I never told a guy i slept with I had herpes and now he wants to sue me.

I ended up sleeping with this guy i met online but never told him until after that I was diagnosed with a mild herpes reaction. I never planned on us having sex and actually told him "no" about twenty times. I guess I was still in denial about my exposure because i have never had any serious symptoms. I have always told partners in the past and always use protection. We did have oral sex. The only difference this time was that the guy was very careless with me and i ended up with the WORST yeast infection. He put the condom on incorrectly with huge air bubbles in it and kept going despite my dryness and bleeding. I treated it (painfully) with Monistat but still plan on getting tested again for everything. I really thought he could have been a friend but i think now that he only wanted me for sex. Now he has threatened to tell my family my diagnoses and sue me for damages. Does he have a case??

I think you need to consult a lawyer. He might, depending on where you live. You say he was very very insistent on sex, but it doesn't sound like he raped you. Nor did you tell him about the herpes, which might have made him stop. I dunno - I think you need to consult a lawyer.

He sure does. You did not disclose that you had herpes and you were not raped.

Sorry, but you're in the wrong here. Why did you not disclose?

Talk to a lawyer. ALWAYS tell people if you have something that could permanently affect their sexual health. It should be made criminal not to. You are not giving someone the chance to protect themselves. That is their right.

I honestly didn't think that it was transferrable (because my exposure was so light) and I always use protection. When I was first exposed, i asked my doctor if this meant that I had herpes. She never gave me an answer so I honestly went on thinking i didn't really have it. I told my last bf that i was exposed to it. We had sex almost everyday and he never got it.

Awesome, good for him - hope justice prevails.

I'm going to counter sue for defamation if he tells my family.

He has a right to do this because you did not make him aware of what you may or may not of had. Counter sue all you like but i dont believe it is defamation when you actually have herpes. Just accept that you were in the wrong and dont counter sue you will look like a fool in court (no offence).

That's not right. I have a right to my privacy. He was careless.

He was careless? Both of you were. You both have a responsibility to be careful when engaging in sexual activity, not just him.

You were diagnosed with a "mild herpes reaction"...those are your words there, not mine. What on earth made it okay for you to not disclose that to your sexual partners?

You're definitely in the wrong here. You knew that you had this diagnosis and yet you never told him. Prepare to pay out, as you should.

Also, it's not "defamation" for him to tell your family about a true condition that you have, he's not making it up. Your family is going to find out anyway when he sues for damages and you'll be in debt trying to pay that off to him

I have always told my sexual partners. I never planned on having sex. He doesn't even know if he actually has it yet. We are both getting tested. I said "mild" because there are different levels of infection.

Whether you planned on having sex or not he still had a right to know. You now have to pay the consequences and in the future tell any guy you are sexually active with about it.

He is reacting entirely reasonably. I agree with Annie that it's time to consult a lawyer.

I'm going to counter sue for defamation if he tells my family.

You'll lose because him telling your family, though embarrassing for you, is not defamation because you actually have herpes.

That's not right. I have a right to my privacy. He was careless.

I don't think you have any legal right to your privacy regarding this issue. When you start infecting unsuspecting people with viruses, your privacy is less important than public health and safety.

you should have told him and that is all there is to it..and you certainly shouldn't have let him give you oral ...not without a special barrier cream to contain the virus.

in reverse it is just the same as receiving oral sex from someone with a cold sore .

herpes simplex is the same genital or facial ..and can be passed to each area with each area.

if he as got this , he has now got this for life .

just like when we have a cold sore ..that's it ..

myself I would prepare for the legal matter but ask him to leave your family out of it ... explain how your didn't realise and your so sorry etc etc etc whatever it takes ...

don't be ashamed of having this ok ... ... but you just wasn't fair to him.

Honestly, I don't think any of us on ENA are well-versed in the legalities of something like this. I don't think anyone on here can give you a realistic assessment of what sort of "case" he has against you, or anything like that.

First things first, you should both get tested. There is an accurate blood test for herpes, so you don't need to wait to see whether lesions appear or not. (Your ex-boyfriend should also get tested, because condoms do not protect against herpes, and herpes is asymptomatic in most people infected with it. Many people infected with herpes never have an outbreak, or have an outbreak so mild that they don't recognize it as an outbreak.)

My guess is that he is having a very strong emotional reaction to the possibility of being infected with herpes (and I don't blame him). I would give him time to calm down before you talk suing and counter-suing. Tell him he should get tested, and get tested yourself if you feel the doctor did not actually give you a formal diagnosis. If he continues to talk lawsuit after that, I would consult a lawyer, but for now I think emotions are running high, and it makes no sense to rush to suing etc when neither of you has even been tested. (Perhaps you should offer to pay for his herpes test, as well).

I just googled "suing someone over getting and std " and loads came up ..have a look ..

I'm going to counter sue for defamation if he tells my family.

I am in the legal field, and you don't have a case if he tells your family. The reason? Because truth is a complete defense to a defamation lawsuit.

I wouldn't acknowledge him. If you start to apologize, you might be admitting guilt. Do not say anything, do not do anything, go straight to a lawyer. Who's to say who gave what to who?

PS: I will not speak to the morality of what you did, because you have already been told it is wrong.

I wouldn't acknowledge him. If you start to apologize, you might be admitting guilt. Do not say anything, do not do anything, go straight to a lawyer. Who's to say who gave what to who?

 

PS: I will not speak to the morality of what you did, because you have already been told it is wrong.

The OP clearly stated she has herpes and the issue is she may have given it to this guy. Are you advocating she lie and play dumb like she didn't do this? Don't you think she needs to take responsibility for what she's done? If not, who should?

I said "mild" because there are different levels of infection.

You either have it or you don't. I dated a guy that had it and he tried to pull this same line on me once I found out (via another girl he was sleeping with that I was unaware of). I threatened a lawsuit also, although I was lucky enough to dodge the bullet and came out uninfected. Its really unfair not to tell the other person and being from the other end (finding out the other person had it), its a complete violation and you know that it isn't curable. You HAVE to let others know with something as serious as this, heat of the moment or not.

I agree that you've been told enough times here how important it is to divulge such information, please just remember that in the future.

Got a lawyer ASAP.

He can sue you and will likely win. Its not defamation unless what he is saying isn't true. Which, in this case it would be. The bottom line is your need a lawyer to deal with this. Its going to be very costly no matter what you do.