Guys, tread carefully!

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I know and know of women who have behaved in this way. So unfair to both the father and the child. The 42% statistic seems inflated.

That's why you flush the condom and take a shower immediately after.

This is the most despicable type of behavior.

I don't believe it is 42%. It is like saying 42% of men secretly want to force women to have sex. I don't know any women like this personally.

This always worried me. I never trusted women if they said they were on the pill. I remember one girl told me she had something in her vagina that stops her from getting seamen entering her. I hate to be graphic, but i literally went hunting in there to see if she was either b'sing, or just crazy, lol. I just put a condom on and told her that i didnt trust whatever she had in there.

But, when it comes to girlfriends, they have all the potential to be my wife and mother of my child. I cant see me not seeing that in someone i am with. I was always ready to take that step with all girlfriends.

Guys can be just as screwy as women, so i advise women to be just as careful. I know men who "trapped" women this way, they are very vile, and i cant stand men like that. There was this one guy, and i just knew he was the type to poke holes in the condom (and there were rumors that he did that exact thing), every time i saw him i just wanted to kick him. There were guys that trap women and then end up thinking they own them. I had an ex like that, who had a babyfather that would just release inside of her and not tell her or deny it???- the damage was done and she was preggo.

^ The little thing is called a diaphragm.

Personally as a woman, if some guy told me, " I don't trust you", while having sex, sex would stop right there and he would be going home. We would also never have sex again. I would never be so desperate for sex that I would have it with someone who did not trust me. It is beyond me how people have relationships with these people they do not trust. Really, what woman has so little respect for herself that she has sex with a man who does not trust her? Conversely what man has so little respect for himself that he has sex with a woman he does not trust? And people wonder why relationships don't work?? They might if actually got to know a person before they hopped into bed.

All that tells me is that they care more about an orgasm than they do about self respect.

Personally as a woman, if some guy told me, " I don't trust you", while having sex, sex would stop right there and he would be going home. We would also never have sex again. I would never be so desperate for sex that I would have it with someone who did not trust me. It is beyond me how people have relationships with these people they do not trust.

I thought the same too. If you are not ready for sex or the potential consequence of being a parent, then don't have sex. It's that simple.

So when is a woman most likely to become a sperm-snatcher? If her career is not panning out exactly as she thought it would. If she is 37 or over and childless. If she worries the man might walk out on her. I believe these are the women who are most likely to be panicked into making the decision to get pregnant in whatever way they can.

Interesting insight from the article to watch out for. Although I don't agree with the career part because of loss of benefits and companies coming up with ways to lay off.

Anyone who totally trusts another person over birth control is incredibly naive and I would be doubly suspicious of the motives of someone who was indignant about it.

Any man who discounts the 42% figure is also setting themselves up for disillusionment as well.

Another aspect of this issue is here: link removed

^ But who has sex with someone they do not trust? Really? If someone told me that they could go have a relationship with someone else. Why be suspicious of someone who says, " please hit the road." There is nothing wrong with covering your own birth control which I agree with. If a guy is nervous about a girl getting pregnant because birth control is not 100% effective, yes, by all means also use your own method. Nothing to be indignant about. But to tell someone I am using my own birth control method because I do not trust YOU to use birth control. Then no, there will be no sex and no relationship because there can be no relationship without trust and if someone has the NERVE to say that and still want sex, there is something wrong with them, and it is called no self respect or respect for the person they are in a relationship with and they should back up that relationship out of the bed room. People should never have sex with someone they don't trust.

There is a BIG difference between not trust a birth control method and not trusting the person you are in bed with. If you are in bed with someone you do not trust you are making a mistake and subverting your own self respect and you should not be with that person.

But who has sex with someone they do not trust?

Victoria, you have a son - when he is older are you really going to advise him to allow a woman he sleeps with to be in sole charge of birth-control because he should trust anyone with whom he sleeps?

