"Just us Guys" Sporting event, now one brings his wife.

A group of us guys regularly attend a weekend motorsports event 3-4 times a year that lasts from Wednesday to Sunday, we camp out, cook, have a few drinks and have a good time. Before it was just us guys, no wives/girlfriends. Now one of our friends (without discussion) has decided to bring his wife to "cook". I really have a hard time with this because her presence has really put a dampener on the fun. Another member of our "group" has dropped out because of this. I would really prefer her to stay home because it's killing an otherwise very enjoyable activity.

How do I tell the friend that the rest of the group don't enjoy her presence without risking the mutual friendship? I realize some men love to have their spouses along, I haven't said anything yet but I'm afraid I'll have to if she goes again. FWIW, this couple is a little "country" and lacks etiquette and education. The girl can't cook either.

maybe she forces him to take her with? probably jealous or something

It's just one time, so let it happen this once. She probably wants to go this one time, she probably cornered him with a threat too (no sex).

The fact is she's either gonna feel like an outsider to the group and not wanna do it again, or someone is gonna say something after the trip is over like "could've been more fun" or your friend will even feel that way. It happens, we realize afterwards that it's way more fun without a girlfriend/spouse around.

You could also just tell him that none of the guys want her around cause it's not the right fit. Tell him straight that it's just not gonna be as enjoyable. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he should know that as well.

 

It's the same with me and my friends. Every year we go on a snowboarding trip which lasts a few days. One year it was 3 guys, 2 girls, and 1 who's both (a guy who acts like a whiny girl). After that, the core guys which were me and my two guy friends (one who's dating one of the girls) were like no more girls or wusses for the next trip. We did it again this year, this time 6 of us guys and we had a better time.

No, she's been along four times, before it was easier to overlook because the friend was going through some health problems but that's all behind him. I think he truly wants her there, I believe she could care less.

Isn't it terrible when people conjoin at the hip and won't allow their significant other to be an individual??? I hate that too.

 

I wouldn't let the "just one time" go. Because then she has a stronger argument next time "welll... how come I can't go this time? I went last time...".

 

Put your foot down. Say "guys only". Tell him if his wife insists on coming HE should stay home, not the other friend who bowed out.

 

I hate this and have no tolerance for it. One of my girlfriends is like this... she is the only one who brings her husband on girls' night. I mean... we all love him. And there is a time and a place for group-couple time. But he cramps our style a little when we're trying to go a girl's night. We're trying to "girl out". I finally snapped when she went to bring him with us on a spa weekend. Ummm... no.

 

Just remember this feeling when YOU are in a relationship and want to cramp your gf's "girl's night". It sucks. Get a life of your own and don't do it (moderation is everything, of course...). Your relationship (and others around you) will be happier for it.

 

/end rant (sorry, it's a bit of a pet peeve for me)

No, she's been along four times, before it was easier to overlook because the friend was going through some health problems but that's all behind him. I think he truly wants her there, I believe she could care less.

 

You guys need to get together, sit him down, and have an intervention. Four times, that sounds pretty crappy.

It's worse if she feels like she's "one of the guys" too. Yeah definitely talk to him about it, bring up the past four times and just have everyone be like it's not as much fun when she's around. I don't think it'll do anything to the friendship, most guys/girls will understand this position. It's valid to say you don't want somebody around if they're gonna hamper the fun.

Maybe he just REALLY likes having his wife there? Maybe its more enjoyable for HIM if shes there?

 

If you say something, I would just say, "We all really love your wife. It's great having her there....but this is kind of our man retreat away from the womenfolk. would it offend her if we didn't take her along this year?" feel it out.....

Why does her presence put a damper on the fun for you? Is there any reason you want to exclude her other than her gender? It seems really rude to me to not want her around unless you have a VERY good reason like she's mean or rude something.

Man up and tell him what the deal is and WHY.

Guys who don't understand the concept of guys' weekends don't get invited on subsequent guys' weekends.

Why does her presence put a damper on the fun for you? Is there any reason you want to exclude her other than her gender? It seems really rude to me to not want her around unless you have a VERY good reason like she's mean or rude something.

 

it's not rude!!! they have been doing guys weekend forever he says. It has always been just guys. why should the other guys time be ruined if one guy has to bring his wife along (sorry I don't mean to sound rude to you)

 

I think it is kinda unfair to the group.

 

if this was an all girls weekend.... something the girls did every year. and one of the girls brought their boyfriend along, how dumb would that be. we wouldn't be able to have "girls time" with a guy cramping our style.

 

I think that if you can't get it accross to him this time around, maybe exclude him the next time and he will get the point?

 

I know that sounds harsh. I just think it is ruder for the guy to bring his wife without the other guys ok then it is to exclude the wife.

Why does her presence put a damper on the fun for you? Is there any reason you want to exclude her other than her gender?

 

That's exactly why. It isn't a guys' weekend if wife/wives are tagging along.

it's not rude!!! they have been doing guys weekend forever he says. It has always been just guys. why should the other guys time be ruined if one guy has to bring his wife along (sorry I don't mean to sound rude to you)

 

I think it is kinda unfair to the group.

 

if this was an all girls weekend.... something the girls did every year. and one of the girls brought their boyfriend along, how dumb would that be. we wouldn't be able to have "girls time" with a guy cramping our style.

 

I think that if you can't get it accross to him this time around, maybe exclude him the next time and he will get the point?

 

I know that sounds harsh. I just think it is ruder for the guy to bring his wife without the other guys ok then it is to exclude the wife.

