Have you ever been hated on because you're 'good looking'??

Hi,

Tables have turned. I hear so many stories about not so good looking people (I don't really like using the term 'ugly') get teased, bullied or been put down in a passive aggressive manner?

Many have said that I'm 'good looking'. I kind of know this myself but.I'm definitely not arrogant with it.in the slightest, actually the.opposite. I try play it down.

I have experienced passive aggressive put downs, from sadly my.mother, and mostly females in general who I come into contact with - not all though, obviously.

I feel its because of my looks, and my general appearance, which is pretty cool in fact. I find it very sad that people can act this way and it really reflects on their insecurities.

Let.me.give you a few instances.

I was sitting with my guy friend, his friend and his girlfriend at a cafe. We're all talking about the music, art and fashion scene in London (which I happen to know quite a bit about), my friends gf doesn't know much about the subject matter which is fair enough.

So its just me and the 2 guys getting engrossed in it all. Of course I include her in the convo as that is the kind of person I am.

She constantly digs, and I can see through it all. First dig was when her.bf. comments on my new hair colour and shoes and that I remind him of some singer (cant remember who). She says ' yea but I.think people make too much effort to look good don't you.think? Normally they're.insecure...' ( I find it strange, the timing in which she says this, straight after her bf comments on my look) then she goes on to say ' I dont think you look like such and such musician, you look like this musician....who I full well know I don't look like unless I had a face lift.

She was passively digging at me all through that time. Blatantly obvious.

Another girl who I work with attempts to show me up. Muggins here, stupidly confides in her and she'd tell all the guys on our department... Most fancied me so I feel there is a reason for.this childsishness. The day I came in with shaved hair on one side, and yes I had a lot of good attention from guys, she on the otherhand cussed it to the ground. I really enjoyed this girls company but came to realise that she's an insecure butch.

I have more guy friends then girlfriends and you know what? I'm kinda liking it that way.

Now it doesn't take a dumb person to realise this is pure hating because of my looks and personality right?

Or maybe its just the personality but when you're getting on a bus and you see another lady blatantly roll their eyes and talk loudly about 'who do I think I am' when they don't know anything about me makes me think that appearance has a large part to play.

Normally I don't make issues out of this, normally ignore this nonsense as I am happy with who I am.

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

Excuse typing errors I'm using the.mobile phone ..

Insecurity does create jealousy in people; irrational but it's not uncommon either. I'd just try to laugh it off. People can be jealous of anything, looks, money, type of car you have, where you went for lunch, etc etc. It gets ridiculous. They're simply not happy for who they are.

Yeah, happens to me all the time and drives me nuts. In one way it's a compliment, but it also means I have very few male friends other than the guys I grew up with. I'm a really friendly guy and nine times out of ten when I meet a woman we get on great but when I meet a new man he often acts bitter and tries to undermine me and then ends up trying to cut me down behind my back and spread lies about me to again undermine me. Sucks but on the upside I never struggle with women, so I can't really complain too hard.

If you have the type of look that attracts attention (like shaving the side of your head), then yes, you are going to get people looking at you on buses. Regarding others that do actually get to know you and dislike you, I'd guess it was more of a personality issue than looks, since generally people don't start out wanting to dislike another person. Maybe there is something off-putting about you. And it's probably something you should figure out, because you might want female friends at some point.

Sidehop said it well.

I think everyone has had at least one experience with someone sniping at them for something, or nothing at all. If a person is deep enough in the habit of doing it, they will get good at creating something where there is nothing.

Example: I once worked very briefly with a woman who had a snipe about every single woman in the place. One, it was that she was young. One, it was that she felt she was prettier than her. One, it was that she had more money than her. One, it was that she had a nice family life. Me, it was that I was single. So they can even contradict. If someone feels threatened, they want to find a reason why. Even if it's not the real reason.

