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Thread: 4 years together, no proposal

  1. #1
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    4 years together, no proposal

    Hi everyone,

    I am very confused. It has been 4 years since I start dating my bf. We have live together for 2 years. He has never mentioned marriage. I love him very much and I think he loves me as well. I always thought that he would propose, but he hasn't so far. I started to think that he would never propose after 4 years. I do not know what to do. I will graduate in may with a law degree and already have a job lined up. He still has 3 more semesters until he gets his mba, but I don't think this is a reason to wait.

    My plan is to move out in August and just explain to him that I am not breaking up, but I just want to live alone. What do you think?

    I will appreciate your comments and advice!

    Thanks,

    A.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA. I think you should have an honest conversation. Ask if he intends to marry you, and if so, when. If he gives a lot of excuses, I would walk and move forward.

    Haven't you guys ever talked about this?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    In 4 years if you've never talked about, bring it up. Don't assume he will do something because that's what kills relationships - have an honest conversation with him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Have you guys actually discussed marriage before? What are his thoughts? Or did you always assume that he would propose without knowing his position on it?

    He may very well want to wait until he finishes his MBA. Why is that not a reason to wait? Many may not want to marry until they have their career solidified and have a stable job lined up. I won't get married until I'm done with grad school. Marriage is expensive and he may want to finish his education so he can be better prepared for it.

    That being said, I think you should ask him his thoughts on marriage and what are his goals in that regard.

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  6. #5
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    Hi,
    thanks for replying. We haven't talked about marriage. I once mentioned I would like to move out because I am not a fan of "living together" without marriage, but he did not seem to pay too much attention. He probably thought I was not serious.
    You are right we need to have a conversation, but I cannot start this conversation. I don't really know how to start and I am not sure whether I want to have that conversation.
    I forgot to say that I don' t really care for a ring, so excuses such as "He may be saving for a ring" are not valid excuses for me.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    If you've been together for 4 years, why are you so afraid to start the conversation? Do you deep down already know he doesn't want it and you're afraid to 'rock the boat' so to speak? In the end you need to find out whats important to you - getting married or staying in this relationship that seems to be going no were.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I think you should talk to him when you two have some alone time and he isn't trying to write a paper or whatever. maybe some lazy weekend at home. talk to him - honestly and directly, and ask where he sees you two headed - if he can see himself marrying you one day. and then just stop and listen to him. give him a chance to talk.

  9. #8
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    how old are you 2?

  10. #9
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    28. I will be 29 in a few months. He is 34

  11. #10
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I once mentioned I would like to move out because I am not a fan of "living together" without marriage, but he did not seem to pay too much attention.
    It's interesting that you say you're not a fan of living together before marriage, but you went ahead and did it anyway.... I'm not a fan of Indian food, but if my friends want to go, I'll go along. But living together? that seems like a huge compromise of your values.... what happened?

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