 

Well, I don't think precedent matters, so with that out of the equation, why doesn't OP want her around? To me saying you don't want someone around solely because of their gender is completely beyond the pale. If it's more than her gender, such as the 'damper on the fun' as the OP put it, why? What is it they want to do that her presence ruins? Just doesn't make sense.

 

How does having a guy around for you girls night out cramp your style? What is it specifically that you want to do that a man being there would ruin?

 

I'm just not for excluding people, SO's included, based on their gender alone and there's nothing I want to do that my friends wife presence would ruin unless it was something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

Pleasehelp, it is simple. It is something that the group is not comfortable with. It is a guys weekend/campout.

^All excellent tips^.

 

Why does her presence put a damper on the fun for you? Is there any reason you want to exclude her other than her gender? It seems really rude to me to not want her around unless you have a VERY good reason like she's mean or rude something.

1. It's always been a "guy only" activity. 2. She tends to "strongly suggest" what we should do. 3. We aren't included in others activities because there's a female in the group. 4. Her looks are very "out there and has country mannerisms", honestly I don't want to be associated with her. 5. When we get home it's awkward with the wives/girlfriends that didn't go.

You just created your own escape route JOE... "I know you love having yoru wife there...but some of the other wives/gfs are getting because we don't invite them. the reason is just because it's a little escape from them. do you think she'd mind if she stayed home this time around? to get the rest of us out of trouble with the wives/girlfriends"

Well, I don't think precedent matters, so with that out of the equation, why doesn't OP want her around? To me saying you don't want someone around solely because of their gender is completely beyond the pale. If it's more than her gender, such as the 'damper on the fun' as the OP put it, why? What is it they want to do that her presence ruins? Just doesn't make sense.

 

How does having a guy around for you girls night out cramp your style? What is it specifically that you want to do that a man being there would ruin?

 

I'm just not for excluding people, SO's included, based on their gender alone and there's nothing I want to do that my friends wife presence would ruin unless it was something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

 

I think there's a number of extremely valid reasons for doing the whole gender segregation.

 

Women like to talk about nails, hair, periods, their beefs with their bfs/husbands, that chick flick that everyone has seen, the last episode of Oprah,etc. Guys (generally) don't want that conversation and find it boring. With men there, you curb the conversation in a different route to suit them and not leave them out.

 

Guys like to fart, talk smack, drink beer, swear... well... guy things. With a woman there who will find this distateful, they curb this behaviour.

 

As much as I am for gender equality - equal is equal but also different. Yes, some people are more "middle" people. But sometimes it's nice to just follow some of the stereotypes. I'm not a nail and hair girl myself... but yanno... 1 or 2 weekends a year with my girlfriends? Yeah, I'll let them do my nails while I do their hair and we gossip about... uhh... Brad Pitt or whatever. It's not what I like, per se, but it's girl bonding time. It's simply not the same with a man present. Will he let us do his nails too? Can we put bows in his hair too? What about a facial mask? Will he wear that too?

 

It's not about doing "bad" things that you don't want others to see - it's about doing things that are generally gender specific (doing hair/nails vs. watching sports) and bonding in that unique way.

 

Women like to talk about nails, hair, periods, their beefs with their bfs/husbands, that chick flick that everyone has seen, the last episode of Oprah,etc. Guys (generally) don't want that conversation and find it boring. With men there, you curb the conversation in a different route to suit them and not leave them out.

 

Guys like to fart, talk smack, drink beer, swear... well... guy things. With a woman there who will find this distateful, they curb this behaviour.

 

 

This really isn't true. I'm not sure there is anything I enjoy that I would enjoy less if my partner was there. I'm pretty sure I almost never talk about periods, nails, hair or Oprah with anyone.

How old are you people?

This really isn't true. I'm not sure there is anything I enjoy that I would enjoy less if my partner was there. I'm pretty sure I almost never talk about periods, nails, hair or Oprah with anyone.

Yes, your partner but what about the others along? Do you assume just because the partner is along that everyone wants him/her in the group?

This really isn't true. I'm not sure there is anything I enjoy that I would enjoy less if my partner was there. I'm pretty sure I almost never talk about periods, nails, hair or Oprah with anyone.

 

Yes. I see this more of a problem with people assuming they need to curb their behavior because they aren't fully comfortable around another gender. Women all fart, and many drink beer, watch sports, etc. If the idea is a weekend of sterotypically male behavior then the OP's friends wife knows what to expect and still wants to come. I'd just fart in front of her - she can handle it, she's not 11.

Lol, there's really no need to read into it that much.

 

Men and women are different, class. Sometimes men just want to hang out with men. Sometimes women just want to hang out with women. It doesn't mean they're sexist, it doesn't mean they secretly loathe the other sex, it doesn't mean they're afraid of not being themselves.

 

It's healthy. Those of you who really can't understand that could probably benefit from a few men/women only weekends yourselves.

Lol, there's really no need to read into it that much.

 

Men and women are different, class. Sometimes men just want to hang out with men. Sometimes women just want to hang out with women. It doesn't mean they're sexist, it doesn't mean they secretly loathe the other sex, it doesn't mean they're afraid of not being themselves.

 

It's healthy. Those of you who really can't understand that could probably benefit from a few men/women only weekends yourselves.

 

Having done hundreds of men only things all my life and never felt having a woman there would put a damper on it at all I welcome women wherever they want to go.

Having done hundreds of men only things all my life and never felt having a woman there would put a damper on it at all I welcome women wherever they want to go.

 

Then you understand having men-only times just fine. I get it if you personally wouldn't care if a woman tagged along, but you can appreciate why men-only times exist.

Are you sure all the guys are against this and that some others might like to bring their wives? Maybe a group vote to find out? Secret ballot of course.