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I need some advice about my situation


Anusha

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Hi all,it have been a while since I last posted.Anyway my situation with that guy from my last posts became a bit complicated.It turned out that his "aunt" was actualy his wife like some of you suspected.My parents found that out when investigating him(cause they thought he was exploting me for money) and told me.I talked to him and he confessed and he apologized saying he just hided it cause he didnt want to lose me.By then I had fall so deep for him already that I just acepted it(stupid I know but I couldnt help it)

 

My parents threatned to tell it all to his wife if he didnt stop seeing me and since he didnt,they told her.Things got a bit shaky between us after that and we stoped seeing each other for about a month(even though he would call me once a week).After that time we started going out again but it was very complicated to hide cause my parents had got together with his wife to watch us,so every time she suspected that he was with me she would call my parents and ask if I was home and vive versa.The last time we meet his wife caught us.She got his mobile when he went to shower and saw his call to me.She got really angry and called me(I didnt answer) and texted me too.

 

About 2 days later she called again and I answered this time.I denied that I was with him and I said that indeed he had called me but it was just to wish happy birthday(it was my birthday that day) but said that I havent meet him and that I was out with my friends.She didnt seem to believe much and even said I could have him and for me to help her to take him out from the house.The week after all that he was all weird with me,he wouldnt call me like he used to and when I called he seemed on a rush to hang up.He said it was because of all that happened but I said there was other ways he could contact me without risking to be caught again like from a paid phone,lend somebodies mobile or even call my other number that his wife didnt know.

 

He came with all kind of excuses like saying there was no paid phone near his work or that he didnt know my other number(!!!!).I had gave the number to him about a month before so how he didnt have it I dont know.He even told me to not call him anymore besides the day of our next date(what would be a week or more later yet).I didnt like all that and felt like he was playing with me.So the following week I decided to call his wife and tell the whole true.I tried calling him first let him know what I was about to do and explain why but his mobile was of.What made me think even more that he was avoiding me since that was the day we usualy called(and I dont think his batery was of or anything like that either cause it stayed of pretty much all day).

 

Anyway I called his wife I told her we had meet on my birthday and some of his other lies(like that he lies the time he leaves work,that he hints on other girls,that he went out with other girls besides me and so on).She then said "Why just now you decided to tell it all? He dumped you is that it?" So as you can see the whole thing backfired and I end up helping him instead cause now she thinks he dumped me she probably will forgive him and give him another chance.Plus a while later I started to get some few ofensive texts that later on I found out was from her sister's mobile,so instead of geting angry at him she got angry at ME.

 

Anyway now that some time had passed and my anger had went down a litle,I have tried to contact him to explain why I did all that but he wont answer.His main number is always of(what makes me think that he doesnt use it anymore) and when I call on his other number he wont answer.I tried texting too but got nothing back.I might confess that I have felt a litle guilty for what I have done(althought I think he deserved for playing me) and I kept second guessing myself about he playing me the week after his wife caught us.What if he really was like that because of all that happened and I just got it all wrong? All I wanted was to be able to talk to him to ask all that Im wondering about and explain why I did all that but like I said he wont answer.What you all think I should do?

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Thanks all for the replies.Yes I have considerated therapy,actualy Im doing it once a week for about 3 months now.It have been really hard to let go,I keep thinking about him and replaying this whole situation on my head all the time.Sometimes I get to the conclusion that he just doesnt care,others I wonder if maybe I wasnt too hasty and got things all wrong.What you all think about the way he was acting on the week after his wife caught us? Was I right to think that he was playing me?

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You were a toy, an amusement, an object, a money machine, for him. He never considered you a person with feelings. You were easily discarded. Find a nice, single man who will love you. There is a lot about you to love. First, you have to learn to love yourself. Get going, girl!

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"When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behaviour/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go." ~ Lavenderdove ~

 

So it turns out that he is married. Yet the only reaction to this revelation and final proof that he is taking advantage of you doesn't seem to phase you one bit. Instead you are still trying to overanalyze one randam action of his instead of looking at the bigger picture.

 

Please stay away from him and work with your therapist to improve your feelings of self worth

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That is how I fell too,I was just a distraction from his marriage when he was bored or stressed with it.Besides a money machine when he needed some money.

