person does not continually ignore someone he has set up a friendship/something more than friendship with. I spent several years in denial about the guy who played mind games with me in this way...kept trying to convince myself that there was a good side to him despite his erratic behaviour...I was wrong...he was simply living his life, dating etc all the while stringing me along and blowing hot and cold. I finally got fed up and stopped contacting him...a month or so later I read about his engagement in the newspaper. He didn't have the decency to actually let me know what was really going on. Stop contacting this guy and if he contacts you again blow him off...because a good guy would not behave like this.

  4. #4
    kaibutsu
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    This guy is always going to have communication issues, which is not conducive to a good relationship. Also, if he is that damaged from his last relationship, that is also a huge concern. It doea sounds like you really are into this guy but I would seriously consider moving on and leaving his issues for someone that has better communication and has less baggage. You won't be able to fix this guy. He needs to fix himself before getting into any relationship.

  5. #5
    bulletproof
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    A grownup does not ignore another human being. What he's doing is childish, attention-seeking, and also somewhat manipulative. Do not make excuses for him- if he is that traumatized by his bad breakup, then he needs a therapist, not a new girlfriend. Think about it: he knows this upsets you and drives you crazy, but continues to do it. That's just mean.

  6. #6
    annie24
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    I'd forget this guy and move on. I know, easier said than done. I would stop calling him altogether.

  7. #7
    summer33
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    Wow. Thanks you guys for all the input. Yeah, I am really into him -- have super strong feelings for him and when we are together it is amazing, but I agree - I don't deserve this. When we are together, there is a lot of chemistry and affection between us, and I haven't felt the same kind of affection with anyone ever so that's why I allow myself to be strung along. However, he's young too, so I feel like he has a lot of growing up to do.

    One thing though -- You guys are going to hate me for what I'm about to say - I let him borrow $380 at first for his rent - he paid me back $300 and then I let him borrow money again 2 times for his rent, and I have yet to see that money. So, he has over $800 of my money still, which I obviously still want back. Do you think he will try to contact me again eventually? Or should I wait a while and then contact him for the money? When and if he does reach out to me, I told myself I would ignore him for a week to give him a taste of his own medicine.

  8. #8
    DrKitten
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    He won't try to contact you to pay you back, why would he? If he contacts you at all, it will probably be to ask for more.

    If you have written agreements for the loans, you could try taking him to small claims court. If not, you could keep bugging him for it or just let it go.

    And never lend anyone money again.

  9. #9
    SparksFly
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    Well I've been sort of going through this lately, where I've contacted a guy who won't contact me back. We've always been friends, although we did both have mutual feelings for each other a while ago, but it didn't really come to anything, we just moved on and stayed as friends. Recently he's been ignoring me and I'm confused aswell. But I've learned that he can't be that interested if he won't contact me back, especially when I'm making the effort, so yeah you need to let him go.

    As for the money thing, you shouldn't have lent him the money, although it's done now, you were just helping him out and that's understandable. I'd say that you should give it some time, and try getting into contact with him again after a short break, and ask for the money back. Whether you stay in contact with him then is of course up to you, but it's likely this type of thing will keep happening, it'd probably be for the best if you slightly distanced yourself from him.

  10. #10
    summer33
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    Is it wrong for me to just want to know why he is ignoring me? I feel like he may be upset at me, but I can honestly say that I don't know what it could possibly be. His brother did have a thing for me, and his brother is a very hateful person, so I wouldn't be surprised if he made up something really bad about me and said it to him. We already established that he is immature, so I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to discuss it. But I just want to know why he is so mad and then he can continue on his way of hating me for whatever he's supposedly upset about. I just want some closure.

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