Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 47

Thread: Should She Break Up With Him Because Of Money Issues?

  1. #1
    WhenWillILove
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    BooBooland
    Posts
    1,096

    Unhappy Should She Break Up With Him Because Of Money Issues?

    Would like input from men and women regarding my girl friend's dating situation.
    We'll call her "Sandy" and him "John".

    Sandy's been seeing John for 5 months. She's been out of college for 8 months now & working as a teacher's aid (she's got a teaching degree) which earns very, very little. She also drives an old car that is constantly in and out of the repair shop. On top of paying her 40k debt. John is 9 years older than her, earns about 95k and recently bought a condominium.

    John likes 'fancy' dates, i.e. Broadway shows, comedy clubs, fine dining, romantic getaways, etc.

    The problem is, she can't afford her share for a lot of those dates. They have done simple things like bowling, movies, skating, diners, etc. in the past, but John tends to lean towards pricier dates. And he's also the type to ask her for her 50%. He has helped her cover the costs of some of those fancier dates, but overall, he wants her to pay her share.

    John also lives 1 hour's drive from her. Because she lives with her parents, he insists she drive over to his place. Her car is unreliable & costly to repair. But she always drives to his place.

    Recently, he's suggested a trip that would cost around 1k per person. She told him she can only give about $400. She has been very honest about her earnings & has told him flat out she can't afford the whole 1k. He hasn't offered to cover any costs of it.

    John's told her clearly that if they were married, he wouldn't mind paying for her trip, or other expenses but since they're just dating, he's unwilling to 'invest' such money.

    She's living paycheck to paycheck, and has been refusing to buy some things for herself (like a haircut, purse) because she's saving for future dates.
    For the past 2 weeks, she's told me her self-esteem went down because she's having financial struggles & the fact that John doesn't mind wasting $150 on a Broadway show makes her feel even poorer.

    Last edited by WhenWillILove; 02-14-2012 at 04:02 PM.

  2. #2
    WhiteLotus
    Member WhiteLotus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Desert of the real
    Age
    27
    Posts
    104
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    I don't know if the root issue is money here, but rather selfishness. If John liked rollercoasters, and Sandy didn't, would he insist that they go to amusement parks on every date and make her pay for her ticket too? He clearly is putting his needs and desires ahead of her well-being, and that is the sort of issue that I think will continue to be a problem even if they did get married and he proceeded to pay for her every expense afterward. He wants to do things his way and he doesn't seem to care if it is detrimental to her.

  3. #3
    WhenWillILove
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    BooBooland
    Posts
    1,096
    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteLotus [Register to see the link]
    I don't know if the root issue is money here, but rather selfishness. If John liked rollercoasters, and Sandy didn't, would he insist that they go to amusement parks on every date and make her pay for her ticket too? He clearly is putting his needs and desires ahead of her well-being, and that is the sort of issue that I think will continue to be a problem even if they did get married and he proceeded to pay for her every expense afterward. He wants to do things his way and he doesn't seem to care if it is detrimental to her.
    She's told me they've done 'simple' dates numerous times but he's gotten bored of them & wants to experience the 'nicer' things.

  4. #4
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    41
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    Well honesetly what you're describing as 'fancy' dates don't seem unusual or extravagant in any way to me - they seem totally average. He's older and it's probably been so long since he's been broke like your gf that he can't even fathom that these outings are in any way 'fancy'. Bowling and skating seem high school to me.

    Nothing wrong with him not wanting to pay for all of this stuff. If she can't afford it she needs to tell him that and they can easily just do something else when they go out together.

    I don't understand why she would break up with him over this - he's done absoultely nothing wrong other than not remembering what it's like to be broke and unless she's been really clear with him about that he might not even know. I mean she's living at home so even if she doesn't make much, he's probably assuming she doesn't have much in the way of expenses either.

    I don't think $150 on a broadway show is a waste of money at all - that's very subjective.

    She is poor - there's nothing wrong with that and if it's affecting her self-esteem she should talk to someone about that because how much money you have *should* not have an overly disproportionate impact on your self-esteem.

    Also, if not being poor is important to her, she really chose the wrong profession. Did she not know how much teachers make prior to going into debt to get that degree?

  5. #5
    WhenWillILove
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    BooBooland
    Posts
    1,096
    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteLotus [Register to see the link]
    I don't know if the root issue is money here, but rather selfishness. If John liked rollercoasters, and Sandy didn't, would he insist that they go to amusement parks on every date and make her pay for her ticket too? He clearly is putting his needs and desires ahead of her well-being, and that is the sort of issue that I think will continue to be a problem even if they did get married and he proceeded to pay for her every expense afterward. He wants to do things his way and he doesn't seem to care if it is detrimental to her.
    Okay, if I had 95k, then yeah, I wouldn't want to spend my weekends on the same 'simple' dates. Of course, I'd want the finer things in life, as they say.

