My girlfriend annoys me

So I really don't want to be a jerk, because my girlfriend is really the sweetest girl alive. I have been living with her for about 1.5 years now...and I haven't really been happy for most of it. In fact, I get pretty snippy with her and am very irritable often. This whole time I have pretty much chalked it all up to me and my own problems and stresses-I am in professional school and it's a really tough program, plus I already have some anxiety issues aside from my outside stress. But this week I have been away from her visiting my parents, and after talking to her on the phone tonight I have kind of come to an epiphany---this girl that is really really sweet and cares about me more than anything annoys me more than anything. within seconds of tlaking to her on the phone I had reverted back to my usual crabby irritable self.

Time to break up you think? Let me know if anyone can share a little perspective here.

What exactly annoys you? This could be something you can work through with communication.

Do you spent time with her every day? I see you are living with her. But do you spend time with her?

I think you're itching to date someone new. LOL Sounds like my first ex. For you to be irritable towards her if she has been good to you? I think you are falling for someone else. Yes the greens.

Yea break up with her. Just don't go back to her when you realize you want her back.

Don't lead her on. She will despise you. Friendship is out of the question.

Good luck.

agreed. she may be sweet and wonderful but something about how she is communicating with you is not working for you. what is annoying you about her exactly? boring? negative? needy? clingy? domineering? controlling? i know some lovely people but once these traits show it can really hurt your feelings towards this person.

We don't communicate well. Actually, she is either doing one of several things: 1. babytalking. not even necessarily to me, but about everything which kind of freaks me out. I've talked to her about this. Little things like saying "i need to go potty" in a little girl voice instead of just saying "i need to go to the bathroom" in a woman voice like a normal person. 2. speaking super softly and slowly in a semi depressed tone. It depresses me. I'm already a bit prone to the melancholy disposition as it is. This kills me. 3. Never wanting to do anything on her own, or have her own ideas. It is always my say so on what we do. If we go out, it is because of me. 4. A general disconnect in our communication. I like to joke around and have a fairly quick witted conversation. I am pretty sarcastic, but always jokingly. She either never understands my sarcasm, or can't even come close to almost keeping up with me in a conversation. This is not to say she is stupid, because she isn't. She is just....slow. And, although I may catch some flack for this one, very blond in many ways. I sometimes can't believe the things that come out of her mouth.

Again, my confusion here stems from the fact that she is so devoted to me. She wants the best for me and I know I can always count on her to do whatever she can for me. And vice versa. However, the one thing I can't count on her for is having an intelligent, fun conversation 90% of the time. This is a pretty big deal. Plus, I live with her, and yes we spend a lot of time together every day. A had already noticed all of this stuff, except I thought it was just me having some sort of man PMS episode---except my episodes jsut happen to be every other day or so.

Am I an * * * * * * * ? Or do we just not gel like I thought (or hoped) we would?

Also-I do not have eyes for anyone else, that is for sure. I hardly ever even make it out with my classmates like a normal person. If I did, I would definitely break up with her before that got to be an issue. Cheating is not my style.

Also-I do not have eyes for anyone else, that is for sure. I hardly ever even make it out with my classmates like a normal person. If I did, I would definitely break up with her before that got to be an issue. Cheating is not my style.

Never say never.

You already know what you'e gonna do.

Go break up with her.

Ha...I really wish you were wrong. You kind of have me pegged. Have you ever broken up with someone you live with?

Ha...I really wish you were wrong. You kind of have me pegged. Have you ever broken up with someone you live with?

Ha ha, ;] wouldn't you like to know?

Twice. But she was my roommate.

I don't know how I always transform my roommate into a lesbian.

thing with relationships is that they are a two way street. its great that she is devoted and loves you but its necessary that you feel that way too.

perhaps the relationship has just run its course. it sounds like it worked for you at one time when perhaps your needs were different. now your needs have changed and .... you just don't love her AS A PARTNER SHOULD. your choice? stick with her, communicate the difficulties and try to get through it OR break up and move onto a new chapter in your life... without her.

well if/when i break up with this girl i may make her a man hater. she is going to be pretty broken up about this. so...find a new place now? break up with her first? this is a brand new pile o' s*** for me...if anyone knows some ground rules on this one that would be grrreeeeaaaattttt.

thanks for the insight....much appreciated. So...talking to someone about communication problems sort of seems to me like asking them to change the way they do things on a daily basis. Asking someone to change the way they converse is a pretty steep order-does that maybe fall under the 'trying to change someone' category?

well if/when i break up with this girl i may make her a man hater. she is going to be pretty broken up about this. so...find a new place now? break up with her first? this is a brand new pile o' s*** for me...if anyone knows some ground rules on this one that would be grrreeeeaaaattttt.

Ha ha man hater woman hater whatever.

Who wouldn't be?

But it's okay. SHE'LL find someone else. So will you.

First, break up with her. So she can figure out what to do.

If you do VICE VERSA, she will be the one paying the FULL entire rent AND bills due to you CHECKING OUT and MOVING OUT by PLANNING OUT way ahead. Not a nice rabbit.

COMMUNICATE with her that you want to end the relationship. If she ask why, tell her the truth.

Don't be like "i don't feel like it anymore." Be honest, so she can learn from her behaviors that cause people to act like that.

definitely organize a place to stay first. there is nothing more horrid then living with an ex. be kind , be compassionate but be firm. and before all this....... be sure! because you can't just step in and out, it wouldn't be fair. she won't be a man hater, she will get past it eventually and move on and you have to know that, that is life.

definitely organize a place to stay first. there is nothing more horrid then living with an ex. be kind , be compassionate but be firm. and before all this....... be sure! because you can't just step in and out, it wouldn't be fair. she won't be a man hater, she will get past it eventually and move on and you have to know that, that is life.

