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Thread: narcissistic ex bf moved on 2 weeks after the break up, I'm torn and unemployed

  1. #1
    CTT
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    narcissistic ex bf moved on 2 weeks after the break up, I'm torn and unemployed

    My narcissistic ex bf had a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up. I'm beyond hurt and he claimed he loved me so much even when we broke up. Me, however, cannot find another new relationship. It's been 4 months after break up. I also could not find any availalbe guy that I had the same feeling for my ex bf. I also left my former employer recently. It's a really good company where we both work at. But I didn't like my job and felt it's so draining to fight for the depression and stay top on my performance.

    I feel really torn and depressed. Why is life so cruel and unfair? He is the bad guy in the relationship (he's been both verbally and physically abusive), though I do admit I acted horribly when we had fights later on in the relationship. I feel i'm probably at the lowest point in my life. I know I should focus on myself now to find a job and a new relationship I feel passionate for, but I just feel so hopeless and do not see how I will be happy again. Meanwhile, I also beat my self up from time to time for my mistakes in the relationship.

  2. #2
    WhenWillILove
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    Narcissists, for the most part, have very fragile egos. To compensate for this, they seek out 'victims', in this case, partners, that will fill their shattering self-esteem with things such as admiration, neediness, affection and so on.
    He replaced you so easily because you are no longer a source of fulfillment for his low self-esteem. This new girl is, though. And if their relationship goes to ruin, he will seek out another just as easily to fill in that empty void of a self-esteem he has.
    It has mostly nothing to do with you and all to do with him.

  3. #3
    KRM5124

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    I feel where your coming from bombkathy my ex left me 2 months ago after more than 4 years together, she is basically the same way you describe your ex, she left me and the next day was in a new relationship, after a week she even told me she was in love with this new guy, I've been beating myself up as well, but I just keep reminding myself that I deserve better than that.

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    miss_sunshine86
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    The great news is you now have an abusive person out of your life.

    Now you are free to move on.

    Read books on positive thinking and see if you can see a councellor.

    Take some time to think about and even write down what you want to do with your life job wise, and even what you want for your life in general.

    It honestly doesnt matter what your ex is doing right now because he is abusive. Even if he wasn't he's not the one because if he was the one he would be with you

  5. #5
    mg22
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    You should count your blessins he's out of your life !! my ex NARCISSITS, did the same to me.. of course it hurts, but eventualy you will understand that his behavior has nothing to do with you, you are a ex victom.. PEOPLE like this continue distroying people without remorse, feel sorry for his new victom !

  6. #6
    CWR1970
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    Bombkathy, I recently did a post about this very thing. I would give it a read, you might find it helpful. I just went through all of this about 6 weeks ago. I was only with the guy for 3 months but he sucked me in, toyed with my mind, then spit me back out. He has moved onto someone else but continues to mess with me (phone calls, text messages, etc.). I finally made the decision that I am NOT going to let him drag me down any longer. It is NOT you, it's HIM. He is not capable of actually loving someone...he puts up a good front, makes you believe that he loves you then BAM...it's like a 180. I am so sorry that you're going through this, I know from experience that it's tough. You MUST pick yourself up and go forward. Don't worry about finding another relationship so quickly...learn to love YOURSELF again first...when the time is right, you will find someone that is deserving of you!

  7. #7
    MissieP
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    Be glad you are out of that relationship! I dated a self-centered person and it was pure ( got to keep it g rated here lol) and he left me for another woman talk about self centered and he was still dating me! He always said Missie I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you and bare my children with you whatever..... Self-centered people only think about themselves and will spout out anything to make themselves look good and always try and be the victim like poor me I just spilled wine all over my shirt all eyes on me please! Do not beat yourself up! Be happy you are out of there and be glad someone else is putting up with his selfish behavior.

  8. #8
    CTT
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    Thanks so much for the replies. You guys' posts did make me feel stronger and better. I recently contacted him again. He initiated the contact one month ago (it was my birthday) and it took me a while to get back to him. I was keeping it short and and neutral, yet at the end I got emotional in my tone again. (I did still care at that time.) I told him I would leave the country by Aug and probably wouldn't come back and asked him if he wanted to catch up. (He said he wanted to catch up and matian friendship in the first place a month back. ) Then he said no, he was busy and in a difficult time, so he couldn't take anymore. I was like "What the hell!!" I am the person unemployed and will leave the country soon. He doesn't even want to spare the time to see me for the last time. I really didn't know what to feel or to say. How selfish and capricious he is!!

    I am just so dissappointed and feel he really burned all of my hope and love. What a selfish * * * * * * * . Why did I fall for him? Yet I cried my heart out after hearing that. Deep down I never stopped loving him. He just didn't care, didn't care at all about me!!

  9. #9
    PostiveStar
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    I am recently out of a 8year relationship with a Narc, one thing i can tell you now... Engaging in contact, however minimal it is, is the worst idea you can have. Narc's dont "love" and once you open your eyes you'll realise you dont "love" him either. You are merely addicted, and similar to an addiction you need to go cold turkey. No contact is best. He will reel you in, gain that control over you then ditch you agen, this constant cycle will never stop. He craves that control, he feeds off it. And im sure you dont wana go back to square one every time. Once you realise that he honestly and truly believes the world lives and ends with him, the sooner you can move on. P.s NARC's CANNOT change!! Its best to get out while you can.

  10. #10
    OneSadPuppy
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    ^^^ what PositiveStar said!

    A narc will use all means to keep that reflection buffed and shining.
    There are many websites devoted to people adjusting to narc scars or trying to survive with a narc.

    Narc's are the hardest job for any therapist. Usually therapy fails. They can't handle the distorted reflection and quit!

    Don't try to figure out what he's saying / feeling, he's likely histronic too!

    OSP

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