Reading your story, is it possible that it doesn't have to do with being good looking? I'm not saying you aren't a stunner. I am just saying, in your first example, there are many different possible reasons she felt insecure around you. That you were a single woman in the group. That you engaged more easily in the topic at hand, and with the guys. That she felt uncomfortable as the new person in the group to start with. In the second example, well if all the guys fancied you, there is her reason - it's not so much about the looks, but your position again.

It has happened to me in high school ( I was bullied. The girls spread rumours and mocked my British accent. The boys were very nice to me behind the popular girls' backs, asking me out on a date, but would ignore me when I would say " Hello " to them in front of the popular girls ). This just fuelled me more to become a top Honour roll student so I can get out of high school with high honours, taking most of the scholarships from under their noses to the best Ivy league universities in North America. It happened to me in my 20s ( when I was partying a lot and socialising, expanding my friendships. I often felt the heated stares of women and then turn to their boyfriend, clutching at their arms protectively ). I just danced some more and enjoyed my life, ignoring them. As far as I was concerned, I was in my 20s and living a great life. It happens to me in my 30s, but in a different way. Competitive men in my career would often treat me like I was some sort of a " pretty, young thing " until I start showing them my rather draconian style in executive business, my logical, rational, shrewd decisions and they get defensive. Women call me " intimidating " or some would joke ( in a snide way ), " She's pretty...so she gets what she wants ".

But to be quite honest, personally, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see a Megan Fox or a knock out. I know that when I enter a room, I am NOT the most attractive but I gather a fair bit of attention. I have learned that it's my character that attracts people. For one thing, I am confident and I don't apologise for it. I am passionate about the world and experiencing it. I am a conversationalist ( I truly enjoy conversations with many people from different wakes of life and that's probably why on my down time, when I am not working, I go on this forum to just simply write, express, talk to strangers, as in the very public and global world of business and finance, they will NEVER see this side of me ). I'm like a sponge when it comes to taking in knowledge from ALL sources in my life ( books, personal travels, people I meet, global patterns, business, finance, technology, internet etc )...and I share my critical thoughts and observations with people, which fascinate them.

If you have the type of look that attracts attention (like shaving the side of your head), then yes, you are going to get people looking at you on buses. Regarding others that do actually get to know you and dislike you, I'd guess it was more of a personality issue than looks, since generally people don't start out wanting to dislike another person. Maybe there is something off-putting about you. And it's probably something you should figure out, because you might want female friends at some point.

This is a very good point. I analysed what jealous people didn't like about me and what they all had in common. I was TOO CONFIDENT for their liking. I have learned NOT to apologise for it, because it's my attribute that has led me to great successes in life.

Yea good point. Maybe its a lot more to do with personality. But the bus incident, I didn't have anything wacky on - hair wasn't shaved at that time...Oh I don't know.

Thanks for your input though.

This bit i can relate to. And yes you are right, it seems it's definitely more to do with how one projects themselves, i.e. their character. Funnily enough, even though I think 'I'm alright looking' , I don't think I'm a 'stunner' like one of the other posters mentioned. Far from it. It may just be the fact that I am come accross as interesting and well I take pride in my outward appearance...

Maybe there is something off-putting about you. And it's probably something you should figure out, because you might want female friends at some point.

I'm not sure there is anything off putting - the shaved hair do has grown over. I get on with most people on a regular basis. I am very accepting of differences and people of different backgrounds and willing to learn from them.

This really reflects on them surely? I have 2 proper old school girlfriends and a few girlfriend acquantainces scattered around for coffee drinks. They don't have any issue with me, we get on like a house on fire. They too notice the bad vibes or negative energy from certain other women.

What you see is what you get with guys. You'll know if they don't like you but with girls everything is in code. Annoying really.

Yeah, happens to me all the time and drives me nuts. In one way it's a compliment, but it also means I have very few male friends other than the guys I grew up with. I'm a really friendly guy and nine times out of ten when I meet a woman we get on great but when I meet a new man he often acts bitter and tries to undermine me and then ends up trying to cut me down behind my back and spread lies about me to again undermine me. Sucks but on the upside I never struggle with women, so I can't really complain too hard.