I disagree. You have to let the other person know as well. It's not fair if she HAS TO PAY THE FULL RENT and BILLS without knowing the dumper already got a place to stay when she can find a cheaper place to stay as well.

seeker and charity-good stuff. Much appreciated perspective. Thanks

seeker and charity-good stuff. Much appreciated perspective. Thanks

Sometimes you got to be in the other persons' shoes.

For example, you should of ask yourself "If I were going to be dump by my girlfriend, would i want her to let me know she wants to end the relationship because she baby talks blah blah blah, that she is also finding a place to stay and move out?"

If that answer IS HELL YEA so YOU DON'T PAY FULL RENT AND BILLS, then PLEASE let her know.

Playing "I'm a nice person and polite" is so overrated and phony. Get to the darn point.

Good luck.

ok-solution to this maybe...our lease isn't officially done until August 1. So what if I found a new place to start leasing in a couple of months, then sucked up the month or two overlap of paying for both places but moved out ASAP? The only issues with this will be 1. I'm POOR. 2. I'm a busy student, moving soon could take a chunk out of study time I can't afford much to lose and 3. I'm POOOOOOR.

But still, being even more poor sounds better to me than either living with this girl after having broken up with her for several months, or moving out right away and completely screwing her over. That wouldn't really work anyway though, because the rent is in both of our names.

he has to figure something out. i have been in a situation where i lived with my bf and we broke up and we HAD to live together another 3 weeks. its bad enough falling to pieces over a break up, without having to do it in front of him. its a horrible situation, awkward and very emotionally draining. you will literally be nervous in your own home.

he may decide to give her money towards the rent , bills for another month seeing as it is his decision to leave the relationship.

one thing is for sure-no matter how good an idea my dumb brain tells me it is-I will not live with another girl until we're engaged...or maybe just married. this is going to blow

ok-solution to this maybe...our lease isn't officially done until August 1. So what if I found a new place to start leasing in a couple of months, then sucked up the month or two overlap of paying for both places but moved out ASAP? The only issues with this will be 1. I'm POOR. 2. I'm a busy student, moving soon could take a chunk out of study time I can't afford much to lose and 3. I'm POOOOOOR.

 

But still, being even more poor sounds better to me than either living with this girl after having broken up with her for several months, or moving out right away and completely screwing her over. That wouldn't really work anyway though, because the rent is in both of our names.

Why did you two both decide to move in the first place?

Til August 1?

If I were you I stay at the place til Aug 1. BE CIVIL with her.

Besides we haven't heard from her side what she is going to do once you tell her.

Yea see that's the thing when you live together.

If you LEFT, she would be PAYING FULL. What the heck does she do?

I'm pretty sure she doesn't sit there and look pretty at home.

he has to figure something out. i have been in a situation where i lived with my bf and we broke up and we HAD to live together another 3 weeks. its bad enough falling to pieces over a break up, without having to do it in front of him. its a horrible situation, awkward and very emotionally draining. you will literally be nervous in your own home.

he may decide to give her money towards the rent , bills for another month seeing as it is his decision to leave the relationship.

That's so stupid. I'm sorry. Just because you broke up with the person, and can't act civil til the lease over just shows you are not behind your decision 100%.

If you are 100% broken up, you would not feel like that. You probably feel bad but you wanted to end. The other person can learn how to do deal with your decision. It's call growing up.

HE'S A POOR GRADUATE STUDENT.

That means he needs to come up with $3000 at least. I don't know where he lives, or what city. But paying for both rents plus utilities, and FOOD and water and whatever else he needs is going to cost that much. Not only that he would need to pay for security rent as well.

So, OP, suck it up. Break up. Deal with it. Stand by your decision. It's her call whether or not she wants to stay with you til the rent or whatever.

Communicate how you guys are going to deal with the lease.

Come on you're educated you should know how to communicate. If you didn't, I totally get it. But still have some common sense and stand up for yourself.

thanks for the insight....much appreciated. So...talking to someone about communication problems sort of seems to me like asking them to change the way they do things on a daily basis. Asking someone to change the way they converse is a pretty steep order-does that maybe fall under the 'trying to change someone' category?

Changing speech patterns isn't a big deal for most couples. "No baby talk" is about as hard as "stop swearing" or "no l33tsp34k while texting." But I think you guys' problems may be deeper than that.

well if/when i break up with this girl i may make her a man hater. she is going to be pretty broken up about this. so...find a new place now? break up with her first? this is a brand new pile o' s*** for me...if anyone knows some ground rules on this one that would be grrreeeeaaaattttt.

If you're absolutely sure of your intentions, I would simply tell her that "the relationship is no longer working," and you're making plans to move out.

The only "ground rules" are to be kind, as well as treating her in the same way you'd like to be treated if you were in her shoes.

Changing speech patterns isn't a big deal for most couples. "No baby talk" is about as hard as "stop swearing" or "no l33tsp34k while texting." But I think you guys' problems may be deeper than that.

LOL That's what I think but apparently I haven't sat there to observe their relationship like a mad scientist.

She may sit there and look pretty for a while. She isn't so great at making stands or changing things on her own. I think she may be a little bit depressed? It's tough to tell with her sometimes. She has a a lot of issues going on with her family (parents divorcing because her dad is a cheating * * * * * * * ...mom who can't stand on her own two feet because she is extremely apathetic. It's a mess. Not to mention I'm afraid she is exactly the same as her mom) We moved in together in the first place for the wrong reasons really. Mostly financial. Sure we really really liked each other, but it was too fast. Hindsight is always blah blah blah balhjuOIH RKUAEHB. Guess I could have listened to just about everyone's advice?

Breaking up with her will be like kicking a puppy. She doesn't have a lot of confidence to sail away on.