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Thread: Break up, both sides?

  1. #1
    Martinwilliams
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    Break up, both sides?

    I Feel like in a relationship during a break both sides feel a different way.

    The dumper see's it as i can't stand this person anymore and they are bothering me a certain way : being to loving, protective, of whatever the reason that is causing you to want to break up.

    and the person being dumped feels, like they did something wrong and they want to feel like they can please the dumper so that will take them back. But they should really feel like its the dumpers lost and not take the dumper back because they lost whatever the dumpee was offering and took it for granted.

    but i dont know if thats just how i feel, how to other people take a break up and feel as

  2. #2
    charity
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    Quote Originally Posted by Martinwilliams [Register to see the link]
    I Feel like in a relationship during a break both sides feel a different way.

    But they should really feel like its the dumpers lost and not take the dumper back because they lost whatever the dumpee was offering and took it for granted.
    so you think in ALL cases of relationships breaking up, the dumpee was in the right(being too loving) and the dumper is in the wrong (taking dumpee's love for granted). that absolutly is not right. there are lots of reasons why people break up, too many to possibly list. this may have happened in YOUR CASE. but you shouldn't make this a generalization.
    a lot of times, the relationship isn't working due to basic compatibility issues but the dumpee always wants to try try try. and it is the dumper who finally accepts its not working and has the strength to say 'enough'.
    there are two people in the relationship. both can do wrong and right. but you are assuming the dumpee is 'right' and the dumper is 'wrong'.

    i know that when i was dumped i felt very hard done by. i felt very sorry for myself. but after a lot of self reflection..... i realized that how i was acting in the relationship was not conducive to a healthy relationship. it was needy and clingy.i do not blame him for breaking up with me. he didn't take my love for granted. he just didn't want or need that type of 'love'.

  3. 04-23-2012, 04:29 AM
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  4. #3
    Minx2012
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    I've been on both ends, but I have been the dumper almost 90 % of the time. My views in the shoes of a dumper and dumpee are :

    1) DUMPER

    I sense / see / feel that the relationship is no longer beneficial for the both of us. I often wondered as to why they are NOT seeing the reality of things. At first, I sense / see feel the difference in the relationship and keep quiet about it, hoping that it's just some weird phase. Then, when I can't stop thinking about the issues and how, ultimately, we are both not happy, I say something. I attempt to fix things by talking as openly, honestly as possible. We give it another chance. It goes back to the way it was...all lovely, wonderful and amazing....but it reverts back to what it really is in a matter of months. That's when I usually say " goodbye ". It may take me a few months to finally admit that there is no way in saving the relationship....and then I say it. But before I actually say it, I do notice that I start to neglect / pull back / make myself less available. And then, it's over. I have my spiel, my reasons. There are tears on both ends and there might even be a momentary sense of doubt where I think, " What if I am making a mistake?! ".....and then, I snap back into reality and go through with the end of things. I never look back. Once dumped, I cut of ALL contact with the ex. I literally disappear. This may seem a bit insensitive, cruel...but I think it's for the best. I am already looking forward to moving on, enjoying my life, probably already have someone new or toying around with other different men.

    2) DUMPEE

    I have only been dumped once ( when I was 18 yrs old ) by my highschool sweet heart. Even after he broke up with me, he toyed with my emotions up until I was 21 yrs old. He really had a big impact on who I am as a person in relationships. I am now 33 yrs old. It was 15 yrs ago and I can STILL remember the intense pain. When he was saying the words " I no longer want to be with you ", I remember him looking intently but nervously straight into my eyes. I howled, wailed and then vomited in the bathroom. He had to knock on the door and see if I was ok. All I can do is look at him, shocked, thinking, " How can he keep on hurting me like this? It's almost as if he is a complete stranger. I don't know this person ". He hugged me for a very long time and I was wailing like a baby. He eventually had to run out of my house and drove off in his car. I stood there by my door, shocked and crying. That was only the beginning. The pain that I felt when he came back and forth into my life to use me as a booty call really did something awful to me. I eventually became hardened and broke many hearts throughout my entire 20s. I never looked back. To this day, no one can ever imagine that I wailed like that...

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