 

I hope you have a lot more money now that you are not dating him. Please take that money and invest it in more and more therapy. this man is a scum bag. Don't let yourself get sucked into another "relationship" like this again! Telling you about some "aunt" while you are handing him all your money. Hmpf!! I hope your parents are keeping a close eye on you.

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Anusha! I have been wondering what happened to you and posted on your old thread looking for you. I am glad to see you are alive and well, but not glad to hear that your Ex was indeed a sumbag. But we all knew that, even you knew deep down inside.

 

I am also glad to hear you are in therapy because you are taking the right steps working towards a healthier you. And I'm not sure if you realize this now or not, but you have some great parents! Kudos to them for getting involved and stopping that user you were with, but it's time you take better control of your own life by making healthier decisions for yourself.

 

Forget that loser. He isn't even worth a thought in your head anymore.

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And when I say that he was playing me I dont mean by being with me even being married.I mean the way he behaved after his wife caught us

 

I don't want to sound mean, but your statement is so delusional. You are expecting loyalty from a man..... who is not even showing his own WIFE loyalty and devotion? huh? She is the person he promised his love and fidelity to. He is not giving it to her, so why do you expect him to give it to you? He made no such promises to you, ever.

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And when I say that he was playing me I dont mean by being with me even being married.I mean the way he behaved after his wife caught us by not calling,seeming on a rush to hang up when I called and coming with all kind of excuses to not contact me.If he wanted out (like it seemed to me),he should just say so instead of keep playing games.

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And when I say that he was playing me I dont mean by being with me even being married.I mean the way he behaved after his wife caught us by not calling,seeming on a rush to hang up when I called and coming with all kind of excuses to not contact me.If he wanted out (like it seemed to me),he should just say so instead of keep playing games.

 

Why do you think so little of yourself that you would want to continue dating a married man, after he has treated you like a cash machine, after he's stopped answering your phone calls?? After ALL of that, you still want him??

 

I mean, the writing is on the wall, in front of you, clear as day. Why don't you get it?

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He doesnt give a damn about me,I know what you mean.But is really hard to acept that,specialy after all I have done for him.

 

you have to realize that men and women are different. Women might fall in love with a man who takes her on nice dates, buys her presents, and dotes on her. Men aren't like that. If you do that for a man, he just sees you as his meal ticket, not as a woman he respects or loves.

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I guess I just have to look to the bigger picture like penelope said,the fact is that he is married and using me for money so this relationship was doomed.What he was up to the week after we got caught really doesnt matter so is better I try to forget about it.And you are right annie24,he saw me as his meal ticket and nothing more.

 

And I know isnt my problem but Im just really pissed with his wife behaviour.I mean seriously,I told her the guy cheated on her(several times I might add) and lied to her and all she does is get angry at ME? She has no right to complain if he cheats on her again in my opinion after that.Dont get me wrong,I do feel bad for her but she is enabling his behaviour.

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ummmm..... I actually think that YOU were the one enabling the behavior by continuing to carry on with him after you learned he was married!

 

Sure and I dont denie my part on that.But I wasnt the first girl he cheats on her with (according what he told me and I know from other girls that worked with us,Im number 6 or so even) and knowing how he is I doubt I will be the last one either.And she knows all that now but choses to continue with him anyway.

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Sure and I dont denie my part on that.But I wasnt the first girl he cheats on her with (according what he told me and I know from other girls that worked with us,Im number 6 or so even) and knowing how he is I doubt I will be the last one either.And she knows all that now but choses to continue with him anyway.

 

Well, that is a problem that his wife needs to deal with. I'm sure she could use a lot of counseling and therapy herself. People choose to stay for all sorts of reasons - saving face, religious reasons, etc.... It doesn't matter though - YOU are not married to him, so you are free to go off and find a man who loves you, is single and is good to you (and doesn't use you like the cash machine!!!)

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You have no idea what she knows. You do know what you know -that you are involved with a married man. Is there a reason you despise yourself so much that you would willingly be in a situation like this (including giving him money)? Try and figure that out before you hurt yourself and others more, ok? Focusing on your "anger" against her for staying married is simply a way to hide your head in the sand and make excuses so you can continue this behavior.

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