Slept with My Brother in Law

I need to know how to breakoff my relationship with my brother-in-law. Here is the story:

I am not getting what I need sexually from my husband. I had a dream about his brother, started flirting, and before I knew it we had slept together. I thought that it was going to just be a sexual thing, but now he is calling me all the time, texting me all the time, and telling me that he is falling in love with me and has felt this way for a long time.

This is not what I signed up for. I love my husband, I just needed someone to take care of my other needs. I never plan on leaving my husband. But that seems like what my brother in law wants. How does he think that is going to work? How does he think that our family would feel?

Here is the problem (besides the fact that I am a horrible person), his brother has had a recent bout of horrible relationships, ending with the women * * * * ting all over him. I am afraid that when I stop this, I am going to throw him into a downward spiral. But the longer I drag it out, the worse it is going to be.

I really feel like I need to talk to someone about this, but who can I talk to. I don't want this anymore, and I don't know what to do about it.

Any advice would be great.

Tell the brother in law that you won't be seeing him anymore, that it's a mistake, and that it has to stop. Tell him that you are very sorry to lead him on, but you want to stay with your husband, and if he could understand that.

This is a tough situation. I'm not sure if you should tell your husband or not. It's one of those things that you have to decide if you will be the one to tell him or take the risk of not telling him and him finding out somehow...now or later. Put yourself in your husband's shoes and think about what you would want him to do if he slept with your sister. Obviously you want to end things with the guy so do that, don't worry about him, he is a grown man not a child.

If you love your husband like you said you do I would suggest telling him the truth.

 

This is not what I signed up for.

Before you sign always remember to read the small print. Basically you laid your bed.

You should know what comes with this sort of behaviour. I hope it wont turn into a right old mess, a bigger mess than you're already in.

Are you planning on telling your husband?

If I tell my husband, there is probably a 99% chance that he will want a divorce. There are some bad family dynamics, so I think that it would have been better if it had been a stranger. I don't want my daughter to have to go through all of that.

I know these are all things that I should have thought about before I started this.

Well you can tell your husband or I am sure his brother will. This is going to end very badly.

Your husband deserves to know the truth. You say he will probably leave you but that is his own right, you cheated on him with his own brother. He will find out either way because you say the brother has fallen for you so he will probably tell his brother in order for him to leave you and then he can try be with you.

Tell your husband before the brother does.

Absolutely tell him. you can't have a relationship built on lies. that isn't fair.

Selfish? I am selfish? What about my husband who just comes into the bedroom, gets what he needs and then gets up and goes and watches TV? He doesn't care if I am satisfied, and doesn't even try. It is just about his own pleasure.

Selfish? I am selfish? What about my husband who just comes into the bedroom, gets what he needs and then gets up and goes and watches TV? He doesn't care if I am satisfied, and doesn't even try. It is just about his own pleasure.

I was resisting the urge to add my 2 cents until you said this.

So your husband wasn't satisfying you. You know what an adult does when that's the case in a healthy marriage? They address that issue with the person it involves, not run off to the first person who can meet the need. And just to make this especially sweet, you chose his own brother.

Please don't in any way, shape or form try to rationalize your behavior. If you had an issue with your husband, then as his wife you had a duty to address that with him. You failed to do so. That was your choice. Not his, not his brother's, yours.

Time to be a big girl and take responsibility for your actions.

I totally understand what you both are saying, and I don't disagree that what I did was wrong. I am sorry, the selfish word hit a nerve.

I have talked to my husband about this, many, many, many times. Nothing changes. He is the sweetest kindest most caring person in every other aspect of life, except for sex. And I know, that isn't an excuse.

Sooner or later his brother will tell him,so do it you,,it is better

 

I am not getting what I need sexually from my husband. I had a dream about his brother, started flirting, and before I knew it we had slept together.