Yea yo'd think it's confined to women this issue, but men too get this. My little bro is fit to a T. He models, has a body that would be on the cover of men's health...bla bla. He get's ridiculous amounts of hate. He has told me so many stories of going to bars and guys starting fights with him because they think he is trying it on with their women...

Ridiculous. Where is the love man? lol

I don't think the are hating your looks or personality because they think you are beautiful/charming - They may be hating because you maybe subconciously your body language asks for it, i.e you may be coming accross to them as a brat/arrogant/defensive/ Like when you tried to involve the girl in the convo even though she is not an expert on the subject matter, she could have known what you are trying to do (involve her), that could be seen as you being a bit condescending.

As for the lady at the bus st rolling her eyes... Most ladies at bus stops are grumpy, did you jump the que or something? They do hate that. Also if you don't say please and thankyous, again they start moaning. But at the end you can just be yourself, who cares what others think, it's their problem not yours.

People can make all kinds of ridiculous and snarky comments for all kinds of reasons, not just because how you look or dress.

Sometimes they may be envious or jealous (as in the case of a girl who is upset if her BF compliments you) or sometimes they must just think you look ridiculous (shaving one side of your head) and think they are giving you social feedback on that look.

And perhaps that girl's issue was not with you personally, but a correction of her BF who spends too much time ogling other women. So it's not always about you, but about what is going on with other people so you can't take anything people say too seriously or to heart.

Your best bet is to just ignore it or joke it off. You'll miss the attention soon enough when you get older and no longer get attention for your looks, so just consider it the price you pay for being young and looking good, which won't last forever regardless. So enjoy looking good, and ignore what other people think of you and just do what pleases yourself.

And if someone else's BF is focusing on your looks, then take that as a sign you should shut him down rather than flirt with him. Girls won't resent your looks so much if they know you won't try to use them to entice their BFs away. And if your good looking brother is in a bar, he shouldn't be chatting up other men's GFs too much either. And you can't take that situation too seriously either, because plenty of drunken men in bars look for all kinds of reasons to pick fights because they have too much testosteron and liquor and no commomn sense.

Some people think I am handsome and some do not. I do not think I am handsome, I have watched myself on video and I do not think I may work for TV, so I would define that as "not handsome". I am just me and I do not care. If they like me, good. If not, that's their problem. There are guys who are better looking than me who face the same whereabouts in life, so I think being handsome or not is just a cultural thing as well as a matter of taste.

Having a girl turning her eyes on me does not make me "good looking" (in my eyes), it is just that she likes me for whatever reason. It happens to "good looking" and "not so good looking" people. I do not see a boundary between both. Else, only good looking people would be married.

 

And if someone else's BF is focusing on your looks, then take that as a sign you should shut him down rather than flirt with him. Girls won't resent your looks so much if they know you won't try to use them to entice their BFs away. .

I agree with your whole post.

This bit is interesting because I hve been in a few.situations like this where the girlfriend acts all nervous and insecure and when I sense this, I back down, I shrink into the background to give them some light. Whilst this sounds commendable, its really unfair.

If a person feels.threatened because a person knows more about a particular subject or there bf. comments on their shoes or hair do then they have A Lot to deal with in terms of self esteem.

I would.never ever, never flirt with another woman's man deliberately.

Sometimes I ask myself why succumb to another persons insecurity, its like I'm meant to apologize for being me.

Concerning my bro, apparently the girl came onto him, he shrugged it off. Then enter her.boyfriend.wanting to.pick a fight but as you said it was a typical night out in a booze filled club so I guess these things are commonplace.

Thanks for your input.

Some people think I am handsome and some do not. I do not think I am handsome, I have watched myself on video and I do not think I may work for TV, so I would define that as "not handsome". I am just me and I do not care. If they like me, good. If not, that's their problem. There are guys who are better looking than me who face the same whereabouts in life, so I think being handsome or not is just a cultural thing as well as a matter of taste.

