What is commitment phobe to you?

I had been in a relationship of over a year with someone. That didnt work and so he broke up with me, for months I prayed we would get back together even though we lived 4 hours away. I really missed him and never thought Id find somone new. One day I was studying in the math lab in my new college and this really cute guy walked up to me as we were leaving and asked me out on a date. We started talking more and seemed to like each other. That day we ate dinner together as the first date. I was mesmerized by how polite and handsome he was. He lived on the beach with his dad and was very unique in a way. Three days later we went to the movies. He tried to hold my hand and I let him as we walked downtown. I was a beautiful night we talked and he was amazed by all my accomplishments and how pretty he thought I was. I could tell him liked me alot. One thing led to the other and that night we ended up having sex. By then we had decided we wanted to be together and wanted a long term realtionship. Within the next few weeks he met my family and I met his. Honestly, I feel like I took him for granted at first because I wasnt fully over my ex boyfriend. But then after dating him for a couple of weeks I fell for the new guy quick. There were things I knew I shouldnt have done. I spoke about my ex boyfriend constintly, I asked him about how long he was planning on living with his father and if he ever wanted kids in the future or marriage. Those questions drove him away I guesss, but those were never my intentions. I guess after being commited for so long I felt like I wanted to pick up where my ex and I left which was us moving out because I never got the oppurtunity and I had waited so long for that to happen but it never did! There were things I picked up that I didnt like at first but then got over because I fell for him quick ( like that he planned on living with his father until his father passed away, that he never wanted marriage etc), we went on a couple of more dates and he would come stay and spend the night at my place and I would at his. He would cook for me and I would look at him and felt so lucky to have him because he was so perfect to me. One day we got into a small argument and we said things to each other and from that night he turned cold on me. We didnt talk for couple of days and when he called me he told me that from there on he thought we were better off as individuals more than a team. I was devasted by what he was telling me. Alot of his friends told me he was a good guy, he came from strict parents and cared alot about school and his family. He had graduated from the FIre Academy and EMT. So he was a pretty smart guy with trying to put school and family as priorities.He told me he was crazy about me at first and that he almost felt like telling me he loved me. But he told me he felt like we rushed things and there were a bunch of small things that built up about me that irked him. He said school and family are his #1 priorities so he just wanted to end the relationship. this happened right when I was going to tell him I was possible pregnant. I took two emergency pills but I guess they didnt work. For two weeks we had to battle about what we were going to do and it drove him crazy and upset. We argued non stop because I kept changing my mind with what I wanted to do if I was pregnant. After a while went by I ended having a miscarriage , I was devastated again because not only did he break up with me, but I was dealing with another loss and it killed me! After all of this madness, he acted professioanl and was only there for me financially , but after that he turned cold on me and would refuse to really hang out with me. He bought me flowers as an apology/ friend gift. But other than that he hasnt really wanted anything to do with me. All of this had really killed me inside because I fell for him and now he is gone and I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Does anyone have advice.Im ver upset and all I evr do is think about him. How should I get over him? I want the days when we were noth excited to see each other? What happened that guys can just change their minds from one minute to the next?! Is there a possibility my ex boyfriend could be a commitment phobe? I read sign of it and he fit in with many of the descriptions( he has NEVER been in a long relationhips, longest relationship was 4 months, not even. He was very charming in the beginning and try to get me to fall for him, he never really made me a priority because he said family and school were first,he tried to move in fast with me.Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends, and he would refuse to come to a trip my family and I were going to. He also didnt like planning ahead which in my instances Ive read its because it means commitment. His mom and dad never got married and live in different states. He does not believe in marriage and wants a vasectomy? Is it possible he has commitment issues?

How old is this guy?

Some guys don't "mature" or get into the whole"committment" stage until they are in their twenties some even longer.

About talking about your Ex in front of him - BAD IDEA! That would put me off completely, & I think for him as well. From what you are saying, this is a rebound relationship, and your "bf" thought that you were still in love with your ex instead of him.

Some guys will eventually change their mind to become settled in their own time. You can't push it. When he feels the time is right, he will mention it.

As with the finiancial support and the friend gift/apology gift - do not over think this, I guess he just cares about you as a friend nothing more.

Give him space and time to think what he really wants.

You will eventually find the right person who wants to give you all the things you want in life. It will take time & fate.

Keep yourself busy - start new hobbies, go out with friends, meet new people. Do not rush into anything until you feel right. Be free and single while you can.

Cheer Up

Wow! I'm glad there are people like you in the world who can give great advice! Thank you. He was 21 and so was I. Im over my the guy I was dating before my ex. I stopped talking to my ex yesterday. I miss him and even though we didnt date for long I guess al you can do is learn from mistakes. I know what I did wrong and I tried to communicate about the negative things with him. I really hadnt done anything for him to want out so fast. He is the one that tried to make me fall for him by being extra romantic on dates, which made me like him alot. He wanted a long term commitment. But how do you honestly judge someone by only a couple of weeks? We didnt even date long, and yes I know I shouldnt have rushed but I really wish I could make it right because he was fun for all it was worth, and I liked him so much that I was actually willing to deal with his schedule and the fact that he takes his " father and son time" seriously, and I wasnt going to try and interven with his alone/ social time.

I am not sure if he is a commitment phobe since it usually takes a longer time to determine whether one is REALLY a commitment phobe. I think he is just a person who is close to his family and takes life seriously ( school, family, career ) and you happened to present a lot of dramatic issues that rocked his boat a little bit...in a bad way. You talked a lot about your ex boyfriend, you seem indecisive, you get pregnant ( which is possibly a HUGE shocker for him ) and then you fought a lot about the whole madness. To him, you presented a lot of anguished drama that he didn't want to handle and possibly decided, " She is not for me. If this is how we are now, imagine when we are finally entrenched in a much longer, serious relationship ".

But there are other issues too that just basically screams out that this relationship is not right for the both of you anyway :

a) He was a rebound and you both fell " in lust " quickly.

b) He seems a bit young and immature in his EMOTIONS. He may be serious and forthright when it comes to family, school and career but he doesn't seem to handle emotions very well.

c) He stated to you before that he wants to live in his father's house until his dad dies and that he never wants to get married. These are HUGE things that you have to consider as well. Can you REALLY be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to get married, knowing fully well that YOU want to get married? It will be a relationship filled with resentment in the long run. You will resent him for not wanting to marry and he will resent you for pressuring him. He will argue that he told you about this when you first met and you will argue back, " But I hoped you will chhange ".

I don't believe in divine intervention or things like fate, but maybe the miscarriage ( although it is a painful loss ) happened for a reason. Maybe in the context of your problems, suffering and pain, this is the time to look at the situation and decide what is BEST for you. Moving on would be the wise thing to do.