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Thread: 4 years together, no proposal

  1. #61

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    Be prepared for the fact that he may want kids but still not want marriage.

  2. #62
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    Well, if this is the case, he needs to find someone else.

  3. #63

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    Fair enough, but as I was trying to say earlier, don't be blaming him if he isn't on the same page as you are regarding marriage and children. Neither of you is wrong here but it is you that wants to change what you have already.

  4. #64
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    You need not be talking to him, it sounds like he has every reason to think you wouldnt be receptive to proposal.
    When I lived defacto I never mentioned marriage because I wasnt going to marry him.

    After four years of conversations about the future, having gently carried him with you and not seen any signs of disgust at the idea of an entire life together and marriage and kids , yes you'd have a right to be expecting a proposal if you started hinting -but after four years of him steeling his poor heart cos you didnt seem to want that, wow, not so much.

    He moved countries for you, and you didnt mention marriage for four years?
    Does he think you think he isnt good enough to marry you?
    That'd be the normal response, cos thatd be the normal reason for not mentioning marriage.

    If he is under the impression you dont be married you may have to be a bit gentle here, let him take the time to make the adjustment.
    He may even get the impression you just decided to have kids so suddenly want to marry, not for him..

    Generally four years of encouragement to think about a life together is long enough, but it looks like you have some communicating to do.
    Maybe you can start talking about the future together some. You are both anticipating a major life change within a short time so its a delicate time, not a time to be acting unattractively.

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  6. #65
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    uh need to be talking to him.. dislexic pause there

  7. #66
    Platinum Member Circe~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annabelle7777
    male forum members- you should admit that guys do not want to propose because they are "not ready", right? My argument is that if my bf is not ready after 4 years, I would be offended and prefer to leave.

    Anabelle, I'm not male but my husband is (way to state the obvious) and I'll tell you something he said to a male friend who was afraid of taking the marriage step. Now this doesn't apply to all men. It may not even apply to most. But it does apply to some men. Anyway, my husband said "a friend once told me that men are never "ready" for marriage; marriage makes men ready for marriage". I think what he was trying to tell our very nervous friend is that sometimes you (as a man or woman) have to have some faith that a life commitment will work even if you are scared and don't feel "ready" because you fear it not working out. And some men could benefit from a bit of a push (and by this I just mean YOU opening up discussions instead of waiting for him). Not because they don't love you - but for a variety of other possible reasons.

    Please don't insist on believing that he doesn't love you enough without talking to him openly first. And check that pride and whatever else it is that holds you back.

  8. #67
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    Good luck with the conversation! Hope it works out well

  9. #68
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    Men can get very comfortable. He might be that way. I think that if you don't talk to him about marriage, you can't really blame him. You either have a guy who was relieved when he thought you weren't wanting to marry so he thought he found a gal he could just live with, or you have a guy who would sincerely like to marry you at some point, but it all gets lost in the day to day routine. Just start bringing it up and see what happens!

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