 

Having a girl turning her eyes on me does not make me "good looking" (in my eyes), it is just that she likes me for whatever reason. It happens to "good looking" and "not so good looking" people. I do not se

 

e a boundary between both. Else, only good looking people would be married.

Think I should've used another word in my title than 'good looking'.

Really I mean the whole package. Like an air of charisma, oozing a quiet confidence, kind, respectful, easy going...character triaits that I have, so why do certain people find this an issue?

Ok I've vented enough. Don't want to dwell on this for too long.

Thanks for all your input.

People are just competitive. It happened to me too. It happens when you are well off. Oh and those guy friends, they aren't friends, they are just hoping one day you'll shag them.

Don't worry about other people. They are just jack bleeps. Besides one day you'll be old and wrinkly and nobody will be looking.

People are just competitive. It happened to me too. It happens when you are well off. Oh and those guy friends, they aren't friends, they are just hoping one day you'll shag them.

 

Don't worry about other people. They are just jack bleeps. Besides one day you'll be old and wrinkly and nobody will be looking.

Haha I like that post!

Lifes too short just live and be happy in it.

But do you really think men cant be genuinely friends with women? That would suck as I really like male company, since being a likkle tom boy when i was a kid.

Haha I like that post!

 

Lifes too short just live and be happy in it.

 

But do you really think men cant be genuinely friends with women? That would suck as I really like male company, since being a likkle tom boy when i was a kid.

nope men can't be friends. I used to think I had male friends too back then lol. gain about 25kg and see how many stick around. lol

just have fun and enjoy your life.

This is going to sound kind of self centered but i consider myself an Alpha. When you are an Alpha people react to you. I take no offense if someone tries to upstage me cause they are doing it because of me. I put up boundaries so people i don't want to communicate don't waste my time. And if sometimes people are aggressive torwards me i put them in their place. Its like being a lion tamer you have to know when to use a whip or reward, know when to allow them to be center, know when its time to take charge.

It could be that they are jealous. It could be that you're looking too much into things. But it could also be a form of self-serving bias. Self serving bias is a human tendency to characterize their own success and the refusal of taking responsibility for failure. This may apply to how you feel about your looks and how you think other people(women) perceive your looks. If you feel a woman does not like you, you may tell yourself "she does not like because she is jealous of how I look and just wishes she looks like me". When in fact the woman may not like you because of personality or she may just simply not have noticed anything about you, therefore does not express anything towards you. However, you twist reality for your own self esteem.

Now I'm not saying this may be your case as I don't know you, but one thing I did notice from your post is you take a lot pride in your appearance which may take a lot of work to achieve. And when someone doesn't express the response from your looks that you expect it may bring up the possibility that you think it's not because of you but rather that person with the problem.

In my opinion I would stop trying to read too much into what people think. Just be yourself, be happy and don't worry about what other people think about you.

I think many people were raised with 'it's what's on the inside that counts' and think of vanity as a negative trait, which doesn't mesh well at all with people interested in fashion and their appearance. I don't think it's jealously, but just a big difference in values. Sort of like how much of the US sees LA.

But do you really think men cant be genuinely friends with women? That would suck as I really like male company, since being a likkle tom boy when i was a kid.

I wouldn't take SarahRose's opinion as gospel. That's just her experience. I know men and women can be friends.

I know they can because I'm good friends with several women. Don't want to "shag" any of them.

WHAT OF IT?

I think many people were raised with 'it's what's on the inside that counts' and think of vanity as a negative trait, which doesn't mesh well at all with people interested in fashion and their appearance. I don't think it's jealously, but just a big difference in values. Sort of like how much of the US sees LA.

Yes I get what you mean, good point. Well I'm beginning to realise its not really about looks and its reassuring, wouldn't want to be hated for something as shallow as looks which just waste away anyway.

I so agree about the difference in values but I think acting the way this particular girl did was a bit sad really, but anyway that's really her problem. I've had one ex of mine comment on one of my friends looks infront of me and it didn't bother me in the slightest. Hell I thought she looked good and more for it.