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Going from highly entertaining to highly boring due to different addictions!


Amano Ginji

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Hello everyone,

 

I'll try to keep it as short as possible! Although, this is 10 years of my life I am describing and it covers different issues that I am facing so please bare with me

 

I have gone from being a funny, energetic, outgoing and fun loving guy to a boring, dull and shy guy in the span of a decade!

 

I used to be funny guy back in school and everyone loved my company. I did crazy things all the time. I was so confident about my self, I never thought twice before doing anything. I was nice to everyone around me and I can't think of anyone from school who hated me/hates me. I had a lot of friends and I was a good at studies too.

 

Things started changing in high school. I started playing a lot of computer games whenever I had free time. I got so addicted to playing games that I ended up ditching most of the plans that my friends made. The few times that I met my friends, I would hardly say anything or be interested in anything my friends said or did. I was so addicted to gaming that even when I was around friends, I would think about the gaming sessions I had during the day and I kept thinking of new game strategies all the time. It was truly an addiction, I had lost my self. I had changed forever. With time, friends got used to me not being around and I got used to not caring about anything but games! I din't do well at studies due to this addiction and just managed to get enough marks to pass.

 

By this time my friends had already chosen what college they wanted to go to, I was lost. I did not know what my interests were. Since I was so addicted to gaming, I decided I might as well take up Computer Science so that I can get into game development in the future. The bad marks in high school left me with very few options. I had finally realized my mistake. I wanted to make things right. I decided to go to a college in another city which was not that great, but a cousin who studied there told me that it was the right place for me as I would be in good company. I took his advice and applied for this college. I was accepted, I packed my bags and I was feeling positive about my decision.

 

The next 3 years of my life, I made studies my priority. I quit gaming for good. The college was in the outskirts of the city so my social life was almost non-existent. I was used to being alone in front of the computer for days together when I played games so this did not bother me. A few months went by and a very old friend of mine called me out of no where. She used to be my classmate back in school but disappeared somewhere with her family due to some legal issues and no one knew where she went. She was very pretty and I had a huge crush on her back in school. When she called me, we hit it off instantly, I asked her out a few weeks later and we got into a relationship. Circumstances had turned her into a loner, just like what I had become over the years. I met up with my girlfriend whenever she had the time since she stayed very far and also had a lot of family issues to deal with. I spent all the time I had on studying and meeting my girlfriend. No other friends, no other activities. These were my new found addictions, my girlfriend and my studies. I did go back to my city after each semester examination where I met up with old friends. Things were looking better. I was not confident, funny or entertaining, but I was starting to bond with my friends once again. We were teenagers, all we did was drink and party all the time. This did not bother me as this is what everyone does at that age.

 

I completed my graduation with really good grades. I applied for a very good college in my city for a Masters degree and I was accepted. I was really happy. My friends had applied for colleges in the US and all of them left the country a few days after I was back to my hometown. This bothered me a bit because studying abroad meant better education and better jobs than the ones I would be able to bag. Also, all my friends going to the US meant I would have no one to hangout with in my own city. The past had changed me completely. I ended up spending most of my time studying yet again. I had a new objective in life which was to be more or at least as successful as my friends would be 2 years down the line. I had transformed into the most boring person you could ever meet. I started caring more about what people think of me than what I think of my self.

 

In the second year of my Masters, my girlfriend broke up with me for someone else. The reason she gave was that she could not see a future with me. This really did not make sense to me at all. Letting go was really tough as I was addicted to her! This break-up turned me into an even more depressing person than I already was.

 

Fast forwarding to the present, My friends and me are all working for different companies and we meet up every weekend. I am very comfortable with this group of friends as they have been there for me since the days of my addiction to gaming. We have a lot of fun together. What bothers me now is that they have socialized a lot in the past 10 years and made many new friends. Whenever we meet up on weekends, we go to places where they serve alcohol. My friends and their friends love drinking but I don't like drinking much so I don't drink as much as they all do. The problem here is that whenever these new friends join us, all of them are on a different level compared to me so they dance, they sing and they seem to be having the time of their life while I just sit and watch them. I am not as confident as they are so when anyone asks me to dance, I shy away and tell them I am not much of a dancer. This kills me inside because I want to be like them. I want to be able to have fun without caring what anyone might think. But I have changed. I have become shy and dull. I care about what people will think about me even before I do something.

 

My present addiction is to be very successful. All I keep thinking about is my job. I go out a lot unlike spending most of my time at home as I did in the past, but I always come back home depressed because all I do is sit around and watch my friends have fun.

 

I don't like what I have turned into. I have lost my confidence. I wan't advice on how can I get back to the confident person I used to be a decade back. How can I stop being shy and caring about what people think about me. I don't want to lose my friends. I feel that I am drifting away from the only friends I have because of my addictions!

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