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Thread: Dealing with Valentine's Day Disappointment

  1. #1
    Gerda
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    Dealing with Valentine's Day Disappointment

    This isn't a big deal, maybe I just need to vent, but I figured I'd ask--how do you deal with gifts from a partner that are not to your taste? Obviously I thank the person and hide any indication of disappointment, but how is he supposed to learn what I like if I give him the false impression that I like things I don't?

    My tastes are simple. I like roses. I've told husband this. Told him just to go to the grocery store and buy an un-vased bouquet of a dozen roses and bring them home, I'll trim them and put them in a vase we already have. It's easy and it's a way to get a beautiful dozen roses cheaper than if you paid for a pre-made arrangement (much cheaper.) You would think a man would like such simple direction and a woman providing him with a way to save money while making her happy.

    I like red roses or those multi-colored ones that are orange or pink with red rims--I've told him this. And I've told him that pink is not my favorite color anymore, and that red is. And yet today I get a pre-vased arrangement of mostly pink flowers, with a couple red roses. Not only that but they've got some extremely-strong-smelling flower in them that just REEKS, giving me a headache already--roses do not do this. I already thanked him and said they were beautiful, and I'll continue to thank him and be sweet to him today, but this is getting frustrating--what I want is so simple. I want a dozen roses, either red or the multi colored ones, and a box of gaudily wrapped chocolates. (I've directly told him about how I like the gaudy chocolate boxes.) Last week, when he asked me what I wanted to do for Valentine's Day, I said, "I want to look at beautiful flowers that you gave me and eat chocolates. Should I buy these things for myself?" I was trying to give him an easy way out. I honestly wouldn't have resented it if I'd have had to buy these things for myself--it's that big of a deal that I just want a pretty dozen roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. But he said no, he'd take care of it.

    I love my husband, and as the day goes on I'll like this arrangement more and more because it came from him. But still, I'm just frustrated. Us women are always accused of being all irrational, hard to figure out, and here is a case where I have directly laid out what I want, and it seems like he wasn't paying any attention. I don't want to be ungrateful, but at the same time, I want what I want. It's not a big deal, I can just go out and buy it myself, but if I do that now it's going to look like a massively insensitive move. So once again...here I am on Valentine's Day wanting for ONCE IN MY LIFE to get what I actually want.

    And it pisses me off because every year there's those stupid news articles advising men not to get roses, because they're too cliche or whatever. WHATEVER. Roses are the classic Valentine's Day flower for a REASON. They are the most beautiful flower, they keep their shape, their colors are incredibly deep...but I guess husband decided to take the advice of some web article over the words of his wife? It's just that he's NEVER ASKED what I like. I've told him, yes, but apparently he's forgotten--and yet he doesn't just ask me. I'd tell him straight up 100% what I want and I feel like a loving husband should take the time to figure out what flowers his wife likes--good grief, we've been together for five years now, it seems like he should know, but he apparently has no clue.

    I guess I just needed to vent, because I feel I already know what I have to do--grin and bear it, be thankful, and accept that I may never get what I want for Valentine's Day. Still, it's freaking frustrating because why should I be touched by a bouquet of flowers that, had he been thinking, he'd have known I wouldn't really like? I want to be more direct with him because this is stupid. He's wasting his money, honestly. He could spend half as much and make me twice as happy--he basically paid to give his wife a headache. Should I just give up? Can anyone else relate just to make me feel a little better?

  2. #2
    mhowe
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    Well, maybe he looked at the price of roses and decided to substitute. I buy myself flowers all the time, and what is normally a $10 bunch of roses was $30 the other day.

    I think maybe you should be happy he asked and then did something. What did you do for him?

  3. #3
    Saffron_
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    I think you should just be grateful for whatever you get. There are a lot of women here, myself included who would love to get a gift, any gift for Valentines! There are plenty more who would just love to have someone to share the day with.

  4. #4
    sara-pezzini
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    i agree with the others, red roses are insanely expensive for this day, maybe he did take the hint but buys them another day....but then i also think this whole day is just for commercial purposes, and we don't do anything about it....i rather get a heartfelt gift any other day than a forced, overly prized one at valentine's day

  5. #5
    Madison12
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    Go home tonight and make your husband a delicious dinner, and thank him for trying to make you happy today.

  6. #6
    FathomFear
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    I don't mean to sound offensive as I clearly don't know you in real life, but your whole post just gives off a really strong vibe of being spoiled and entitled. I know you might not have intended for that to be the case, but that's just the impression I got when I read it.

    Try to empathize here and think of it from his perspective. You told him you liked flowers. You said you used to like pink but that it's no longer your favourite colour. He ended up getting you some mostly pink flowers. Ask yourself--did he really miss the mark by an incredible amount?

    Aside from the obvious issue that many people are clearly putting too much weight into these consumerist holidays, I think we need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. We should be taking these holidays as an opportunity to celebrate what you have--love, a caring partner, etc. They shouldn't be taken for granted. Many people don't have those things in their lives.

    When we starting getting angst and despair that our partners didn't purchase the right brand of chocolate or type or flower, we need to be firm with ourselves and acknowledge that our priorities have gone astray. That's the wat I see it anyway.

  7. #7
    Chris Knows
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    Ever stop to think, that maybe your husband wants to do something on his own?!?!

    What is the fun of having you tell him what to buy? No fun in that.

    Maybe he is trying to be a little unpredictable here.

  8. #8
    thejigsup
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    I agree with you all, to a point. She did spell out what her preferences were and he ignored them. He got her the kind of flower she didn't like! I'd be a little upset myself, not at the quality of the gifts, but at the fact that he blatantly ignored what she was saying to him. Men sometimes don't listen when we talk to them and this is one example of this. Now, he DID get her flowers, I'll give him that, but they were a type she didn't like. Was he playing a subtle passive/aggressive thing here? I don't give or get things on V Day just on this principle. It always leads to disappointment.

  9. #9
    loulou37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saffron_ [Register to see the link]
    I think you should just be grateful for whatever you get. There are a lot of women here, myself included who would love to get a gift, any gift for Valentines! There are plenty more who would just love to have someone to share the day with.
    I agree with saffron...i spend most of my time with the broken hearted people of this forum and we would give our right arm just for a text message!!!

    You are lucky you have the person you love with you, that on it''s own is a gift...no money can buy that.

    loulou x

  10. #10
    TalkThatTalk9
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    i know how gou feel.. its been 6 hears and I even mention that a card and dollar store stuffed animal would make me happy. I absolutely hate valentjnes day because everg year I set myself up to be dissappointed. I told him I want to go see "the vow" friday so that is what he is doing for me. I would of liked for him to think of sonething himself, but I have tried doing that and not mentionig anything to him and I ended up in tears because he forgot about the day... and he came home with nothing and I had spent all day making his fave dinner. It is not worth the fight hnestly it is a stupid hallmark day and I refuse to get mad about it anymore.

    I do nit understand what is so hard for him that he can not just think 'ok i will get her a card telk her how much I care' but its something I will never figure out. I have stopped wasting time on it.

    i try and remind myself of what he does for me all year and not just this stupid day, as hard as it canbe to not get wrapped up in the v-day madness.

    I know how you feel, it sucks. but I have come to the conclusion that unless I get a new boyfriend, this is not going to change because I have done everything short of buying my iwn gift to get him to change. he is just not the lovey dovey romantic type.

    and I guess the fact he is willing to watch "the vow" with me is pretty big considering he hates those type of movies.

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