Don't know if I can forgive, or whether to walk away. Gambling.

Hi

I have posted once before and gotten some great advice. Just after a bit more. I am currently on a break from my 4.5 year relationship and don’t know whether to try and work things out or move on and start again!

My partner recently went through a difficult time, and probably had some unrecognised underlying mental health issues. During this time she secretly played pokies and lied about it, while stealing several thousand dollars from our joint savings. When this was all discovered she was devastated, very sorry and has gotten therapy. She has realised that she has been very shut down and depressed, and lost the plot basically. She seems to fit the description of an ‘escape gambler’ to me, and I believe that she has not gambled since this came to light.

Basically the sticking point has been that since this happened I have told her that she needs to keep contributing to our savings to pay the money back. She has refused, saying that she needs a few months off to work on herself and ensure that nothing like this will ever happen again. And that after that she will continue to save.

I have basically left on a break because I can’t deal with the way she’s done this. I feel that when you hurt someone in this way you should pay it back, and listen to what they tell you when they say what they need to heal. She is asking me to be patient with her but I just don’t know if I can.

I am confused as to whether to give her this time, be patient and give the relationship another go.. or whether to walk away. We have had a good relationship and she is a good person.

We have had issues before though where I have felt that she has dug her heels in though. The basic pattern seems to be that she is someone who has difficulty moving outside of her comfort zone. When it comes to doing things together, often I want to do things and she doesn’t, and she believes that her viewpoint should win, because you shouldn’t make someone do something they’re not comfortable with. I’d love some input on whether this is reasonable too? I can understand it, but I think it’s a bit unfair and stubborn. For example, while living away from my home town she refused to stay with my parents as she felt uncomfortable. She was happy to spend time with them, just wouldn’t stay with them with me.. a fact which hurt my parents and caused them to be a bit concerned about the relationship.

I’m at the point of leaving. But I’m scared to walk away and regret not giving the relationship a go. But I’m also scared to go back and find that she’s somebody who just won’t compromise.

Obviously there would be a lot of work to do anyway and she is willing to see a counsellor and work through things. Are some people just too different though?