The fact that you can so casually betray someone you claim to care about is beyond me. Sex doesn't just happen to you. You need to to turn the mirror on yourself. You are the bad guy here and you won't find many people on this board that are going to sympathize with you. It must be frustrating not having your needs met but there are other avenues for getting those needs met that do not involve dishonesty (open marriage and divorce to name a few). The right thing to do is to tell your husband about this while you still can. He is very likely to find out anyway (although that is beside the point).

just think about what you have done to him`? i mean ,it is terrible his wife did it-but her he can divorce and avoid for the rest of his life,but you basically destroyed the relationship between him and his brother for ever

although he is the one to be blamed too of course

I totally understand what you both are saying, and I don't disagree that what I did was wrong. I am sorry, the selfish word hit a nerve.

 

I have talked to my husband about this, many, many, many times. Nothing changes. He is the sweetest kindest most caring person in every other aspect of life, except for sex. And I know, that isn't an excuse.

Well ultimately there were other ways of handling it. Couples therapy, sexual therapy sessions, etc. And ultimately if this is a dealbreaker then you always had the option of ending the relationship. But instead you decided to cheat and are now trying to rationalize it.

The best outcome here is if you fess up and try to handle this the right way. You may or may not be able to salvage the relationship, but it's a better option of hoping the secret never gets out. Because it eventually will.

This situation is going to end poorly for your family. There is NOTHING you can do about that at this point other than try to limit the damage by telling your husband and letting the chips fall where they may. You must, must, MUST take accountability for this or it's just going to get worse. Multiple relationships are going to get ruined because of it...most likely permanently. Accept that as a fact at this point and there's nothing you can do about it other than expediate it and not lengthen the pain for everyone involved.

Your marriage is essentially over already. It ended when you had sex with his BROTHER. I honestly cannot imagine a worse betrayal than this and I feel extremely badly for all the parties involved, especially your husband and your daughter. Do what is best for her at this point. That is: End the relationship with his brother, tell your husband what happened. In the short term your life is going to be thrown apart but in the long term it'll be what's best for your daughter, yourself and your husband.

The sex therapy, counciling bridges have been burned to the ground at this point and moot.

the chance that your husband is going to forgive you is bigger if he hears it from you

It's either pay now or pay later, as this will eventually get back to your husband. Having said that, the honorable thing to do is to tell him, and allow him to decide his fate in this marriage.

It's a shame that you made such a selfish choice, where you had much to lose, as well as the potential to harm so many people.

People get killed over stuff like this. You should tell him while someone else is present..probably with his brother. May as well take care of it all at once.

I think you should come clean and then split from your husband so that he can find someone who will be faithful to him. If you really love your husband and care about him, that is, you should realize that he deserves better than that.

I also genuinely think that your husband is going to stay with you if you tell him. He probably won't speak to his brother.

I'm honestly not even that mad at you for this whole thing. Your need wasn't ever going to get met if you just left things as they were. I think having sex with your husband's brother, because your husband refused to tend to your needs, might turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to your sex life. If your husband does stay with you, I bet he won't be nearly such a slouch in bed anymore, and will probably run through the Kama Sutra on you

I don't see any way out of this - and normally, I would say telling your husband would be selfish (it eases your burden but not his) BUT because it's his brother, he has to know. Do you have a place you can go?

I totally understand what you both are saying, and I don't disagree that what I did was wrong. I am sorry, the selfish word hit a nerve.

 

I have talked to my husband about this, many, many, many times. Nothing changes. He is the sweetest kindest most caring person in every other aspect of life, except for sex. And I know, that isn't an excuse.

Ok, well, you had the talk, hubby didn't change, so you should have left, NOT CHEATED. Now because bro is in love with you, he's sure to tell someone and this will blow up and your husband will leave you unless he's got zero self esteem and brains. Congrats.

You should tell your husband first if you have any remorse and desire to be a good person.

You need to tell him (the brother in law) no more, stop seeing him, ignore him, NO CONTACT, and keep your mouth shut about this.

This is one of those times where I would advise against telling the truth unless you wanna open Pandora's Box. Just stop your behavior. Cheating itself is pretty bad, but cheating on your brother-in-law is brutal. For your husband's sake, don't tell him. For your own sake, find someone else to lay with if you must.