Would you try for another pregnancy if you had more than two miscarriages?

Under what circumstances would you consider trying for another pregnancy if you had more than two miscarriages?

I wouldn't try after second one. I would get surrogate..

I'd have a few questions before conclusively answering... or that I'd need to consider, I guess.

Are the miscarriages putting you at personal health risk? (IE, losing so much blood each time you need to be hospitalized, doctor is advising against trying, etc.)

Do you know the reasons for the miscarriages?

How far along are they occurring? (6 wks, 12 wks, 6 months... )

Have there been any tubal pregnancies?

How close together did they (the unfinished pregnancies) occur?

I have had 3 early ones 8 weeks or earlier, and one at 16 weeks caused by subchrioronic bleed and placental detachment. I have one living child who was my first pregnancy. During his birth I suffered a severe hemorrhage.

I think I would probably make the decision not to try, until I found out from a doctor that I could likely again have a viable pregnancy.

Well no dr would ever agree with me now as I am 45, but would others go on if they were younger? Say in their 20's or 30's?

My answer would be the same for a 20 or 30 year old. I know how gut-wrenching a miscarriage is, and how emotionally/mentally damaging repeated occurrences can be.

But... that's just me.

We have family friends who had a few miscarriages and finally got pregnant and ended up having a big family, with a few miscarriages along the way. But they had several in the start. However, they were in their 20s at the time. I think the age here is key. They aren't miscarrying because they are older and not as fertile.

There are genetic reasons for miscarriage too. There are a couple protein complexes in parents that when the 2 peoples' complexes don't "mismatch" (are different from each other), then the risk of miscarriage is actually a lot greater.

I can see why the doctors would be concerned for you, given your age.

Mine is more a structural problem. I have 15 very large fibroids and innumerable small ones. They told me they can not even map them all. There is only one space in my uterus that is free of them, on the upper left hand side.

Oh, fibroids. I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, just to clarify my answer, I think it also depends on WHY the miscarriages are happening, or at least you being able to narrow down the cause. Age? Fibroids? Endometriosis or PCOS? Genetics problems between you and your partner? Stress? Just BAD luck?

I personally think after several miscarriages, I would just stop. I think many women would too. Miscarriages are so hard on a relationship and the psyche, even years after the fact, even if a child is conceived. Is it worth that pain? Hard to know.

I am not sure that if i were your age and had the medical issues i would keep trying... i wouldn't do anything to stop it, but i wouldn't keep making it a goal because of the potential disappointment... if it happens, great, but if not, then that would not be surprising either considering the hurdles you have there.

The trick in life is to focus on the good things you have on many fronts and to try to live your life as fully as possible... that could mean another child, but the likelihood is small and you shouldn't pin all your hopes/attentions/expectations there...

I don't think your issue per se is the number of miscarriages, but that your particular situation makes carrying a baby to term very difficult and if you are actively trying at 45, even if had no other complicating factors it would be difficult. And if a miscarriage would mess with your head too much, then perhaps you might want to instead put your efforts into other ways to make your life happy and fulfilled.

btw, i've heard that trying to complete a pregnancy when you have lots of fibroids (and large ones) is like trying to plant a seed on very rocky soil... even if the baby takes hold for awhile, it eventually grows to a stage where the fetus is essentially starved out because of the presence of fibroids and the inability of the placenta to grow sufficiently to feed the growing baby. So I would also talk to your doctor, because you might be setting yourself up for a lot more disappointment if he thinks your particular situation will more likely than not be more miscarriages rather than a successful pregnancy.

Hey Fudgie, Yes, it is hard on my psyche I know that. It IS hard on people's relationships. If the relationship is weak it can and sometimes does fail. It is hard for sure you have the heart to keep going. I know every time I got pregnant I was terrified.

Oh no, I am not actively trying, but I do not prevent either. If it happens ok, if not ok too.

btw, i've heard that trying to complete a pregnancy when you have lots of fibroids (and large ones) is like trying to plant a seed on very rocky soil... even if the baby takes hold for awhile, it eventually grows to a stage where the fetus is essentially starved out because of the presence of fibroids and the inability of the placenta to grow sufficiently to feed the growing baby. So I would also talk to your doctor, because you might be setting yourself up for a lot more disappointment if he thinks your particular situation will more likely than not be more miscarriages rather than a successful pregnancy.

Yes, that almost happened to my son who is alive. He was small because of that situation, but he was full term. My pregnancy that ended at 16 weeks he died due to that issue, his placenta detached.

Vic, the family friend I mentioned...she went on to have a big family with her husband, like 6 kids. She still cried about the lost babies and it made her really sad, even though she had the family that she wanted in terms of numbers. Stuff like that just doesn't go away, even though miscarriage happens quite often for reasons that we don't always know.

Vic, the family friend I mentioned...she went on to have a big family with her husband, like 6 kids. She still cried about the lost babies and it made her really sad, even though she had the family that she wanted in terms of numbers. Stuff like that just doesn't go away, even though miscarriage happens quite often for reasons that we don't always know.

 

This is true. I still lament my lost little ones. They are always in my heart and I still cry.

Yes, I would. I have not have a M/C, however, I honestly put that down to luck. I have several healthy friends who have had 1 or more miscarriages and went on to have healthy babies. I mean of course there are other factors but many times they just happen, I think its 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage in their life.

I think it's 1 in every 3 pregnancies actually end in miscarriage, that includes the very early pregnancies that may have ended very early so that the mother may never have known.

That's correct from what I've read. It's about 15-20% of pregnancies where it's obvious you're pregnant - the difference (about 10%-15%) are pregnancies that managed to implant but were never really viable in the first place, so they go when you would next get your period. You'd never know if you weren't using an early pregnancy test.

I wish you were on bc, Vic. I can't say what I would do in your situation, until I've been there. But I do care about you ( as weird as that is, given that I know you only on a forum) and I don't want you to hurt. I know how your heart still breaks for Liam, as well as for the younger one. I remember how your husband did cartwheels down the driveway when he heard you were pregnant last year. I want him to do cartwheels for something that won't end in heartache, and I want you to do cartwheels with him, at least figuratively speaking

I'm not really sure. It's so hard to be able to imagine what that would be like and how I would balance it. I do think about the possibility. I'm sorry you went through those miscarriages and as you know, we're the same age. I think it would depend on when the miscarriage happened and why it happened. My friend, who is also our age, went through a third miscarriage last year (she has one child around 4 years old, and had a miscarriage before he was born) and I think she is approaching it like you -not trying but not using BC. It was so hard on her(and I believe she needed to terminate another pregnancy because of various and very significant defects detected in the amnio. She's so strong. I don't know if I would be as strong. I wish the best for you, whatever that turns out to be.

I don't think I could keep trying, if I had two in a row.

I miscarried once before getting pregnant with my son. I remains one of the worst things I have ever encountered in life both physcially and emotionally.

Two in a row would have taken away all my motivation to ever try again. I'm pretty sure I'd be done.

I can see how some women try again if they miscarry in between healthy pregnancies, because at least they know they can still carry to term and there is hope.

It depends. If the miscarriage was because of a structural or medical condition that the mother would surely die from or was in danger of dying from, then yes, all bets are off, but if the miscarriages were early then I'd definitely try again. If the doctor told me because of X reason I could not carry a baby to term, I wouldn't try again, but if it was just one of those flukes, which do happen, I would try again as soon as I was able.

It would not be something I would wish upon anyone with current strain you have already lived through with those two miscarriages back to back. The medical factors such as age, fibroid, difficult delivery etc... also do not help the cause.