I don't know but I personally would never be that desperate to have sex with someone who chose to say I do not trust YOU, than just using birth control because they feel two forms of control is better and more effective. I would be all for that. I can tell I would never in this life time ever be desperate enough to have sex with a man who said he did not trust me.

Did you see my post asking what advice you will give your son?

Victoria, you have a son - when he is older are you really going to advise him to allow a woman he sleeps with to be in sole charge of birth-control because he should trust anyone with whom he sleeps?

I would ask him that he finds a woman he trusts and loves with his heart and soul and intends to marry or is married to before he sleeps with her. I would tell him if he does not trust her then she is not the right woman and nor should he be in bed with her for it is wrong. If he plans on sleep with someone and he feels that two birth control methods are more effective I would support that. However I not tell him, " yup just wear a condom but don't worry about having trust with the person." To me that is profound lack of self respect and respect for the other person whom you supposedly have a strong enough relationship to get into bed with. Mind you I think people hop into bed all too frequently without knowing ANYTHING about the person they are in bed with and really who would trust either person like that. My son currently believes sex is for marriage.

I think you should seriously rethink that otherwise you could find yourself a grandmother in circumstances that you would not have chosen.

It would be nice to think that men and women were all trustworthy or even most, and that no one ever deceives any one else over matters like this - but that would be incredibly naive in the face of the real world. I hope your husband gives your son more realistic advice.

People have been married for 20 years and then found out they didn't really know their spouse. Trust, in the absolute, is an apparition.

I've heard a lot of women talk about accidentally getting pregnant. The ones that genuinely want to avoid it...they look stressed and freaked out by the idea. But the others? They're talking about how horrible/complicated it would be, but their eyes light up, they can't hide their (huge) smiles, and they sound like they're talking about going on a vacation to Hawaii.

Just going anecdotally, a lot of "oops" pregnancies seem awfully convenient. Suddenly, boyfriends that have been reluctant for years have to propose, new places are necessary ("Well, two bedrooms isn't enough, now--we'll have to buy a house!"), they have to quit jobs that they've been complaining about more and more, etc.

This is not a gender issue. When anyone has power of any sort, a percentage will give in and use that power to get what they want.

People have been married for 20 years and then found out they didn't really know their spouse. Trust, in the absolute, is an apparition.

Agreed. On a somewhat related note: given the money involved in child-support, I'd love to keep DNA records of all babies--just get a sample when they're first born. I've heard that the, um, "inaccurate paternity" rate is around ten percent, but I'm dying to know what that number really is. I believe a state recently blocked a law that would have brought that about, as they feared that the truth would be chaotic.

Agreed. On a somewhat related note: given the money involved in child-support, I'd love to keep DNA records of all babies--just get a sample when they're first born. I've heard that the, um, "inaccurate paternity" rate is around ten percent, but I'm dying to know what that number really is. I believe a state recently blocked a law that would have brought that about, as they feared that the truth would be chaotic.

I quoted this above but here it is again: link removed

Holy crap. That's what I get for not clicking on a link. That...that has to be an outlier, doesn't it? Even my cynical self doesn't think it could be above forty percent or so...

Well, that's only where people have asked for a test, it didn't test everyone.

I think it's horrible that some women do this... but if my husband told me he didn't trust that I was on the pill, I'd be FURIOUS. By saying that, he'd be saying that I'm a liar, selfish, lazy, and don't care about his dreams. I don't need to be with someone who thinks I'm all those things. It'd be like me requiring condom use because I can't be sure he's not cheating on me.

It'd be different if we were in a short-term relationship or not a relationship at all, and I definitely think guys should be wary in those cases. But if you don't trust your long-term partner... then birth control is just a band-aid to a bigger underlying issue.

OK, but because all my first sexual experiences in the first 20 years of my life were by MEN raping me I am going to make the assumption NO man is to be trusted and that all men are rapists. Seems a fair assumption and even.