  6. #6
    agent
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    England
    Age
    34
    Posts
    10,446
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1844
    Sadly, if it were me, I probably would. And it's not just about not being able to afford to keep up, but the fact that he isn't really taking her situation into account when making his plans. That's not really very cool.

  7. #7
    WhenWillILove
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    BooBooland
    Posts
    1,096
    Don't think you've read my thread entirely. Skating, bowling, movies- those are things she can afford. He wants fine dining, theater, spas, like every weekend.

  8. #8
    pl3asehelp

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    41
    Posts
    9,035
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by WhenWillILove [Register to see the link]
    Don't think you've read my thread entirely. Skating, bowling, movies- those are things she can afford. He wants fine dining, theater, spas, like every weekend.
    Has she clearly told him she can't afford those things? I did read all of your post and the only thing I saw were you mentioned her making him aware of her financial troubles was the vacation. She made him aware she couldn't afford it, he didn't offer to pay - pretty simple, right? No reason to break up. They'll just not go on vacation. You mentioned she has low self esteem due to her financial situation - that alone makes me thing she's probably not entirely up front with him about what she can and can't afford. She seems to have a negative perception of being poor that leads to her self-esteem issue. She's probably ashamed so she's not telling him what she can't afford.
    Last edited by pl3asehelp; 02-14-2012 at 04:30 PM.

  9. #9
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,400
    Thanked
    1564
    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteLotus [Register to see the link]
    I don't know if the root issue is money here, but rather selfishness. If John liked rollercoasters, and Sandy didn't, would he insist that they go to amusement parks on every date and make her pay for her ticket too? He clearly is putting his needs and desires ahead of her well-being, and that is the sort of issue that I think will continue to be a problem even if they did get married and he proceeded to pay for her every expense afterward. He wants to do things his way and he doesn't seem to care if it is detrimental to her.
    I agree with this. There seems to be a lack of consideration on his part.

  10. #10
    sweetestdesire
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    220
    Gender
    Female
    If John makes 95k a year why is he so concerned w/ money for a date HE wants.

    He sounds tight w/ his money & that's a turnoff to me.
    ive never been on a date where the date expected me to pay 50%
    Don't recommend going somewhere a. if your not going to pay for it & b. if you see your date can't afford it

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
I have a great boyfriend but sometimes I am rude to him
Hi Enotalone, I've been dating an amazing man since February. I feel very lucky to be with him. He's kind, handsome, smart, communicative, the
What would you say is a typical reaction in such a scenario?
So imagine in the heat of a crazy fight, the guy gets carried away and says to his girlfriend, "have you looked in the mirror?" (implying that she is
Should I ask for my furniture & t.v. back?
I have a long thread about my recent breakup. Ex continually lied to me, kept in touch with multiple exGF's, always placed blame elsewhere (it was
Was I justified to be annoyed?
I am nearly 8 years married, mostly happy and have no reason to question or doubt my relationship. Over the weekend, I found a text message from
Is there any hope for me.
Hello all- My boyfriend and I have been together for what is coming up on two years, at least until last Friday night. We rarely argue, and
looking for advice
To start, I'm from Canada and am 20 years younger than my husband who is English. I also have type I diabetes. We have been together for 8 years, and
Boyfriend wanted to take a break because of his depression
So wednesday night my long distance boyfriend of 8 months ( we havent met in rl yet) told he has been struggling with minor to severe depression
Featured Threads
The ex that wouldn't go away
I am engaged to the woman of my dreams. After a couple dates I told everyone I was going to marry her. She told her friends the same. My only hang up
Crying
IM A 63 YEAR OLD WOMAN ,and my life has turned upside down. I cry day and night. For some damn reason I'm lost , alone and just cant figure things
SO (girl of 23) doubting our relationship, won't let go of ex
So currently going through a very complicated situation with my SO. I started seeing this girl in November of last year, while she was still with
My friend has no life...No job and currently lives at home. At nearly 30
One of my very good friends has always been the impressionable type. When I encouraged her to have stronger boundaries, to be less passive and to
Ex is getting married
Hi, I went into no contact with my ex around 14 weeks ago. I had decided that there's nothing left for me to do or say that would bring her back to
Friendless and Lonely
Hi all, I've decided to turn to an online forum for advice on a current friendship issue. I want to say thank you in advance to those who take the
Swapping childcare, she stopped responding...
Background: I struggle with intimacy and relationships in general. Coming from abuse and neglect means I've always struggled with trusting others
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •